hpdrew15

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hpdrew15

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  • Number of visits : 4925
  • Number of comments : 46
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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hpdrew15's page activity

Visits<b>Jamied123</b> - the 06/10/2014 at 11:12pm

hpdrew15's FML badges

An insomniac or a creature of the dark

You commented on an FML between 1 and 3 am.

Keen reader – Level: student ninja

You have voted for 15% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

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hpdrew15's favorite FMLs

Today, at the supermarket, I picked up a pack of toilet rolls, at which point my 5-year-old daughter turned to me and screamed, "A CLEAN BUTTHOLE IS A HAPPY BUTTHOLE!" in front of a dozen other people. I have no idea where she heard that. FML

by humiliated / 03/20/2016 at 7:54am / United Kingdom (London, City of) / Kids

Today, on our second date, the unemployed guy I'm seeing tried to convince me to open a joint bank account in our name. FML

by back to cock-hunting / 11/15/2014 at 2:58pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Love

Today, like any other day since that stupid movie Frozen came out, people have been asking me if I want to build a snowman, like they're the funniest people on the planet. My name is Elsa. FML

by elsatheannoyed / 11/11/2014 at 11:34pm / United States (California) / Work

Today, my boyfriend kept jiggling my fat rolls while we were cuddling. I was annoyed, and I told him he could at least go for my boobs instead. He instantly replied, "But these are bigger..." FML

by Anonymous / 11/06/2014 at 12:14pm / Canada (Ontario) / Love

Today, my boss told me to fire the unstable, former military, gun nut employee. He's been making death threats to his supervisors. FML

by HelpMe1 / 11/06/2014 at 1:53am / Indonesia (Jakarta Raya) / Work

Today, my dad told me that my mom wanted to name me something "unusual." He eventually got her to compromise. I go by Violet. I now know that my legal name is Purple. FML

by Purple / 11/05/2014 at 8:12pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, I managed to convince my sister that when you press down the diet button on the lid of a McDonald's cup it turns whatever is in there diet. I pressed the button and she started shouting how she hates diet drinks. She's 19. FML

by aineroo / 11/05/2014 at 4:25pm / Ireland (Galway) / Miscellaneous

Today, coming home, I opened up my door to find my drunk boyfriend trying to teach our three baby parakeets to perch on his erect penis. FML

by facepalm / 10/15/2014 at 7:36pm / United States (Florida) / Love

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend in the missionary position. Once again, our cat decided to crawl onto his back and stare at me. FML

by Drafrica / 10/13/2014 at 6:20am / South Africa / Intimacy

Today, my son drank a bottle of hot sauce. It wasn't a dare, he actually thought that it would give him a fever so that he could skip school tomorrow. This idiot is 15 years old. FML

by Anonymous / 10/12/2014 at 8:38pm / United States (Wisconsin) / Kids

Today, I woke up to find that my acne has lined itself beautifully in a perfect 'L' shape in the centre of my forehead. FML

Today, I finally lost my virginity. Too bad it cost me every last shred of self-respect and involved begging a hooker to take my money. FML

by Anonymous / 10/10/2014 at 5:51pm / United States (Illinois) / Intimacy

Today, my loving five-year-old daughter started singing Christmas carols again. Ones that she made up herself, of course. Including "Walking in a fucking wonderland" and "Rudolph the red nosed asshole". FML

by SaintGoobers / 10/06/2014 at 4:24pm / United States (New York) / Kids

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I overheard my brother telling his friend that having sex with a girl who's on the pill gives the guy female hormones and "turns you into like, half-chick, half-dude." He was serious. How am I related to this moron? FML

by Anonymous / 10/03/2014 at 4:43pm / United States (Arizona) / Kids

Today, I found out I'm allergic to condoms. Which would be great if my girlfriend wasn't allergic to birth control. FML

by oncehipjr / 10/03/2014 at 3:04pm / United States (Texas) / Health