hmmbrd77

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hmmbrd77

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  • Number of visits : 3684
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  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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hmmbrd77's page activity

Visits<b>ThaReaper319</b> - the 06/15/2014 at 5:37am

hmmbrd77's FML badges

Keen reader – Level: student ninja

You have voted for 15% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

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You've looked for Santa absolutely everywhere, and you managed to find him. Well done!

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hmmbrd77's favorite FMLs

Today, I was diagnosed with a condition that makes me lactate. I'm a 6' tattooed guy with a boxing competition coming up soon. I'm never going to hear the end of this. FML

by Anonymous / 01/28/2016 at 11:26am / United Kingdom / Health

Today, my pubic hairs were poking into my wang, I went to scratch it. Something bit my hand. FML

by swag papi / 01/22/2016 at 12:47am / Australia (Western Australia) / Animals

Today, my eldest daughter announced she was getting divorced. She never even told me she was married. FML

by Kimel / 01/21/2016 at 7:11pm / France (Franche-Comte) / Love

Today, I told my mother that, after years of cheating and abuse, I'm finally getting a divorce. Her reaction was deep concern that my husband might not want to "be friends" with the rest of the family any more. FML

by Really / 01/15/2016 at 11:25am / United States (Montana) / Love

Today, I was out grocery shopping when some pervert decided to slap my ass as they walked by. As I turned around to confront them, I saw that the culprit was a 7 or 8-year-old boy. I was so shocked, speechless and angry that I couldn't even decide how to handle the situation. FML

by DatAss / 01/15/2016 at 5:56am / Kids

Today, my fiancé's mother gave me a beautiful cross necklace to wear for my wedding. I'm Jewish. FML

by Anonymous / 01/13/2016 at 6:03pm / United States (Virginia) / Love

Today, my girlfriend launched her own business. I was recently laid off from my job, so I offered to be her very first employee. I now have the glamorous job of bleaching people's assholes. FML

by Anonymous / 01/12/2016 at 1:04pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was out with my brother and his group of very cute friends at a Cheesecake Factory. When the server came to take our orders, she asked me what kind of sauce I liked. Like a complete fuckwit, I blurted, "I like creamy white stuff." The guy across from me choked on his water. FML

by Bex98 / 01/11/2016 at 3:17am / United States (California) / Intimacy

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I arrived at work to find a bullet hole in the window of the storefront we're leasing. Security assured me it had always been there and the glass shards on the floor had somehow been missed in my many vacuum passes and the pre-lease inspection two months ago, so no need to worry or fix it. FML

by anonymous / 01/08/2016 at 1:49am / United States / Work

Today, I was chilling in my comfy zip-up sweatshirt when I realized I was running late for an acting class. In my mad panic, I forgot I didn't have a shirt or bra underneath. Later in class, I was performing a scene and started to unzip my sweatshirt. You can figure out the rest. FML

by AccidentalFlasher / 01/07/2016 at 9:08pm / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous

Today, I went to move a load of laundry out of the washer and into the dryer, but the clothes were already in the dryer. Normally, I would be happy about this. However, I am currently living alone. FML

by Pithegreat / 01/05/2016 at 11:48pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, I found the engagement ring I'd bought and been missing for a week. On my girlfriend's hand. While my childhood friend was inside her. They apparently like pretending she's married while doing this. They made this self-discovery a week ago. Good for them. I don't want the ring back. FML

Today, I was babysitting. As I went to leave the bathroom, someone grabbed the knob and pulled the door shut. I figured it was one of the kids and told them to knock it off. A second later, the grip let off. There was no one there and the kids were still asleep. I don't know what to think. FML

by Anonymous / 12/26/2015 at 11:54am / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous

Today, I put my 5 month-old daughter in her swinging chair and walked into the kitchen to make her a bottle. When I came back, she was giggling because the dog was licking her face. It would have been cute, picture worthy even, if I actually had a dog. FML

by lolmyfduplife / 12/24/2015 at 1:10am / Animals

Today, I went to see a movie with a seemingly nice guy after a friend set us up. As soon as the movie started, he unzipped his pants and told me to "get to it". FML

by strawberry / 11/17/2015 at 12:51pm / United States (Colorado) / Intimacy