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hare's favorite FMLs
Today, I was on a bench enjoying the sun, when a guy comes and sits next to me. Next thing I know, he lets out a loud fart, then looks my way with pride. I stare back in shock. He then says to me, "Yeah, that just happened," and walks off. FML
by flying13 / 11/03/2010 at 3:27am / United States (Nevada) / Miscellaneous
by louise. / 10/18/2010 at 5:06am / Australia (New South Wales) / Love
by 42 / 07/07/2010 at 5:43am / Canada (British Columbia) / Miscellaneous
Today, I came back from a week long class trip. My mother took it upon herself to replace my bed sheets and clean my room. Apparently, she found a note under my mattress from my ex-boyfriend. It said "For all you future dudes, Connor was here first!" FML
by FASHlONABLE / 04/05/2010 at 3:32am / United States (California) / Intimacy
by syl / 02/11/2010 at 1:18am / Canada (Alberta) / Intimacy
Today, I was awakened from a peaceful sleep by my crazy ex-girlfriend, who apparently copied my key before our break up three months ago. She was on top of me, stroking my beard, whispering: “He looks like Jesus.” FML
by Anonymous / 12/20/2009 at 3:47am / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous
Today, I sent a Facebook friend request to the guy who had the party I was at last night. I immediately realized, however, that my new profile picture is of me, smiling and holding the trophy I stole from his house. FML
by Klepto / 11/15/2009 at 12:34pm / United States (District of Columbia) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was called by my son's school. They said he'd been forging my signature and comments in his reading book. He didn't forge them. I don't know what's worse: my handwriting looking like a 6 year old's, or being too cowardly to admit it. He has a week of lunch detention, but I still have my dignity. FML
by shaggy / 08/30/2009 at 5:26pm / Canada (Ontario) / Love
Today, my boyfriend sent me a text saying to call him. When I did, it went straight to voicemail. It was a recording of him breaking up with me. He broke up with me over the phone, without even talking to me. FML
by Anonymous / 08/11/2009 at 10:05pm / United States (California) / Love
by joedoe / 07/18/2009 at 2:03am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
by dramaqueen / 04/14/2009 at 12:44am / United States (Florida) / Love
Today, I was shaving off my beard for the first time in a very long time. I decided to have a little fun with it, and shaved my beard first into a goatee, then a handle-bar, then, finally, into a Hitler mustache. My electric razor dies. I don't have a normal one or an extra battery. FML
by nomorebeard / 03/25/2009 at 10:13am / United States (North Carolina) / Miscellaneous
Today, my son said, "Mommy, sometimes my pee-pee goes up like a stick." I replied, "Well, honey, that's normal and okay." I then asked when it happens, to which he said, "Well, sometimes when watching Scooby Doo and Shaggy comes out dressed in lady clothes." FML
by ScoobieDoo / 03/20/2009 at 12:15am / United States (Washington) / Kids
Today, my boyfriend and I were at his house having sex. After about 30 minutes, his mom came home and was knocking on the door asking "What are you doing?" Thinking I might have a chance to sneak out, I got dressed real quiet. Then my boyfriend answers, "Zoe. I'm doing Zoe." FML
by Zoe123 / 03/19/2009 at 2:05am / United States (Texas) / Intimacy
- 1Today, my boyfriend presented me with a 30-minute montage video of him working out and flexing his… 2Today, my boyfriend finally told me that he loved me. This would've been fantastic if he didn't say… 3Today, it's been 2 weeks since I ordered a printer so I could print schoolwork, that way I don't…
- Today, I talked to my husband about his lack of interest in sex. Apparently his definition is polar… Today, at a restaurant, I ordered the best chocolate soufflé on the menu, which was called "Double… Today, my boyfriend and I had sex for the first time. I'm extremely uncomfortable with eye contact,…