About heinous966 : I'm slightly obsessed with Star Trek.
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heinous966's favorite FMLs
Today, I baked a strawberry cake and I didn't have any fresh strawberries for garnish, so I used a can of strawberry pie filling. My neighbors said it looked like the cake was taken from the dumpster behind an abortion clinic. FML
by sothishappened / 05/20/2014 at 5:54am / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous
by thepixies842 / 05/19/2014 at 11:34am / Canada (Ontario) / Intimacy
Today, I took my son to lunch. After we ate, the waitress came over and told me that my son was the most well-behaved child they had ever had there. His response was to pull his pants down and moon the entire restaurant while smacking his bottom. FML
by BekkyLove15 / 05/18/2014 at 8:12pm / United Kingdom (Hampshire) / Kids
Today, I was chewed out by a lady who claimed the laptop she bought wouldn't turn on, and that she wanted a refund. She yelled and shoved the laptop at me, not even listening when I told her I didn't even work at that store. FML
by lemongrab / 05/18/2014 at 10:14am / Canada / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 05/17/2014 at 3:33pm / United States (California) / Love
by pissed off / 05/16/2014 at 8:33pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, I had a wonderful dream where I got married to the perfect guy, then had the best sex of my life on a beautiful honeymoon. The only problem is that my "husband" was the snowman from Frozen, and that I got sad when I realized it was just a dream. FML
by Anonymous / 05/16/2014 at 5:07pm / United States / Love
by fuck florida / 05/16/2014 at 3:26pm / United States (California) / Intimacy
by dieana / 05/16/2014 at 8:16am / Canada (Alberta) / Miscellaneous
Today, I finally decided to get my five-year-old son a rabbit, so I explained to him how to take care of it. When I'd finished listing all the things he'd have to do, he replied, "That's too complicated... Couldn't we just eat it instead?" FML
by Anonyme / 05/16/2014 at 3:55am / Canada (Quebec) / Animals
Today, I was hosting my daughter's thirteenth birthday party. One parent decided to stay at my house, the only parent to do so. The entire night she critiqued every decision I made, from the films to the cake. When it was time to open presents, her kid was the only one without one. FML
by madbirthdaymomma / 05/15/2014 at 11:15pm / United States (Georgia) / Kids
by salmone / 05/15/2014 at 9:03pm / Australia (Victoria) / Intimacy
Today, I accidentally said the wrong name during sex. That name just happened to be "Sarah", which is both my ex-girlfriend's name and my wife's sister's name. When she asked me which one I meant, I panicked and said, "Both." FML
by FLIPmcCOOL / 05/15/2014 at 6:57pm / Ireland (Cork) / Intimacy
Today, I walked outside to see my boyfriend standing on my porch, looking confused. He explained to me that he had attached a prom proposal note to his pet rabbit, and let it inside my house to find me. We went looking for said rabbit, and found my dog halfway through eating it. FML
by Anonymous / 05/11/2014 at 6:49pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Animals
- Today, I’m in China, and I took my Golden Retriever to the groomer’s to get him cleaned up, because… Today, I threw up when I got home because I'd been drinking with friends. My parents asked what was… Today, I’m on vacation in Tunisia. Having trouble with the heat at night, I tried sleeping outside…