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ijayp

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ijayp
  • Town/Country : Superior, 'Merica
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Saturday 8 June 1996 (17 years)
  • Number of visits : 255
  • Number of comments : 10
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

About ijayp : A smart man learns from his own mistakes, but a smarter man learns from others mistakes. That's what I like about FML.

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ijayp's favorite FMLs

Today, in the middle of sex, my girlfriend yelled, "STUFF ME LIKE A TURKEY!" I couldn't finish. FML

#21112870
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32332) - you deserved it (3640)

On 04/14/2014 at 4:12pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Maryland)

Today, my drunken self became a vaguely racist poet. I am now the author of a four-page poem entitled "Chocolate Men". FML

#21094789
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28746) - you deserved it (15253)

On 03/23/2014 at 11:40pm - misc - by chocochoco - United States (New York)

Today, I went down on my boyfriend for the first time. My hand-eye coordination went straight to hell and I managed to accidentally smack my nose into his penis. He told all his friends about it, and I'm apparently now known as Woodpecker. FML

#21054451
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42472) - you deserved it (7548)

On 02/08/2014 at 1:49pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, after 3 months of no orgasms, I was in the shower, working to rectify that. As I was seconds away from coming, my dad loudly knocked on the door and demanded to know how much longer I was going to take. Probably another 3 months now, dad. FML

#21039460
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43468) - you deserved it (6792)

On 01/25/2014 at 12:42pm - intimacy - by sally - United States (Georgia)

Today, I visited my girlfriend at her place, one thing lead to another, and we had sex for the first time. Her normally very sweet cat now hisses and savages me if I so much as look at him. FML

#21034982
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38455) - you deserved it (6229)

On 01/21/2014 at 12:43pm - intimacy - by idiot says pussy (man) - United States

Today, I took my girlfriend out to a restaurant for her birthday. She had to go to the toilet while there, and when she came back, she was crying. When I asked why, she said "I'm on my period!" and sobbed loudly in front of everyone that we couldn't have birthday sex. FML

#21016986
174 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53027) - you deserved it (5398)

On 01/04/2014 at 8:08pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Illinois)

Today, a girl came up and hugged me. At first I was frightened, but then I asked who she was. Turns out she was the kid I babysat for 3 years. She cried when she realized I didn't remember her, then threw gravel in my face and ran away. FML

Today, my car keys are in my house and my house keys are in my car, and I'm in neither. FML

#20943997
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45811) - you deserved it (8260)

On 11/03/2013 at 3:18pm - misc - by Argh (man) - France (Poitou-Charentes)

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me via Snapchat. FML

#20891755
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40205) - you deserved it (3207)

On 09/22/2013 at 4:41pm - misc - by mish (woman) - United Kingdom (Herefordshire)

Today, I was getting my cat some canned food. Out of habit I licked the spoon after I had emptied the can only to realize too late what I had done. FML

#20886441
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37222) - you deserved it (15975)

On 09/18/2013 at 10:53am - animals - by OldHabitsDieHard - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I woke up, thinking it was going to be a good day. However, when I looked at my phone, I saw that my girlfriend had sent me an obscene number of angry messages, which are still coming in, because I forgot to say goodnight to her last night. FML

#20883830
171 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44470) - you deserved it (6768)

On 09/16/2013 at 3:08pm - love - by Jake - United States (Oregon)

Today, I was at a coffee shop, when a middle-aged guy called me a "two-timing whore", dumped his coffee on me and walked out in tears. I'm 14 and I have no idea who he was. FML

#20878614
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54012) - you deserved it (3294)

On 09/12/2013 at 6:43pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, my boyfriend found out it makes a funny fart sound when he blows hard into my mouth in the middle of making out. I can't get him to stop doing it every time we kiss. FML

#20874035
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42759) - you deserved it (3895)

On 09/09/2013 at 2:15am - intimacy - by merpaderp14 (woman) - Canada

Today, my husband and I arrived in Barbados on vacation. We visited a club, and they had a selection of drinks with weird names. My husband ordered one called the Raging Bitch, flicked his finger towards me, and said to the barkeeper, "Might as well get something I'm used to." FML

#20820272
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42461) - you deserved it (9812)

On 08/04/2013 at 12:45pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - Barbados (Saint Michael)

Today, my girlfriend convinced me to do some bedroom roleplay, and we decided on acting out a job interview scenario. I suggestively told her that if she wanted to get the job, she'd have to use her mouth on something else first. She called me a pig and ended the roleplay right there. FML

#20818899
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49537) - you deserved it (6503)

On 08/03/2013 at 4:01pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - Portugal



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Thursday 10 April 2014

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