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hausmad1

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hausmad1
  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 65
  • Number of comments : 17
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 6 posted

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hausmad1's favorite FMLs

Today, as I have been for 10 years, I'm allergic to fruit. After an argument with my mother, she yelled, "Here, have a banana and go kill yourself!" FML

#20434659
218 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42966) - you deserved it (6773) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 12/31/2012 at 5:09pm - misc - by aelia_oups - Sent from mobile version

Today, multiple people admired my elaborate face paint. This happens every Halloween, at least every Halloween since I got badly burnt in a car accident. FML

#20142623
143 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38518) - you deserved it (1436)

On 11/01/2012 at 7:17am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (Kingston upon Hull, City of)

Today, I realized that my five-year-old daughters are deranged psychopaths, when one of them started screaming to get my attention while the other pulled the car door shut on my fingers. FML

#20134163
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19751) - you deserved it (2711)

On 10/26/2012 at 12:17pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) - Philippines (Manila)

Today, my parents gave me a sock and card for my eighteenth birthday. The card said, "Now that Dobby is free, get out." FML

#20118693
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23369) - you deserved it (2949)

On 10/15/2012 at 9:19pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Indiana)

Today, my 14-year-old step-daughter announced that she is 4 months pregnant. The father is my 15-year-old son. FML

#20111886
525 comments

I agree, your life sucks (71944) - you deserved it (8398)

On 10/11/2012 at 10:30am - kids - by wdunn69733 - United States (Georgia)

Today, I was pulled over. The cop stated that he "couldn't see" me because I had "blended in with the dark car background", and that it looked like no one was driving. I was literally pulled over for being black. FML

#20068526
206 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37694) - you deserved it (2942)

On 09/12/2012 at 3:00am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I walked downstairs with a couple of bags full of stuff, in preparation for a sleepover at my friend's house. My nine-year-old cousin looked at me and said, "Where're you going? Fat camp?" FML

#20064659
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15051) - you deserved it (2970)

On 09/09/2012 at 1:02pm - health - by Char (woman) - United Kingdom (Falkirk)

Today, after I requested a sick day, a very close co-worker texted her boyfriend that I'm a bitch for pretending to have the same rare illness that she recently suffered. She said it was unlikely, disrespectful and unfair that I didn't even look sick. I know this because she texted me instead. FML

#20037042
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20140) - you deserved it (2236)

On 08/23/2012 at 3:56am - work - by Anonymous - United States (Nevada)

Today, I found out that I'm allergic to bacon. FML

#19903031
301 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58973) - you deserved it (4705)

On 07/07/2012 at 12:45am - health - by Dammit - United States (California)

Today, my boyfriend and I were getting heated, and he started to go down on me. In excitement, I accidentally drove a knee into his face. No amount of fondling his diddlestick made him forgive me for his bloody nose and swollen eye. FML

#19289453
149 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18403) - you deserved it (10454)

On 03/16/2012 at 4:23pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Ireland

Today, I was at a Chinese restaurant with my boyfriend and his family. After the meal, we all decided to open our fortune cookies and read them out loud. On mine, it said "You will change your mind many times before settling down." I didn't realize what it meant until after I'd read it to them. FML

#18009557
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20392) - you deserved it (3961)

On 10/17/2011 at 8:16pm - love - by pupitre (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I had sex with a Juggalo. FML

#16534562
212 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12220) - you deserved it (41548)

On 06/06/2011 at 7:20pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, I was on Skype with a guy I really like, in the living room. My dad saw that I was on video chat, got undressed, right down to his bright green y-fronts, and then started dancing behind me. My crush saw it all. FML

#13536412
150 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32975) - you deserved it (6301)

On 10/21/2010 at 11:20am - misc - by maddiee. (woman) - Indonesia (Jakarta Raya)

Today, my best friend became my ex-best friend. I have finally gotten over the guy she stole from me a year ago and have developed a crush on another guy. My best friend called me today to tell me that she broke up with the first guy and is now going out with my current crush. FML

#7641681
208 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28606) - you deserved it (3314)

On 01/28/2010 at 12:27pm - love - by Cheater_Cheater_Pumpkin_Eater - United States (Michigan)

Today, I had an elderly man come to my cash register. His total came to $15.50 He handed me $5 in nickels and dimes. A full roll of quarters. Before I could take the roll, he bust it open, making me count it. After that was all counted he was 50 cents short. So he handed me a $10 bill. FML

#6594787
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31286) - you deserved it (2273)

On 12/04/2009 at 1:27am - work - by Chels (woman) - United States (Illinois)



Bénédicte's illustrated FML

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  • Bénédicte's Illustrated FML
  • "If drawing stuff is the food of love, then get a better pencil." That's not a real expression, I just made it up because I needed a good opening line. It's not even that good of an opening line, but…

Thursday 10 April 2014

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