About iloovveyyoouu : 16 years old. Just trying to make it in this world.
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iloovveyyoouu's favorite FMLs
Today, I asked my girlfriend's father for permission to take his daughter's hand in marriage. He asked me "Which one?" I said "Uh, the one I'm dating... Lisa." He belched and said, "Yeah sure, throw 'er off a cliff for all I care. Piss off, boy." So much for chivalry. FML
by Anonymous / 11/29/2014 at 4:54pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Love
by wtfdad / 11/16/2014 at 12:29am / United States (New Jersey) / Kids
Today, my son asked for my help with a personal matter. I was flattered that he trusted me, since he's a paranoid, untrusting psycho. Turned out he wanted to use my locksmith skills to break into his ex's house and "teach her a lesson" for breaking up with him after he cheated on her. FML
by Bob H. / 10/26/2014 at 9:54am / Canada (Quebec) / Kids
Today, my college did a fire drill, and instructions were given by intercom in English and Spanish. The guy beside me mused: "If they say it in English and Mexican, why not say it in Black too?" That guy is my idiot brother, and he was dead serious. Sometimes I think our parents are related. FML
by Anonymous / 09/12/2014 at 4:47pm / United States (California) / Work
Today, after ignoring my concerns and declaring that "safety equipment's for pussies", my husband went rock climbing for the first time. He only sprained his ankle, but is acting like it's broken. He's now playing video games in bed and pissing in a bucket because walking is "too painful". FML
by Anonymous / 08/11/2014 at 12:27pm / Canada (New Brunswick) / Love
Today, I went to see the school counselor to schedule my classes for school. She asked me if I knew how to speak English. My parents are Chinese and I don't even know how to speak Chinese. I've lived in America my whole life. Plus, I even spoke to her in English to ask about classes. FML
by fredfredburger / 06/25/2014 at 1:45pm / United States (Missouri) / Love
by failed dad / 06/25/2014 at 8:30am / Greece (Attiki) / Kids
Today, my laziness reached an all-time high. I had a dream that I was at school and had spilled all the contents of my backpack onto the floor. I then purposely shook myself out of my sleep to avoid cleaning up the mess in my dream. FML
by Anonymous / 06/16/2014 at 12:33pm / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was playing some soccer with my buddies, when a kid came over, yelled "CUP CHECK!" and nailed me in the nuts then ran away laughing. Millions of my unborn children died in agony. All his fatass mom did was chuckle nervously and pat her satan-spawn on the head. FML
by wish his dad had worn one / 06/07/2014 at 5:16pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Health
Today, my mom insisted on making my lunch. She didn't know that knives are banned at my high school, and packed me a steak knife for cream cheese. I'm now suspended for 7 days, and she refuses to say that she did anything wrong. FML
by megangubler / 05/26/2014 at 6:34pm / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous
by Birthday Surprise / 05/26/2014 at 5:18pm / United States (Georgia) / Miscellaneous
by dear god why / 05/26/2014 at 4:28pm / United States (Washington) / Miscellaneous
by ughhhh / 05/03/2014 at 5:10pm / United States / Health
Today, it's the last day of my sign language class. At the end of the class, my teacher surprised us by speaking for the first time, also surprising everyone that she wasn't actually deaf. It wouldn't have been so bad had I not just given someone an answer to the test, thinking she couldn't hear me. FML
by booboo300 / 04/03/2014 at 6:16pm / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous
- Today, I fell asleep with my hands down my pants. I woke up to an excruciating pain coming from my… Today, was the first time giving head to my boyfriend. He couldn't finish, so I tried a handjob. In… Today, I watched a stray dog hump a garden gnome in my front yard. So did my two year old daughter.…