hippo1234

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Offline (the 05/14/2015 at 8:22pm)

hippo1234

3Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 47213
  • Number of comments : 103
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 7 posted

About hippo1234 : Ummm, I'm a female. I like bad puns and sarcasm. My dog is a Springer Spaniel.

hippo1234's page activity

Visits<b>californian21</b> - the 05/17/2016 at 6:10pm<b>TheTshirt</b> - the 05/16/2016 at 11:14am<b>Salvanoi</b> - the 05/01/2016 at 6:08am<b>Joshwarrior</b> - the 12/08/2015 at 10:31am<b>ImaginaryPerson</b> - the 08/08/2015 at 1:20am<b>Hiimhaileypotter</b> - the 07/15/2015 at 8:44am<b>redfoxman01</b> - the 05/16/2015 at 4:03pm<b>TheTOT</b> - the 04/26/2015 at 11:51am<b>Zigstyle308</b> - the 04/10/2015 at 3:51pm<b>steeler088</b> - the 01/23/2015 at 4:11pm<b>mike6598</b> - the 01/20/2015 at 10:10pm<b>Cortana101</b> - the 11/29/2014 at 11:54pm<b>tehaustiebear</b> - the 10/01/2014 at 11:05pm<b>urlit</b> - the 09/17/2014 at 10:47pm<b>Taylor22294</b> - the 09/05/2014 at 4:40pm<b>Wingman527</b> - the 09/04/2014 at 5:27pm<b>plaidalecki</b> - the 09/04/2014 at 2:09pm<b>MountainGiant87</b> - the 09/04/2014 at 3:32am

Fucked!<b>Joshwarrior</b> - the 12/08/2015 at 4:31pm<b>TheTshirt</b> - the 07/11/2015 at 6:43pm<b>Wingman527</b> - the 09/04/2014 at 11:27pm

hippo1234's FML badges

The Mixer

You like to live life randomly, and we salute you.

Keen reader – Level: student ninja

You have voted for 15% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

The Thumb returns

You have thumbed 5000 comments.

See all of hippo1234's badges

hippo1234's favorite FMLs

Today, I witnessed my husband in the shower singing Chicago's "You're the Inspiration" to his penis while manscaping. I guess that's a bond we'll never have. FML

by LD / 01/23/2015 at 11:46am / United States (Idaho) / Intimacy

Today, I was waiting at a traffic light next to an ice cream van. The man in it turned to me and winked, making sexual hand gestures. I felt my childhood die horribly as I watched. FML

by Anonymous / 10/24/2014 at 8:30pm / Australia (Western Australia) / Love

Today, I tried to blink out a small speck of dirt that was caught in my eye. Instead, I learned what it feels like to suffocate a small, angry spider with your eyelid. FML

by Anonymous / 09/04/2014 at 2:44am / United States (Michigan) / Animals

Today, it was report card day at swimming lessons. Because it was the last day, a little girl brought me flowers. She was the only kid in that class who didn't pass. FML

by anonymous / 09/03/2014 at 9:31pm / Canada (Saskatchewan) / Work

Today, I proposed to my girlfriend. She just grabbed the ring and said in a raspy voice, "My precious..." FML

by anonymous / 09/02/2014 at 2:58pm / United States (Connecticut) / Love

Today, I had to flush someone else's shit in the public washroom at work. It was so vile, I didn't want to get anywhere near it, so flushed it with my foot, only for it to slip off the handle and into the toilet. FML

by Alisterine / 08/24/2014 at 1:31pm / United States (Missouri) / Work

Today, I had some painful gas at work, so I tried to silently ease it out. It was silent all right; silent, and so deadly that someone exclaimed, "What the fuck?!" My coworkers traced it back to me. Now they're all pointing their mini desk fans in my direction to make a point. FML

by Anonymous / 08/19/2014 at 5:54pm / Canada (Ontario) / Work

Today, I told my husband that I'm jealous of all the other girls whose husbands always take pictures of them together and post them online. He responded by posting a picture of himself, with me on the toilet in the background, captioned "The bitch on the pot." FML

by Anonymous / 08/19/2014 at 2:16pm / United States (Arizona) / Love

Today, while on a tour bus, our guide told us that "Jimi Hendrix was like, uh, the Miley Cyrus of the '60s." I'm actually a committed pacifist, but I was already halfway out of my seat to choke the pimply-faced twat out before I managed to restrain myself. Now I'm scared of myself. FML

by Anonymous / 08/14/2014 at 5:13pm / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was taking an order for a patron at the casino. The policy is to "pay first." After explaining this to him, he still refused to pay. After years of being polite, I finally cracked and said, "You are making this really f-ing difficult". This particular patron was our CEO's son. FML

by really though? / 08/03/2014 at 6:02pm / United States (Delaware) / Work

Today, while in the yard, my 18-month-old son decided to take off running into the road, where a car was driving. I rushed after him, only for one of my dress straps to suddenly break without warning. It must have looked like I was trying to flag down the driver with my flailing tit. FML

by icandothecancan / 06/21/2014 at 7:14pm / United States (Oklahoma) / Kids

Today, some alarm, somewhere in my house, is making a low battery noise. I've checked every smoke detector multiple times, and I can't find it. It has been hours. I'm not sure if its still doing it or if the sound has just invaded my brain. FML

by AndrewKeane / 06/09/2014 at 12:26pm / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, my grandmother tried to start a fist-fight with my wife during my wedding ceremony. FML

by Anonymous / 06/02/2014 at 2:17pm / United States (California) / Love

Today, I walked in on my 15 year old daughter and her boyfriend. They were standing in my bathroom, both naked from the waist down. Supposedly, he was trying to "teach her how to pee standing up." FML

by help me / 06/01/2014 at 11:51am / United States (Connecticut) / Intimacy

Today, I spent several hours downtown with my violent grandma, after she was arrested for threatening a guy with a gun. His crime? "Trespassing" by ringing the doorbell and asking if she was interested in donating to charity. FML

by Anonymous / 05/31/2014 at 4:04pm / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous