About heinous966 : I'm slightly obsessed with Star Trek.
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heinous966's favorite FMLs
by sad / 01/08/2011 at 12:22am / United States (Oregon) / Love
Today, my crush walked me home. As my mom opens the door, she tells me in Russian how ugly he is, and that I have extremely bad taste. Out of all the languages in the world, he happens to be fluent in Russian. FML
by Anonymous / 10/13/2010 at 10:45am / Brunei Darussalam / Love
Today, my cousin came to visit from America. While out shopping, she said loudly that she was having trouble finding clothes to fit around her huge fanny, causing a lot of people to stare in our direction. I had to explain to her that "fanny" in the UK means "vagina." FML
by Anonymous / 09/09/2010 at 10:00am / United Kingdom (London) / Miscellaneous
Today, I have to pack for tomorrow's family vacation. For one week I get to be stuck in a one bedroom cabin with my alcoholic father, bipolar mother, and two much younger siblings who have a passion for screaming. FML
by toriforever / 07/05/2010 at 7:22pm / United States (Texas) / Kids
by dane / 06/29/2010 at 2:07pm / United States (Iowa) / Love
Today, after breaking up with my boyfriend, some of my friends decided to take me to a comedy club for a girls night. My friend's jealous husband decided he had to come along, then decided to invite my other friends' boyfriends. I ended up being the seventh wheel on a night meant to cheer me up. FML
by Anonymous / 06/17/2010 at 11:20pm / United States (Ohio) / Miscellaneous
by ChubbyAmerican / 05/22/2010 at 7:24pm / United States (New Mexico) / Love
by DallasGal / 02/14/2010 at 11:31am / United States (Texas) / Intimacy
Today, I was having sex with a girl when her parents decided to come home early. Trying to run out the back door I fell and broke my ankle. Not only did her former Navy Seal father find out I was banging his little princess, he drove me to the ER, alone. FML
Today, a man I don't know came up to me and started screaming about how "all you damn Mexicans were stealing American's jobs" and he stormed off. I'm Native American, and I'm pretty sure we've been here longer. FML
by hardtotell / 01/21/2010 at 7:45pm / United States (Utah) / Miscellaneous
by Creepster / 01/13/2010 at 1:31am / United States (Ohio) / Miscellaneous
Today, my mother confronted me about my bird's masturbation problem. We spent Christmas Eve Googling "bird masturbating" and watching videos to see if that was actually what my bird was doing. At least he's having a good Christmas. FML
by suuuuuupucci / 12/25/2009 at 1:25am / United States (California) / Animals
Today, I went on blind date with a guy because both our moms thought we'd like eachother. Things were going really well until I got up to go to the bathroom and he says: "My mom was right, you do have perfect breedin' hips!" FML
by Starchyld / 11/11/2009 at 7:21am / Canada (Ontario) / Love
Today, I went to my Russian language class after days of being sick. We must speak in Russian. The professor asked how I felt. I said "like shit." I didn't know the word I used was the verb, not the noun. So I told an awesome prof and class I was "feeling like I was in the process of defacating." FML
by rebel_rose / 09/25/2009 at 2:18am / United States (Iowa) / Miscellaneous
Today, I went back home. My drunk mother was screaming at my drunk step-dad about a fight that happened four years ago. My little sister was looking in the mirror practicing her "orgasm face" while the neighbors were dancing outside, coked out and naked. FML
by Anonymous / 09/19/2009 at 12:55am / United States (Michigan) / Miscellaneous
- 1Today, my boyfriend presented me with a 30-minute montage video of him working out and flexing his… 2Today, my boyfriend finally told me that he loved me. This would've been fantastic if he didn't say… 3Today, it's been 2 weeks since I ordered a printer so I could print schoolwork, that way I don't…