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hellphone's favorite FMLs
by wellthisisbad / 02/29/2016 at 7:27am / United States (Florida) / Kids
Today, I was supposed to start my vacation in Italy. I guess not everyone heard that I canceled it due to health problems, because this morning I caught two of my "friends" unplugging my TV after breaking into my house. FML
by Anonymous / 10/28/2015 at 11:28am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, my parents pranked me hard. They spent breakfast messing with my head, all to convince me that I was dreaming. I got so excited at finally having a lucid dream that I ran outside in my pajamas, yelling "Woo-hoo!" and trying to fly. Nothing happened. People saw. FML
by Anonymous / 10/02/2015 at 6:22pm / United States (Virginia) / Miscellaneous
by NOOOOOO / 08/16/2015 at 7:18pm / United States / Miscellaneous
by explainer / 11/08/2011 at 12:54pm / South Africa (Gauteng) / Intimacy
by lunarstrain / 11/08/2011 at 1:11am / United Kingdom (London) / Intimacy
Today, my girlfriend has a new obsession: grabbing my junk and whispering in my ear the song, "Baby, Imma Be Your Motivation." Problem? I get an instant boner and she only does it in public, because it's "funny as hell." FML
by InstantHardOn / 11/07/2011 at 11:43pm / United States / Intimacy
Today, I found out my soon to be ex-husband is going to be a father. We spent our entire marriage unsuccessfully trying for a baby. The mother of his unborn child isn't his new girlfriend, but someone else he was cheating on her with. Our divorce isn't even finalized yet. FML
by Anonymous / 11/07/2011 at 3:48pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Love
by Luke / 11/07/2011 at 9:53am / United States (Virginia) / Money
Today, my recently ex-girlfriend's mother called me regarding her baby girl, saying, "If you mess with the chicklet, you mess with the momma hen." I have no idea what the hell this means for my future, but I'm a bit scared. FML
by roadkill0321 / 11/07/2011 at 2:20am / United States / Love
by Cat / 11/06/2011 at 11:43pm / United States (Arkansas) / Intimacy
Today, I was in an elevator with my girlfriend when it suddenly stopped. Thinking of being spontaneous like in all the movies, I propped her up on the railings and started getting passionate. That's when the emergency phone rang. And I discovered there was a security camera. FML
by Anonymous / 11/05/2011 at 8:04pm / Reserved / Intimacy
by whatadisappointmnet / 11/05/2011 at 2:58pm / United States / Intimacy
Today, I was at my boyfriend's house, meeting his family for the first time. I was leaning against him when he reached around, grabbed my boobs, and started making "pew-pew" laser noises, all in front of his family. I can't believe I'm dating this child. FML
by Sidney / 11/04/2011 at 9:21pm / United States (Georgia) / Intimacy
by foreverashamed / 11/04/2011 at 2:57am / Canada / Love
- Today, when I returned from holiday, I discovered my best friend taught my parrot dirty phrases for… Today, my boyfriend asked why I never let him go down on me. I told him that it doesn't do much for… Today, while I was shaving my nether regions, my trimmer slipped and ate a chunk out of my balls,…