About heymoon : I lurk.
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heymoon's favorite FMLs
Today, when I excitedly announced to my mother-in-law that I was pregnant, she looked at me with a blank expression and asked me who the father was. She's 45. She's not senile or suffering from dementia, but apparently just suffering from being a chronic bitch. FML
by littlelottie / 01/17/2012 at 12:04pm / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous
Today, I started my new job as a dishwasher, and was very excited since I've been broke for weeks. A few people dined and dashed, apparently for the first time in the restaurant's history. My boss is superstitious. She fired me. FML
by broke / 01/17/2012 at 11:08am / Canada (Ontario) / Work
by Lea / 01/16/2012 at 3:18pm / Denmark (Sjelland) / Miscellaneous
by lolwut / 01/15/2012 at 1:17pm / United States / Intimacy
by Duplighost / 01/12/2012 at 3:16pm / United States (Colorado) / Intimacy
Today, my five-year-old daughter told me she was going to throw up. I told her to rush to the bathroom. I followed her a few seconds later, only to find her sitting on the toilet and vomiting onto the floor. FML
by espylone / 12/17/2011 at 10:42am / France / Kids
by fmll / 12/17/2011 at 8:17am / Norway (Hordaland) / Love
Today, my girlfriend and I were getting intimate and planning on having sex for the first time. I picked her up off the couch, and in so doing, accidentally lifted her too high, putting her head through the ceiling. She had a mild concussion. FML
by Ouch / 04/25/2011 at 3:31pm / Canada (Ontario) / Intimacy
by notsolucky / 02/12/2011 at 10:01am / Canada (Ontario) / Work
by Jaws / 02/10/2011 at 11:09am / France (Alsace) / Miscellaneous
Today, I decided to surprise my boyfriend by creating an account on Runescape; his favorite game. After finding him in-game, I started talking to him, not revealing who I was. After a while, I asked him if he had a girlfriend. He promptly said no and asked me for nude pics. FML
by Samyett / 02/09/2011 at 2:22pm / United States / Love
Today, to give the illusion that I have friends, I wrote an outrageous status on Facebook, and then pretended it was the result of a friend hacking my page, all in the hope that it would get comments, likes or at least some attention. Nothing happened. FML
by Anonymous / 02/09/2011 at 5:02am / Australia (New South Wales) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 02/09/2011 at 12:19am / Australia (Western Australia) / Intimacy
by blah blah daddy / 10/02/2010 at 7:08pm / United States (California) / Kids
- 1Today, after two weeks of trying to convince my parents to go to my high school graduation. They… 2Today, my neighbor's 4-year-old daughter came up to me and asked if she could have my dog. When I… 3Today, my flatmate came home from a date with the same guy that I have been in love with since high…
- Today, I was making out with my boyfriend and he was fingering me. After he left, my mum says to me… Today, I walked in on my mom, legs spread and changing her tampon, all while she was carrying on a… Today, I was at the breakfast table when my sister started eating a banana. Before I knew what was…
- Today, I told my son off because he lost a form. A form that I later found in my right-hand pocket.… Today, I’m a bus driver in Paris. A guy got on with a sheep. I told him that you can’t take the bus… Today, straight after we had sex, my boyfriend went to the bathroom. He stayed in there for a long…