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how_to_implode

Offline (the 06/22/2014 at 3:00am) | Search for a member

how_to_implode

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  • Number of visits : 2264
  • Number of comments : 142
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 11 posted

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how_to_implode's favorite FMLs

Today, I was in the process of finally losing mah vrginity!! Part-way through, mah neighbour startd shouting from his backyard, ( Go, Nicolas! You can do it! ) He was talking to his son, but the two of us have the same name!! I couldn't finish!! mega FML

#21046533
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (57019) - you deserved it (6336) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 01/31/2014 at 4:05pm - intimacy - by prochainefois (man) - Sent from mobile version

Today, I went down on the girl of mah dreams. While I was down there, I started to put on a condom. As I cummed back up to start having sex, she told me she couldn't cheat on her boyfriend. FML

#21046118
186 comments

I agree, your life sucks (59142) - you deserved it (11468)

On 01/31/2014 at 10:29am - intimacy - by wtfjusthappened - United States (Washington)

Today, I was taking a leisurely stroll through the woods in the nice cool weather,hen a mountain biker came out of nowhere and tore past, barely missing me. As I counted my luck, another biker followed the first and crashed right into me. FML

#21045309
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38276) - you deserved it (4011)

On 01/30/2014 at 3:55pm - health - by ramble ramble (man) - United States (North Carolina)

today I was elping my elderly neigbor carry er grocerie into er kitcen. Wen I finised, se siged an said, "You're suc a sweet girl. It's just a same about yur face." FML

#21040445
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47001) - you deserved it (3627)

On 01/26/2014 at 8:08am - misc - by neighbor - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I was packing, when my parents told me to put my little sister's toothbrush in the top pocket of their suitcase. The pocket I opened had 3 unopened boxes of condoms in it. We're going to my gran's house, an I'm going to be looool sleeping on a mattress on the floor of their room. fat FML

#21040204
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53517) - you deserved it (4965)

On 01/26/2014 at 12:10am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Colorado)

Today , my university professor admitted to sometimes just winging it when she's teaching. "Yeah," she said , "sometimes I just don't get this stuff either." No wonder I'm failing. 5ML

#21038371
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42614) - you deserved it (3551)

On 01/24/2014 at 3:33pm - misc - by Profucktardor (woman) - United Kingdom (Derby)

Today Ma Boyfriend Of 6 Years Told Me Tat Since I've Proven Ma Loyalty And Faitfully Stuck By Is Side E As No Reason To Ever Consider Marrying Me Because "It's Not Lyk You're Going Anywere Oney." He Seems Not To Understand Y I Am Upset By Tis. FML

#21037274
169 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49110) - you deserved it (5132)

On 01/23/2014 at 3:57pm - love - by heartbrokenhaley - United States (Massachusetts)

TODAY, MAH 7-YEAR-OLD DAUGHTER MADE A NEW GAME: HITTING ME IN THE GROIN WHEN I'M NOT EXPECTING IT !! SHE HUNTS ME IN THE HOUSE, HIDES AROUND CORNERS, AND BEHIND FURNITURE TO AMBUSH ME !! SHE'LL EVEN DO IT IF SHE CATCHE ME NAPPING !! I'M A GROWN MAN LIVING IN FEAR OF A LITTLE GIRL !! MEGA FML

#21029770
327 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52980) - you deserved it (11919)

On 01/16/2014 at 12:57pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Oregon)

2day I took a nap in mah car right after finishing up at work. I was woken up by a hobo sitting in the passenger seat watching me sleep. Apparently he'd managd to unlock the door with a wre hanger. mega FML

#21027083
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45915) - you deserved it (5390)

On 01/13/2014 at 10:31pm - misc - by ShelterForTheHomless (woman) - United States (California)

Today, My New Neighbor Asked If I Could Keep My Dog From Yapping During The Evenings, Cuz It Kept Him Awake Last Night. I Don't Have A Dog, But I Apologized Anyway. I Didn't Have The Heret To Admit That Those Are The Sound My Girlfriend Makes During Sex. FML

#21023843
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49234) - you deserved it (7605)

On 01/10/2014 at 7:24pm - intimacy - by lukas (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today..!! to avoid a guy who's been creepily following me around school lately..!! I ducked into the girl's bathroom!! After few minutes..!! he stuck his head in with his eyes closed an asked if I was done yet!! FML

#21021456
164 comments

I agree, your life sucks (59763) - you deserved it (4364)

On 01/08/2014 at 3:27pm - misc - by stalked - United States (Florida)

Yesterday, I ave to take time off from work to take part in an intervention because my sister's obsession wit te guy from Harry Potter as crossd over into illegality. real FML

#21009908
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39468) - you deserved it (3136)

On 12/29/2013 at 11:23pm - misc - by LeaveHimAlone (man) - United States (Maryland)

Today... I asked my husband to try a little foreplay fir once... instead of just rushing into sex. His idea of foreplay was to sweetly whisper that he was going to "penis" me so hard. That's the first time I've heard the word "penis" used as a verb... and hopefully the last. FML

#21007475
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49121) - you deserved it (6466)

On 12/27/2013 at 5:39pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom

TODAY... MY COUSIN STARTED SENDING SARCASTIC LOVE MESSAGES TO ME. I REPLIED... WITH EVEN CHEESIER LINES. THEN SHE RANG ME SAYING SHE WAS SO GLAD I FELT THE SAME WAY. TURNS OUT SHE WASN'T BIENG SARCASTIC. FML

#20991120
164 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50781) - you deserved it (8691)

On 12/13/2013 at 10:10am - love - by wth? - United Kingdom (Rotherham)

yesterday my mum staggerd ome, piss drunk. Wen I trid to walk er to er room, se sovd me away and cursd at me fir being a "goody two-soes". Se ten slurrd "I fuckd your mum", and informd me tat my mum is a skank. Tat's good to know, mum.

#20958646
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42052) - you deserved it (2857)

On 11/15/2013 at 12:49pm - misc - by mummer11 (woman) - Ireland



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