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howsthisforaname's FML badges
You've looked for Santa absolutely everywhere, and you managed to find him. Well done!
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howsthisforaname's favorite FMLs
by whywouldyoudothat / 10/06/2014 at 9:14pm / United States (Arizona) / Love
by lrn2road / 06/24/2014 at 11:04am / United States (California) / Transportation
by Anon / 06/23/2014 at 7:13pm / United States (Texas) / Kids
by Anonymous / 06/23/2014 at 3:52pm / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, I got written up for drinking on the job by a manager who drinks on the job, who was told to write me up by a general manager who drinks on the job, and we are all employed by an owner who drinks on the job. I haven't had a drink in 3 weeks. FML
by DJJayLee / 06/23/2014 at 1:45am / United States (Nevada) / Work
Today, I was at the reading of my grandma's will. Apparently I was removed from it some time ago, and the £2,500 I would have gotten went to my cheating bitch of an ex-fiancée. It seems my grandma adored her, and never forgave me for "driving her away" from the family. FML
by Anonymous / 06/22/2014 at 4:06pm / United Kingdom (Hampshire) / Money
Today, my dad heard that the guy who bullied me at school died recently of a drug overdose. For some reason, he thinks we were actually best friends, and thinks I'm doing drugs too. I'm now not allowed out of the house except to go to school. He won't listen to a word I say. FML
by kay-z / 06/21/2014 at 4:32pm / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, I heard my husband say from outside, "Seriously Dan, what could go wrong?" This was followed a few seconds later by a bang and screaming. Turns out he'd tried to smash his head through a wooden plank like a martial artist and failed. He ended up with splinters and a concussion. FML
by Anonymous / 06/21/2014 at 11:15am / United States (Colorado) / Health
by Axelerate / 06/21/2014 at 2:49am / United States (Nevada) / Work
Today, my psycho neighbor finished building a cannon. An honest-to-god, on-wheels, could-be-on-a-pirate-ship cannon. And now he's testing it in the forest by my house. I'm pretty scared for my life, to be honest. FML
by ldrik1 / 06/11/2014 at 4:36pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 06/10/2014 at 4:06pm / Barbados (Saint Michael) / Kids
Today, I was spinning some yarn around to make my new cat run in circles. After about 10 seconds, he stopped going in circles and went straight ahead, happily running several feet into the wall and knocking himself out. My bowel movements have more brain-power than this thing. FML
by jaqen h'garrrhghhgfgjhfuck / 06/09/2014 at 5:45pm / France (Provence-Alpes-Cote d'Azur) / Animals
Today, I ran into my girlfriend by chance while out shopping. She looked different than usual. Maybe it was the wedding ring she was wearing, or how she had her arm around another gentleman, gee, I don't know. That's two years of my life wasted. FML
by wrecked / 06/09/2014 at 5:03pm / United States / Love
Today, I put my headphones on and laid down to relax to some music. I fell asleep, and woke up later to a police officer busting into my house. My neighbor had been knocking on my door, then looked through my window and saw me on my couch, and was convinced I'd died. FML
by I'm Not Dead Yet / 06/09/2014 at 3:37pm / United States (Arizona) / Miscellaneous
Today, some alarm, somewhere in my house, is making a low battery noise. I've checked every smoke detector multiple times, and I can't find it. It has been hours. I'm not sure if its still doing it or if the sound has just invaded my brain. FML
by AndrewKeane / 06/09/2014 at 12:26pm / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous
- 1Today, I was making the daily commute to work when suddenly my mother calls me, crying that there's… 2Today, my boyfriend presented me with a 30-minute montage video of him working out and flexing his… 3Today, my boyfriend finally told me that he loved me. This would've been fantastic if he didn't say…
- Today, I was trying to avoid one of our dogs while driving down the drive. Instead I crashed into a… Today, a sweet old man came knocking. He asked about my elderly neighbor who he has been trying to… Today, I went to a grad school fair. Tuition costs more than I make in a year. I'm thirty. I think…