About iamabamf : Why can't I change my username? Fuck.
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iamabamf's favorite FMLs
Today, I called my boyfriend crying to tell him I had the most terrible day. He said I should come over, and he would make me feel better. I said I just want to snuggle, and I was impressed with his sincerity. Then he said, "Can we snuggle... with my dick in you?" FML
by addictedtofml / 02/24/2009 at 2:31am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Intimacy
Today, I was watching a documentary on The World's Fattest Man. Half way through the show the reported started talking about his girlfriend. The Fattest Man in the world has a girlfriend. I'm 21 an have never had a girlfriend. FML
by Skido / 02/19/2009 at 8:39pm / United States (California) / Love
by happyasaclam / 02/18/2009 at 7:55pm / United States (Missouri) / Intimacy
by Spotted / 02/18/2009 at 5:09pm / Canada (New Brunswick) / Kids
by skipper / 02/12/2009 at 12:25pm / United States (Tennessee) / Intimacy
Today, I found out my teacher writes descriptions next to people's names on the register to remind him who people were. By mistake the descriptions appeared on the computer projector. Next to my name it said "Tubby". FML
by atterz123 / 02/12/2009 at 8:37am / United Kingdom (Lincolnshire) / Miscellaneous
by lilzoot / 02/07/2009 at 10:19pm / United States (Alabama) / Geek
by caroline / 02/06/2009 at 10:29am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Intimacy
Today, I woke up to my car covered in shaving cream and tampons and the word CHEATER written on my windshield in lipstick. The guy a few doors down from me in my dorm has the same car as me. I'm a virgin. FML
by CB4 / 02/05/2009 at 5:34pm / United States (Indiana) / Transportation
by nicknack22 / 02/01/2009 at 10:48am / United States (Michigan) / Intimacy
Today, I was playing with 3 kids I look after. The middle one has just learned about sex and started chanting that I had done it with the eldest as a joke. We were in the garden and the neighbours heard. Now I am fired, have to leave the house and am being investigated by the police. FML
by Jack / 02/01/2009 at 3:54am / United Kingdom (London) / Intimacy
Today, I tried to befriend the lonely boy who sits at the end of my table at lunch. He always sleeps or does homework during lunch. I walked over to him, tripped, and spilled my open bottle of water on his jeans. I apologized profusely and wiped off his pants with napkins. He got hard. FML
by brighteyes / 01/31/2009 at 12:01pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Intimacy
by shit / 01/30/2009 at 11:40pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous
by Noname / 01/28/2009 at 3:18pm / United States (California) / Love
Today, I was sitting on the couch, computer next to me, lotion on the floor, and my dick in my hand when my roommate walked in on me. Scared and looking me right in the face he says "What's for dinner?". FML
by Anonymous / 01/22/2009 at 11:09am / United States (North Carolina) / Intimacy
- Today, my dog ate my watermelon body wash, and now he hasn't stopped farting. It smells like poopy… Today, at my job for a music streaming service, the automatic pairing system for the category Kids… Today, I had to put my wonderful dog in a shelter because when I went to renew my lease my landlord…