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hare's favorite FMLs
by louise. / 10/18/2010 at 5:06am / Australia (New South Wales) / Love
by 42 / 07/07/2010 at 5:43am / Canada (British Columbia) / Miscellaneous
Today, I came back from a week long class trip. My mother took it upon herself to replace my bed sheets and clean my room. Apparently, she found a note under my mattress from my ex-boyfriend. It said "For all you future dudes, Connor was here first!" FML
by FASHlONABLE / 04/05/2010 at 3:32am / United States (California) / Intimacy
by syl / 02/11/2010 at 1:18am / Canada (Alberta) / Intimacy
Today, I was awakened from a peaceful sleep by my crazy ex-girlfriend, who apparently copied my key before our break up three months ago. She was on top of me, stroking my beard, whispering: “He looks like Jesus.” FML
by Anonymous / 12/20/2009 at 3:47am / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous
Today, I sent a Facebook friend request to the guy who had the party I was at last night. I immediately realized, however, that my new profile picture is of me, smiling and holding the trophy I stole from his house. FML
by Klepto / 11/15/2009 at 12:34pm / United States (District of Columbia) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was called by my son's school. They said he'd been forging my signature and comments in his reading book. He didn't forge them. I don't know what's worse: my handwriting looking like a 6 year old's, or being too cowardly to admit it. He has a week of lunch detention, but I still have my dignity. FML
by shaggy / 08/30/2009 at 5:26pm / Canada (Ontario) / Love
Today, my boyfriend sent me a text saying to call him. When I did, it went straight to voicemail. It was a recording of him breaking up with me. He broke up with me over the phone, without even talking to me. FML
by Anonymous / 08/11/2009 at 10:05pm / United States (California) / Love
by joedoe / 07/18/2009 at 2:03am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
by dramaqueen / 04/14/2009 at 12:44am / United States (Florida) / Love
Today, I was shaving off my beard for the first time in a very long time. I decided to have a little fun with it, and shaved my beard first into a goatee, then a handle-bar, then, finally, into a Hitler mustache. My electric razor dies. I don't have a normal one or an extra battery. FML
by nomorebeard / 03/25/2009 at 10:13am / United States (North Carolina) / Miscellaneous
Today, my son said, "Mommy, sometimes my pee-pee goes up like a stick." I replied, "Well, honey, that's normal and okay." I then asked when it happens, to which he said, "Well, sometimes when watching Scooby Doo and Shaggy comes out dressed in lady clothes." FML
by ScoobieDoo / 03/20/2009 at 12:15am / United States (Washington) / Kids
Today, my boyfriend and I were at his house having sex. After about 30 minutes, his mom came home and was knocking on the door asking "What are you doing?" Thinking I might have a chance to sneak out, I got dressed real quiet. Then my boyfriend answers, "Zoe. I'm doing Zoe." FML
by Zoe123 / 03/19/2009 at 2:05am / United States (Texas) / Intimacy
Today, I was at church and saw a blind teenager who obviously felt lost. Feeling like I should help I went over and asked if he needed anything. He said, "I can't find my caretaker." I asked, "What does she look like?" FML
by wideman / 02/28/2009 at 2:59am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
- Today, my phone provider informed me that I had 12 messages waiting for me on my voicemail. Happy… Today, I’m a bus driver in Paris. A guy got on with a sheep. I told him that you can’t take the bus… Today, my boyfriend wanted to show me that he listened to me yesterday: I said that I loved unusual…