About heinous966 : I'm slightly obsessed with Star Trek.
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heinous966's favorite FMLs
Today, a customer cussed me out for hiding behind the counter a jacket she's been "eyeing since it came out". She loudly exclaimed that she was going to report me to my manager and get me "fired." It was my personal jacket that we don't even sell. FML
by ktmla / 05/11/2014 at 12:13am / United States (Florida) / Work
by Anonymous / 05/10/2014 at 6:11pm / Sweden (Vastra Gotaland) / Animals
Today, while at work as a telemarketer, I called a customer on his home phone. Once I was connected, an automated voice said, "To speak with a customer, please press 1." Confused, I pressed one. I then heard loud laughter followed by, "Oh my god! What a dumbass!" before they hung up. FML
by Anonymous / 05/07/2014 at 11:57pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Work
Today, my husband and I put our children to bed a little earlier than usual, so we could have some sexy time. Immediately following my full-blown orgasm, I rolled over, only to see my wide-eyed son peeking over the top of the mattress. FML
by Anonymous / 05/07/2014 at 10:31pm / United States (Florida) / Intimacy
Today, I retrieved the wrong luggage from an airport carousel. I'm now the owner of two water-bras, a false beard, a bag of cat litter, and some anal beads. I am afraid to get in touch with the original owner. FML
by BaggedDown / 05/07/2014 at 9:25pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 05/06/2014 at 7:28pm / United States (New Jersey) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 05/06/2014 at 6:47pm / United States (Nevada) / Work
Today, I turned in my best painting yet for a scholarship competition. For once in my life, I was actually proud of a piece I'd done. I ended up losing the scholarship to some dickface who'd basically just glued together some crap from the dollar store and called it conceptual art. FML
by assgoblins piss me off / 05/06/2014 at 4:52pm / Canada (Alberta) / Miscellaneous
Today, a bird got into the walls of my house through a hole. I located where it was by following the chirping and scratching sounds, and drilled a hole to get it out. I pulled out the drill, only to find the drill bit bloody. Suddenly, no more chirps. FML
by Anonymous / 05/05/2014 at 5:03pm / United States (Indiana) / Animals
Today, I had a nightmare and woke up in a cold sweat. My girlfriend was in bed with me at the time, and swears I yelled out another girl's name. She considers this proof that I'm cheating on her, and now she won't even speak to me. FML
by wtf / 05/03/2014 at 12:50pm / Germany (Rheinland-Pfalz) / Love
by loserman / 04/29/2014 at 6:40pm / United States (Texas) / Love
Today, my Spanish teacher imitated the sound of a coffee grinder, and then said in Spanish, "OK, all of you do it." I did it, thinking everyone else would too. I was the only one in the class who'd understood the Spanish part. FML
by me / 04/24/2014 at 11:32am / United States (Kentucky) / Work
by Blaisey / 04/21/2014 at 1:25pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Animals
by Sue Ellen / 04/21/2014 at 11:43am / United States (Rhode Island) / Intimacy
- 1Today, my neighbor's 4-year-old daughter came up to me and asked if she could have my dog. When I… 2Today, after working for Uber for a few weeks I realized that my driver rating was dropping. After… 3Today, I moved three hours away from my boyfriend for college. Even though he got accepted to the…
- Today, my boyfriend and I decided to have sex at his house. When we got there, he checked his mail… Today, I was on webcam with my boyfriend and absent-mindedly began sucking on a marker. He jokingly… Today, I took a shower with my boyfriend. I tried to be adventurous and went to give him a blowjob,…