how_to_implode

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Offline (the 06/22/2014 at 3:00am)

how_to_implode

1Fucked!

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  • Number of visits : 4379
  • Number of comments : 142
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 11 posted

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Visits<b>kingshelly</b> - the 01/11/2016 at 1:41pm<b>Frowny</b> - the 10/22/2015 at 5:50pm<b>Pyneapple</b> - the 06/01/2015 at 2:12pm<b>Mitchellbassists</b> - the 03/10/2015 at 1:34pm<b>shaar</b> - the 12/04/2014 at 7:49am<b>TEZZ</b> - the 10/26/2014 at 6:51pm<b>yuhboi</b> - the 05/31/2014 at 10:36am<b>ireply_wlyrics</b> - the 04/04/2014 at 11:16am<b>YellowKettleBell</b> - the 03/30/2014 at 12:14am<b>ryan1268</b> - the 03/23/2014 at 2:29pm<b>Faddyy6</b> - the 03/14/2014 at 9:35am<b>cwl727</b> - the 03/13/2014 at 3:34pm<b>Helldemon</b> - the 03/12/2014 at 9:48pm<b>AfroCircusMan</b> - the 03/12/2014 at 3:09pm<b>Bulldozer36</b> - the 03/12/2014 at 1:52pm<b>FuckFace10</b> - the 02/25/2014 at 1:40pm<b>HersheySquirts</b> - the 02/24/2014 at 7:22pm<b>shadow619r</b> - the 02/20/2014 at 9:49pm

Fucked!<b>kingshelly</b> - the 01/11/2016 at 7:41pm

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how_to_implode's favorite FMLs

Today, my boyfriend and I were furniture shopping. They had miniature versions built of some of the desks. He commented how they were "cute for little kids" to use. They were 6 inches tall. I had to explain to him that they were only models, not real desks. I'm dating Zoolander. FML

by anonymous / 07/14/2013 at 9:07pm / United States (Oregon) / Miscellaneous

Today, I had the questionable honor of explaining the difference between "your" and "you're" to my boss, and very diplomatically make her see why her poor grasp of language could affect our credibility as a communication agency. I'm Swedish, and English is my third language. She's American. FML

by grammarnazi-forareason / 07/03/2013 at 2:48am / Sweden (Stockholms Lan) / Work

Today, I was once again handed a document to translate along with the comment "Good luck, it doesn't make sense to begin with." If my translation doesn't, though, I will not get paid. FML

by Demotivation / 07/02/2013 at 10:35am / Germany (Berlin) / Work

Today, I was explaining to my son that porn isn't a realistic depiction of sex. Just as I finished explaining to him that threesomes rarely happen in real life, he started crying. I feel like a dream-crushing monster. FML

by sorry, kiddo / 06/30/2013 at 5:44pm / Belgium (Brussels Hoofdstedelijk Gewest) / Kids

Today, I heard my husband telling his friend that I used to be a skank and was "easier than 1 plus 1" when we first met. I was still a virgin when we got married. FML

by okeythen / 06/30/2013 at 1:03am / United States (Florida) / Love

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, my house was broken into. The burglar didn't steal my brand new laptop, iPad or TV. They instead made off with every single item of clothing I own. When I went to turn on my TV to try and distract myself from this, I found all of the cables in back missing. The police don't believe me. FML

by Angry and Confused / 06/29/2013 at 5:55am / United States (Nevada) / Miscellaneous

Today, my boss fired me for being "too morally ambiguous". I work at a bagel shop and had told a customer that I was indifferent towards cream cheese. FML

by confusedbagel / 06/27/2013 at 2:22am / United States (California) / Work

Today, I was bored so I began to try to convince my boyfriend that Albert Einstein was actually African-American, and that he painted himself white so he would be accepted as a scientist. Due to his competitive nature, he replied, "I already knew that babe." FML

by anonymous / 06/25/2013 at 2:12am / United States (Minnesota) / Geek

Today, my husband finally returned from his 18-month deployment. Sexually starved, we wasted no time getting busy. Later as we finally cooled off, I got a message from my Aunt. She was hiding in our closet the whole time to surprise us with cake for his safe return. FML

by jgtrflynn / 06/24/2013 at 12:37am / United States (Oklahoma) / Intimacy

Today, I lost my virginity. Not only did my parents somehow find out, they posted about it on Facebook. FML

by Anonymous / 06/17/2013 at 1:54am / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, my fiancé threatened to leave me for "bleeding too damn much." FML

by bloody / 06/15/2013 at 4:57am / United States / Love

Today, I was meeting my boyfriend's family for the first time. The minute I stepped in the door his mother hit me in the face and kicked me out because I was "the slut her husband cheated on her with." My older sister and I look much alike. Too much alike. FML

by Anonymous / 06/11/2013 at 11:20am / United States (Washington) / Miscellaneous

Today, I woke up in bed with a one-night stand. We got really drunk the night before so I went to make a hangover-cure breakfast. Apparently he was so drunk that he didn't remember me, and when he came to the kitchen, he knocked me out with a pan and called the cops. FML

by paulinapo / 05/29/2013 at 9:53pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous

Today, my in-laws came for dinner. My 5-year-old son chose that as the perfect time to say, "Good girls always swallow!" when my daughter coughed up some of her food. I have no idea where he heard it, but my mother-in-law blamed me, and my wife had to convince her not to call CPS on me. FML

by Anonymous / 05/27/2013 at 6:15pm / United States (Utah) / Kids

Today, I got a new cat. It was fine for a couple of hours until it gave birth in my kitchen. The seller claims to have no idea that it was pregnant. Now I have to take care of 7 cats instead of 2. FML

by catcraze / 05/20/2013 at 7:23pm / United States (Colorado) / Animals