ikillu99

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ikillu99

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  • Number of visits : 49
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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ikillu99's favorite FMLs

Today, I found myself admiring my eyelids for being the only parts of my face not covered in acne. FML

by Anonymous / 11/17/2013 at 2:11pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, I had to take my boyfriend to the emergency room to get stitches from cutting his arm during sex. I sat there while he explained to the doctor how it was the best orgasm ever. FML

by Anonymous / 10/17/2013 at 11:11pm / United States (Nebraska) / Intimacy

Today, I went on a first date. He left me standing at a bus stop while he took a dump in some bushes. FML

by highlydisgusted / 10/15/2013 at 11:10pm / Canada (Ontario) / Love

Today, I foolishly thought that I was alone in the house, and let out a huge fart on the toilet. This went on for a while due to an upset stomach. I later walked into the living room only to find my parents and a few of their friends sitting on the couch, teary-eyed from laughing so much. FML

Today, I was trying to sleep away a fever, when my grandma woke me up. She was sitting next to me, shoving gummy bears into my mouth until I started choking. She laughed, ran away, and denied everything. FML

by cay / 01/30/2013 at 2:59pm / United States (New York) / Health

Today, on the first cold night of autumn, I realized I need a girlfriend because the only way I can stay warm is if I spoon with my dog. FML

by sadguyme / 10/22/2012 at 3:31am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, I realized that if I died tomorrow, the only photos available for my funeral would be crappy family Christmas portraits, acne-filled yearbook photos, and several pictures from my MySpace days, where I'm sporting coontails and looking paler than Edward Cullen's ass. FML

by kherien / 08/12/2012 at 1:31pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I got a text from my mom saying, "I heard the cupcake store got robbed. Where are you?" Then she texted back, "Oh never mind, they wanted money, not cupcakes. It wasn't you." Very funny, Mom. FML

by cieee / 02/13/2012 at 2:09am / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous

Today, while going through airport security the lady asked why I folded everything so small. I said that I was going away for a month and needed to fit a lot of stuff in only one bag. She smiled, nodded and then dumped my luggage to search for "drugs and other illegal teen things." FML

by search_me / 07/16/2009 at 7:39pm / United States (South Carolina) / Miscellaneous