hoeslikedicks

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Hoeslikedicks's favorite FMLs

Jaeda tells us more.

I'm twenty years old, and my boss never leaves me enough work, but I'm expected to stay a full day so that I can answer the phones during all business hours. Sometimes my days are very slow, so I have to entertain myself. Don't hate on me and my goofiness because you're square. :) I forgot about the mustache because it was small and had been there for a good 3 hours when he showed up. And yes.. I had met him before and I will see him again. We're going to be doing some building for the nearby base. I work for a construction company.

DeeZeeMb tells us more.

I wanted to comment on this early, because the FML 300 character limit doesn't really allow for a proper explanation... One day i suddenly started limping, and there was sometimes a strange clicking sensation in my foot as i was walking, but there was absolutelly no pain. A little later my foot was swollen, but still no pain, and i went to my doctor. She gave me Ibuprofen and sent me home. Obviously it didn't help with the swelling, so i went back. She gave me a stronger anti swelling medication, and sent me to the rheumatologist, since we couldn't figure out what was wrong. The rheumatologist gave me the strongest anti swelling medication they had, and sent me to the pulmonologist, vein ultrasound, urine tests, genetic blood testing and finally the x-ray which revealed two broken bones. The clicking sensation i felt during the first days was the two bones snapping back and forth while walking. I was in complete shock when i found out i had two broken bones in my foot, and even more so, when i realized they were grown back together allready, but far from perfectly. I immediatelly went to a traumatologist, but they said there was nothing they could do, that i would have had to come to them in the first two weeks. This actually all happened a year ago, and my foot is now slightly better, but still far from perfect. It is slightly deformed due to the bone callus that forms around the broken bones - it's pushing the healthy bones appart, making my foot wider than it should be. But this will go away, and i have high hopes that at least externally my foot will appear normal. As for walking, i barelly limp anymore, so i have high hopes for that as well. But fact is, my foot will never be the same again...

AnonymousZOMBIE tells us more.

AnonymousZOMBIE 12

He practically had a heart attack telling me that I'm not a race driver, when actually I had decided to take the smaller roads and I was going at about 20 mph. Then he proceeded to take off his seat belt jump to the back of the car and lay down on the floor praying that I don't crash the car on the way home. When we finally got home he said if I could heat up his shoes??? because he was very hungry, 10 seconds later, he passed out on the couch. To tell you the truth I don't think alcohol was the only thing he had last night. He works very long hours, and he's a hard working man, and he is always there for us. They gave him a 2 week vacation and the youngest of my brothers is going off to college. I guess he deserves a little bit of fun, especially when my mother passed away a year after my youngest brother was born, he had to raise 3 kids on his own. He got very drunk, but he deserves to have fun every once in a while, the good thing is that there is only one bar he goes to and both the manager and the bartender know us very well and calls one of us to pick him up so he won't have to drive.

BadGoldDigger tells us more.

OP here! The below is going to be pretty tl;dr, so I apologize! :P This has been an ongoing issue ever since we started the house buying process, though I'm pretty sure she has never really like me . I guess she didn't feel threatened until my fiance and I were going to have something legally tying us together. Aaaaand the reason why I'm pretty sure she doesn't like me is because I'm Asian(well, half, so I guess I'm not white enough for her...?) She made a comment when my fiance and I tried dating in high school and broke up about being glad she's not going to have any Asian grand babies. ANYWAYS. He came home from his parents' house pissed as usual because both his parents are super negative. Fortunately, his dad seems to like me, but picks at everything my fiance does. His mom kept asking him questions like, "Are you really happy with her?" "Does she make you happy?" She had asked him where I was at and he told her I was out with friends and she had the audacity to suggest I was cheating on him. Her reasoning, "your dad and I don't see our friends very often." Never mind the fact that my fiance hangs out with his friends until 2AM just about every Saturday night doing nerd things. But I'm not allowed to have friends, apparently. She even took his sarcasm seriously when he told her he was going to have to buy me a nice sink for the kitchen. It has been like that every time he goes to see them(he doesn't wonder why I don't want to go over there) so it has gotten to the point he is going to basically tell them to (nicely) **** off or he's going to stop visiting until they can play nice. Irony is, his grandma from his dad's side used to treat his mom like dirt for the longest time. So unless it's a family tradition, you would think she would understand. Good thing for my fiance is that both my parents adore him and are really supportive of the both of us. I know it's because they both came from families that had a hard time accepting the other.

danielzcwu tells us more.

Here's my original post on FB. FML condense make us condense it to 300 words :p aww man.. Just went through one of the most awkward moments of my life. I Just got off the plane from Taipei to hk, during the flight I fell asleep and had a nightmare. I can't remember what it was about. But, I think I was being attacked. So anyway, I started screaming in my dream, unfortunately that translated to screaming in reality as well. It was a loud scream as well cause it was enough to wake me up. The good and also funny thing is it wasn't just me screaming, there was this old lady sitting next to me, who I guess after I was screaming also started screaming.... It was like domino scream! Luckily I still had my eyes closed and realized it was too awkward and embarrassing to explain myself, I could hear people laughing behind me, beside me and in front.. So I just kept my eyes closed. Seriously , one of the most awkward moments I've been in, it took all my will power to continue pretending to sleep and self control not to laugh cause that old aunty screaming after I screamed was Damn funny... I did a muffled giggle when she was saying ... omg this boy scared me to death.. Luckily someone said quite loudly poor kid he must've had a nightmare.. Sigh.... FML