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heathbeth

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heathbeth
  • Town/Country : Not specified
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  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 177
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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heathbeth's FML badges

I agree, their lives suck

200 votes confirming that their life is crap. It’s what the website is all about.

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Keen reader – Level: master ninja

You have voted for 50% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

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heathbeth's favorite FMLs

Today, I was on a date, when I suddenly choked on my own saliva and coughed so hard that I passed out. FML

Today, my husband was getting undressed. I told my 2-year-old daughter not to go in our bedroom because he was undressing in there. I turned my back and she instantly ran off to my bedroom. I heard her shout "I can see daddy's tail!" Now, she points to everyone's crotch and shouts "TAIL!" FML

#20943580
145 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46295) - you deserved it (5534)

On 11/03/2013 at 9:22am - kids - by KittyKat (woman) - United Kingdom (Milton Keynes)

Today, my new deodorant caused an allergic reaction, covering my armpits in a painful rash. I've had to awkwardly waddle around all day with my arms splayed outwards to get any relief. One customer at work sarcastically mentioned that it's nice that they're hiring penguins these days. FML

#20909610
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36779) - you deserved it (2853)

On 10/06/2013 at 1:40pm - health - by _/ | \_ (woman) - Singapore

Today, I woke up to my creepy new roommate licking my cheek. FML

#20909568
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42696) - you deserved it (3248)

On 10/06/2013 at 1:13pm - misc - by D: (woman) - Sent from mobile version

Today, I came out of the closet. Now whenever I'm getting ready to go somewhere with my dad he says, "Lesgo, lesbo." FML

#20876692
162 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53061) - you deserved it (11819)

On 09/11/2013 at 2:17am - misc - by spiritbeast33 (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I could hear my daughter playing with her Barbie dolls in her room. "Do you think your boss will agree to give you a raise?", she said. "Of course, we slept together!" My daughter is six. FML

#20856377
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46008) - you deserved it (7630) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 08/27/2013 at 6:32am - kids - by Poly24 - Sent from mobile version

Today, at work, I had to utter the phrase, "Sir, please stop rubbing yourself with the peas." It's exactly how it sounds. FML

#20847854
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40051) - you deserved it (2788)

On 08/21/2013 at 1:30pm - work - by twatstick (woman) - United Kingdom (Nottinghamshire)

Today, I got sexual tingles while watching a Subway worker assemble my sandwich. FML

#20846728
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39408) - you deserved it (8527)

On 08/20/2013 at 6:46pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United Kingdom (Sheffield)

Today, I was verbally abused by a customer at my job. Apparently, wearing "ugly, thick-framed hipster glasses as a fashion statement is a HUGE faux pas." These are my actual prescription glasses, and "faux pas" is not pronounced "fox paws". FML

#20840053
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39482) - you deserved it (2867)

On 08/16/2013 at 7:08am - misc - by hipster glasses - United States

Today, my sister admitted to selling pages of my diary to my old boyfriends. FML

#20837392
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41978) - you deserved it (3391)

On 08/14/2013 at 5:13pm - kids - by sisterly love - United States (California)

Today, I was having dinner with my boyfriend's family, and he was saying how well his driving lessons are going. During this conversation his mum told him to "stop blowing your own trumpet." He replied, "If I could do that, I wouldn't need Anna." His dad gave him a high-five. FML

#20836995
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (57029) - you deserved it (6359)

On 08/14/2013 at 12:22pm - intimacy - by NoMoreTrumpetBlowing (woman) - United Kingdom

Today, while cleaning my ears with Q-tips, I came in my pants. FML

#20835942
143 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45706) - you deserved it (16289)

On 08/13/2013 at 7:53pm - intimacy - by ANON (man) - United States (California)

Today, I finally worked up the courage to write a girl a note, with my number on it, and the words: "You're stunning. Get in touch sometime." Heart pounding, I saw her, got up, and passed her the note. Then I passed out at her feet. FML

#20825416
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50561) - you deserved it (6645)

On 08/07/2013 at 11:46am - love - by Anonymous - United Kingdom (London, City of)

Today, my grandma walked into my house drunk. She was mumbling something about her being a badass because she beat someone with a pool stick at a bar. She's 68 years old. FML

#20804067
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35543) - you deserved it (3228)

On 07/26/2013 at 2:10am - misc - by dareyale (woman) - United States (Alabama)

Today, I was making love to my boyfriend, when he discovered that if he hits a certain area just right, my leg starts shaking like a dog. Now he won't stop patting my head and saying, "Who's a good girl?!" FML

#20727770
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51949) - you deserved it (7246)

On 06/15/2013 at 4:26pm - intimacy - by woof woof?? (woman) - Canada (Alberta)



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