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howdeedoo's favorite FMLs
by The fuck, junior? / 07/05/2013 at 6:45pm / Canada (Quebec) / Kids
by not the cook / 06/09/2013 at 1:38pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Work
by The Clitshank Redemption / 06/05/2013 at 7:11pm / United Kingdom (Cambridgeshire) / Love
Today, I had a customer tell me how much she regretted not aborting her expected child, how much she hates the father, and described to me in immense detail what it is like to pee while pregnant. All within the 30 seconds it took me to serve her. FML
by mmmretail / 05/25/2013 at 1:09am / Australia (Victoria) / Work
Today, my step-mom stole over $100 in cash from me, dumped dirty cat litter all over my clean bed sheets, and called me a whore for having a polite conversation with my boyfriend. I confronted my father about it. He told me to forgive her, because she's "on her period." FML
by disgruntled stepdaughter / 03/06/2013 at 2:11pm / United States (Ohio) / Miscellaneous
Today, my 20-year-old came whining to me, asking why his job interviews keep going so poorly. I had to delicately explain that the "PIMP SLAP" tattoo he had put on his right hand recently may have something to do with it. FML
by ProudMother / 03/06/2013 at 1:04pm / United Kingdom (Telford and Wrekin) / Kids
by Anonymous / 02/22/2013 at 5:25am / United States (Florida) / Love
Today, at my retail job, a woman came to my till with her purchases. After I scanned all her items, she handed me two small bags. One was filled with nickels and dimes. The other was filled with cents. Her total was $28.53. The coins amounted to $22.30. FML
by fuckedbyretail / 02/02/2013 at 9:53am / United States (North Carolina) / Work
by Anonymous / 01/25/2013 at 5:41pm / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, I learned my dog had eaten a roll of vet wrap, which is like a long strip of bandage. I learned this when she tried to pass it in the yard today, and could only do so with my help. It seemed to never end. FML
by Anonymous / 01/24/2013 at 7:28pm / Canada (Ontario) / Animals
Today, my friend set me up on a blind date, to get my mind off having been recently broken up with. The guy was perfect: tall, muscular, handsome. But while we were watching a movie, I saw him dig around in his nose, then wipe his finger on my pants. FML
by Stickysituation / 01/23/2013 at 1:44pm / United States (New York) / Love
Today, my girlfriend left for basic training. I went to say goodbye to her at the airport. Only after I walked back to my car did I realize that she still had the keys. My extra set was back at the house, locked in. FML
by blank / 01/21/2013 at 4:55pm / United States / Transportation
by Anonymous / 01/11/2013 at 2:47pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, at work, a little girl came in and asked if we had any dance clothes. As I showed her, I asked if she was in a competition. When she said yes, I crossed my fingers and told her I hoped she would win. Unfortunately, I didn't cross them properly and I accidentally gave her the finger. FML
by georgiamarshall_ / 01/09/2013 at 5:42am / Australia (New South Wales) / Work
Today, I was at a restaurant with my boyfriend. He wound up drinking a whole bottle of wine, and when the bill came he drunkenly yelled at the waiter, claiming it should be free, because he's in the military "fighting for your freedom". He's a mechanic in the National Guard. FML
by so embarrassed / 01/05/2013 at 4:56pm / United States (New York) / Love