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hannahisthewin's favorite FMLs
Today, I was accused of shooting drugs at work. I was only feeding a baby bird that was tucked into my arm using a medicine syringe. I've been smuggling it to work because it has to eat every 2 hours or it will starve. Now everyone there thinks I'm a hardcore dope fiend. FML
by Gribby / 06/27/2013 at 7:56pm / United States (Missouri) / Animals
by smh / 06/27/2013 at 7:37pm / United States (New Jersey) / Miscellaneous
by keiran123 / 06/27/2013 at 7:15pm / United States (Louisiana) / Work
by Anonymous / 06/27/2013 at 12:58pm / Finland (Western Finland) / Health
by Anonymous / 06/27/2013 at 8:13am / United Kingdom / Transportation
by the_lonely_life / 06/26/2013 at 9:02pm / United States / Intimacy
Today, I rode my motorcycle to an appointment and parked in the parking garage. When I got out, some ass had pushed my bike from the spot and had boxed it in between the wall and his car. Apparently, he felt he deserved the spot more than me and didn't care if I wanted to leave. FML
by MadMax / 06/26/2013 at 4:49pm / United States (New Hampshire) / Transportation
Today, I foolishly thought that I was alone in the house, and let out a huge fart on the toilet. This went on for a while due to an upset stomach. I later walked into the living room only to find my parents and a few of their friends sitting on the couch, teary-eyed from laughing so much. FML
by vbecka / 06/26/2013 at 1:08pm / Norway (Oslo) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 06/26/2013 at 2:57am / United States (Tennessee) / Miscellaneous
Today, I went out on a date with a girl. Everything was going well until I shared how my family was affected by the 2010 earthquake in Haiti. She immediately got up and left, calling me a liar. Apparently, I'm "too cute" to be of Haitian descent. What the hell? FML
by Kn0wledge123 / 06/26/2013 at 1:27am / United States (Florida) / Love
by Anonymous / 06/25/2013 at 7:26pm / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, I was bored so I began to try to convince my boyfriend that Albert Einstein was actually African-American, and that he painted himself white so he would be accepted as a scientist. Due to his competitive nature, he replied, "I already knew that babe." FML
by anonymous / 06/25/2013 at 2:12am / United States (Minnesota) / Geek
by VictoriaLeavitt / 06/24/2013 at 8:35pm / United States (Nevada) / Kids
Today, my husband finally returned from his 18-month deployment. Sexually starved, we wasted no time getting busy. Later as we finally cooled off, I got a message from my Aunt. She was hiding in our closet the whole time to surprise us with cake for his safe return. FML
by jgtrflynn / 06/24/2013 at 12:37am / United States (Oklahoma) / Intimacy
Today, I was playing a video game that required me to hunt a few animals. My mom walked in, saw what I was doing, then went into her psycho vegan mode and started yelling at me. She basically grounded me for "murdering" pixels on a screen. FML
by welp, time to become an assassin / 06/23/2013 at 2:14pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous
- 1Today, my boyfriend presented me with a 30-minute montage video of him working out and flexing his… 2Today, my boyfriend finally told me that he loved me. This would've been fantastic if he didn't say… 3Today, it's been 2 weeks since I ordered a printer so I could print schoolwork, that way I don't…
- Today, while I was hanging out with a cute girl, I slapped her ass playfully. She told me that she… Today, I realized that sex with my husband has gotten so boring that I'd rather fake an orgasm than… Today, my girlfriend texted one of her male friends, saying she's turned off by the thought of sex…