About headofmedusa : I love metal and tea. Oh, and my name is Jackie.
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You commented on an FML between 6 and 7 am.
I agree, their lives suck
200 votes confirming that their life is crap. It’s what the website is all about.
headofmedusa's favorite FMLs
Today, my grandpa came into my room and asked for a pen. As I gave it to him, he let rip the foulest fart I've ever smelled in my life, and walked out without a word. 2 hours later, the smell is not only still there, it's filled the room. Looks like I'm sleeping downstairs on the couch tonight. FML
by Anonymous / 11/23/2014 at 7:52am / United Kingdom / Miscellaneous
by tine / 11/16/2014 at 4:44am / Australia (New South Wales) / Love
by wtfdad / 11/16/2014 at 12:29am / United States (New Jersey) / Kids
Today, I excitedly told my mom that I'm pregnant with my second child. She shot back, "You know what's a REAL achievement? Jacking your dad off in church last week without anyone noticing. Aim higher." I really didn't need to know that. FML
by jennabee97 / 11/08/2014 at 6:02pm / Canada (Ontario) / Kids
Today, my boyfriend and I tried roleplaying a teacher-student during sex. We're both studying to be actors, so we ended up going into a really deep, emotional storyline that didn't end in sex at all. FML
by too good / 10/24/2014 at 6:54am / United Kingdom (Kent) / Intimacy
by pyrogypsy / 10/23/2014 at 9:05pm / United States (Washington) / Transportation
Today, I was shopping when a woman stopped me and asked me what lipgloss I was wearing because my lips looked gorgeous. I had to explain to her it was just the grease from the Slim Jim I had just eaten. FML
by Anonymos_fmler / 10/20/2014 at 8:38pm / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous
by how about never? / 10/19/2014 at 7:22am / United States (California) / Kids
Today, I tried to propose to my girlfriend, but I was so nervous that I had a panic attack, fainted and split my head open. My girlfriend then fainted at the sight of the blood. An onlooker had to call an ambulance for both of us. FML
by Anonymous / 10/18/2014 at 9:23pm / United States (New York) / Love
by KayyElOh94 / 10/17/2014 at 6:30pm / United States / Kids
Today, I walked into my house and saw it was flooded. I went upstairs to the bathroom to see the toilet overflowing and my boyfriend holding my dog over it so he could drink it. My boyfriend said he didn't know what else to do. FML
by anonymous / 10/16/2014 at 4:53pm / United States (Michigan) / Miscellaneous
Today, I finally worked up the nerve to talk dirty to my boyfriend, after he promised not to laugh at me. All seemed well, until I heard laughter. It wasn't him, though; it was his family listening from the other room. FML
by TalkDirtyToMe / 10/10/2014 at 3:33pm / New Zealand / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 09/26/2014 at 11:30pm / New Zealand / Intimacy
Today, my husband felt dishonoured: his darling little girl, the love of his life, whom he's always considered pure, turns out to be pregnant. He's now warned her: she's grounded and that whoever did this to her had better not come hanging round the house. Pussy, two years old, is now housebound until her kittens are born. FML
by Anonyme / 09/26/2014 at 2:56am / France (Lorraine) / Animals
by bri_sci94 / 09/26/2014 at 2:56am / United States (Wisconsin) / Love
- Today, my mother was vacuuming my room and found a towel under my bed. She asked "why does it smell… Today, an hour after having been turned down for sex, I walked in on my wife fingering herself to a… Today, during a blowjob, my girlfriend decided to try something new by squeezing my balls as hard…