how_to_implode

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Offline (the 06/22/2014 at 3:00am)

how_to_implode

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  • Number of visits : 3842
  • Number of comments : 142
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 11 posted

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Visits<b>kingshelly</b> - the 01/11/2016 at 1:41pm<b>Frowny</b> - the 10/22/2015 at 5:50pm<b>Pyneapple</b> - the 06/01/2015 at 2:12pm<b>Mitchellbassists</b> - the 03/10/2015 at 1:34pm<b>shaar</b> - the 12/04/2014 at 7:49am<b>TEZZ</b> - the 10/26/2014 at 6:51pm<b>yuhboi</b> - the 05/31/2014 at 10:36am<b>ireply_wlyrics</b> - the 04/04/2014 at 11:16am<b>YellowKettleBell</b> - the 03/30/2014 at 12:14am<b>ryan1268</b> - the 03/23/2014 at 2:29pm<b>Faddyy6</b> - the 03/14/2014 at 9:35am<b>cwl727</b> - the 03/13/2014 at 3:34pm<b>Helldemon</b> - the 03/12/2014 at 9:48pm<b>AfroCircusMan</b> - the 03/12/2014 at 3:09pm<b>Bulldozer36</b> - the 03/12/2014 at 1:52pm<b>FuckFace10</b> - the 02/25/2014 at 1:40pm<b>HersheySquirts</b> - the 02/24/2014 at 7:22pm<b>shadow619r</b> - the 02/20/2014 at 9:49pm

Fucked!<b>kingshelly</b> - the 01/11/2016 at 7:41pm

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how_to_implode's favorite FMLs

Today, I went for a walk. When it started pouring, I ran under the nearest tree for protection. It didn't occur to me that it might look suspicious hiding under a stranger's tree in a black hoodie, until the cops showed up. FML

by black hoodie / 05/19/2013 at 7:07pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Miscellaneous

Today, I spent hours debating with a lady who claimed she'd spent years "studying the big bang theory". Not only did she not know the scientific meaning of the word "theory", her killer argument was "If the big bang happened, where are the fossils?" I'm not sure whether or not I just got trolled. FML

by look at the fucking universe, lady / 05/18/2013 at 2:44pm / United States (Alabama) / Geek

Today, I was eating a mystery flavored candy and I had an allergic reaction. Not only did I have to go to the hospital because my throat swelled up, but I still don't know what I'm allergic to. FML

by those_allergies / 05/12/2013 at 1:20am / United States (Oregon) / Health

Today, my family flew out to surprise my grandma for her 70th birthday. When we arrived, she and my grandpa were both sitting on the couch, high, smoking a joint. FML

by Anonymous / 05/08/2013 at 2:59am / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I was fired on my second day of work after a year and a half of unemployment. Apparently, my "tendency to solve problems instead of just accepting them made the other workers uneasy". FML

by anonymous / 04/24/2013 at 12:55am / Germany / Work

Today, at work at a farm, we got a new calf. It looked like it had to poop, but was having difficulty. About four hours later it still hadn't pooped. Turns out it was born without an actual butthole. It was there, just sealed up by skin. I literally had to cut this poor calf a new butthole. FML

by halliemarie1818 / 04/23/2013 at 10:01pm / United States / Animals

Today, my boyfriend and I attempted sexting for the first time. After about twenty minutes of Star Wars references, I gave up. FML

by Anonymous / 04/19/2013 at 1:14am / Canada (Alberta) / Intimacy

Today, I walked in on my husband eating cat food out of the cat bowl dressed in a cat costume. FML

by confusedcatlover / 04/06/2013 at 7:42am / United Kingdom (London, City of) / Miscellaneous

Today, I picked my 12-year-old daughter up from school after her first sexual education lecture. She burst into tears on the way home explaining her fears of being pregnant with her boyfriend's child. As if that doesn't sound bad enough, I've met her boyfriend before. He is imaginary. FML

by anonymous / 04/04/2013 at 6:52pm / United States (California) / Kids

Today, while on the way to Florida for spring break, I pointed out to my mom a bright blue car in the rear-view mirror. As the car overtook us, we both got a horrifyingly detailed view of the driver jerking off her passenger. FML

by Anonymous / 03/29/2013 at 1:13pm / United States (Florida) / Transportation

Today, I was feeling sick and fainted while teaching my kindergarten class. I came to when one boy poured a cup of water on my face. Three kids were crying into my walkie talkie telling the office I was dead, and the rest of the class had disappeared. FML

by kindergarten teacher / 03/23/2013 at 9:25am / United States (California) / Kids

Today, while making love to my boyfriend for the first time, I moaned his name. He freaked out over how I wasn't over my ex, and angrily left. They have the same name. FML

by nraecher / 03/23/2013 at 12:43am / Canada (Ontario) / Intimacy

Today, my 2-year-old daughter and my 27-year-old husband both woke me up in the early hours of the morning. Their complaints were the same: they'd both wet the bed. FML

by sickness and health my sphincter / 03/22/2013 at 5:53pm / Singapore / Miscellaneous

Today, my fiancée and I showed my mother-in-law a picture of the location at which we'll be holding our wedding reception. It's a beautiful waterfront building overlooking the ocean. She looked me dead in the eyes and said, "Looks like a good place to commit suicide." FML

by Anonymous / 03/14/2013 at 10:40am / Latvia / Miscellaneous

Today, when I got home, my child had three bruises. My babysitter's excuse? "She hit me first". FML

by Amanda / 03/10/2013 at 12:08pm / Canada / Kids