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i4Muzzleblast14's favorite FMLs
by tinypenis / 06/04/2013 at 8:15am / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous
Today, after buying 3 new alarm clocks, I finally decided to video tape myself all night to figure out if my alarm clock was broken or if I was oversleeping. Turns out I wake up around 4am each day and turn them off without remembering. FML
by sleepy momma / 06/02/2013 at 2:06am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Miscellaneous
Today, my mum made me take her poodle on a walk, which she'd dressed in a tiara and a pink dog dress. Being a 19-year-old guy, I was pissed. After I got home, I saw that my mom had filmed me from the window and posted it to Facebook, to everyone's great delight. FML
by Anonymous / 05/30/2013 at 4:25pm / United Kingdom (London, City of) / Animals
by life insurance for 1 / 05/30/2013 at 12:29pm / United States (California) / Kids
Today, I uttered the phrase "the pot calling the kettle black" in class. Moments later, I'd been called a "racist twerp" and kicked out of class by the same English teacher who once tried to have another kid suspended for using the word "titillate", because apparently it's "pornographic". FML
by Anonymous / 05/30/2013 at 11:20am / United Kingdom (Northamptonshire) / Love
Today, the doorbell rang. I saw my incredibly overbearing mum's car outside, so I stayed quiet and tried to sneak upstairs. As I crawled through the hallway, commando style, I realised the door blinds were still out for cleaning. If scowls could kill, I'd be roasting in Hell right now. FML
by Anonymous / 05/30/2013 at 8:40am / Australia (Victoria) / Miscellaneous
by sammarli530 / 05/29/2013 at 12:24pm / United States (Illinois) / Money
by Anonymous / 05/29/2013 at 3:17am / United Kingdom (London, City of) / Intimacy
Today, a few freshmen jumped my fence. They decided to take a dip in the pool, so I pulled out a paintball gun. I unloaded over 100 rounds, painting their backs bright yellow. It also dyed my pool yellow, and it'll apparently cost around $500 to repair. FML
by pool party / 05/28/2013 at 8:48pm / United States (Illinois) / Money
by Amber / 05/28/2013 at 7:42pm / United States (California) / Work
by Anonymous / 05/28/2013 at 12:51pm / United States (Missouri) / Love
Today, I was walking down the stairs with my guitar in hand, singing "I Don't Wanna Miss a Thing" to my wife. I sang, "I don't wanna close my eyes, I don't wanna fall". Before I could say "asleep", I fell down the stairs. My wife almost pissed her pants laughing. My bum hurts. FML
by Anonymous / 05/28/2013 at 12:37pm / Australia (New South Wales) / Love
Today, I was visiting my new in-laws for the first time. During an awkward silence, I took my phone and figured I'd send my friend a text jokingly saying "Mayday, mayday! Somebody save me!" My mood lightened up a little and I felt quite well until my mother-in-law's phone beeped. Yep. FML
by Anonymous / 05/28/2013 at 7:12am / Norway (Sor-Trondelag) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was stuck home with a cold when my boyfriend's best friend sent me a text saying, "You doing alright?" I replied, thinking he was talking about my health. He replied, "I'm surprised you're taking the breakup so well." What breakup? Mine. He was ten minutes too soon. FML
by really? / 05/28/2013 at 4:09am / United States (California) / Love
by Anonymous / 05/28/2013 at 1:05am / United States / Animals
- Today, I made plans with my teacher. Not as a date or to help me with school. Instead we made plans… Today, I was mistaken for my dads girlfriend. My dad thought it was hilarious. He said, "Either you… Today, I was hired for a second job, which I desperately need because I'm living with my boyfriend…