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hannahisthewin's favorite FMLs
by Gracie-Ann / 07/01/2013 at 2:38am / United States (Oregon) / Love
Today, I was explaining to my son that porn isn't a realistic depiction of sex. Just as I finished explaining to him that threesomes rarely happen in real life, he started crying. I feel like a dream-crushing monster. FML
by sorry, kiddo / 06/30/2013 at 5:44pm / Belgium (Brussels Hoofdstedelijk Gewest) / Kids
by okeythen / 06/30/2013 at 1:03am / United States (Florida) / Love
Today, my husband and I were at the mall, and decided to have a snack at the food court. As we ate, an obese woman squeezed past our table, butt facing us. Just when her ass-cheeks slid past our heads, she let out a horrific fart that my father would be proud of. FML
by whipplewhip / 06/30/2013 at 12:21am / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, I found the purse that some asshat stole from my 15-year-old sister a few days ago. I found it in my now ex-boyfriend's closet. When I confronted him, he broke up with me for "invading" his privacy and kicked me out, without the purse. FML
by Anonymous / 06/29/2013 at 6:52pm / United States (Louisiana) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 06/29/2013 at 11:09am / United States (New York) / Intimacy
Today, my house was broken into. The burglar didn't steal my brand new laptop, iPad or TV. They instead made off with every single item of clothing I own. When I went to turn on my TV to try and distract myself from this, I found all of the cables in back missing. The police don't believe me. FML
by Angry and Confused / 06/29/2013 at 5:55am / United States (Nevada) / Miscellaneous
Today, a girl from my college, who's been following me around for months, finally asked me out. Not being interested, I politely declined. Now she's convinced everyone that we hooked up and that I have an incredibly small penis. FML
by Anonymous / 06/28/2013 at 3:41pm / United States (Illinois) / Love
Today, I went to my parents' house. I recently lost about 30 lbs. My mom hugged me and said, "Aww, you're not my chubby baby girl anymore." She then said she wished I were still fat because she missed it. She's the reason I lost the weight; she used to tease and taunt me. Thanks Mom. FML
by me / 06/28/2013 at 11:51am / United States / Miscellaneous
by confusedandnowsingle / 06/28/2013 at 8:23am / Finland (Southern Finland) / Love
Today, the stalker flatmate who has been obsessed with me since I first moved into the flat two years ago, graduated. Apparently he told everyone we are an item, because his parents and relatives were smiling and taking pictures of me from their seats two rows ahead of mine at the ceremony. FML
by Trillian87 / 06/28/2013 at 6:28am / United Kingdom (Coventry) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was pretending to talk on the phone with my wife just to avoid to speak with my boring coworker. After two awkward minutes of him waiting in front of my desk and me inventing a call, he handed me the disconnected phone cable and left. FML
by LaLince / 06/28/2013 at 4:17am / Switzerland (Aargau) / Work
by unknown relationship / 06/28/2013 at 1:23am / United States (Illinois) / Work
by not cool / 06/28/2013 at 1:16am / Australia (Queensland) / Health
Today, after spending four hours cooking food for a special family dinner, I went to take a shower before they arrived. I came back out less than twenty minutes later to find most of the food gone, and a very guilty-looking puppy. FML
by Auroraen / 06/27/2013 at 9:23pm / United States (Illinois) / Animals
- 1Today, my boyfriend said I didn't give him enough attention because of my busy work life. So… he… 2Today, someone stole my purse and phone while I was giving CPR to someone who had a heart attack on… 3Today, I was making the daily commute to work when suddenly my mother calls me, crying that there's…
- Today, I had hooked up with this girl and had finally lulled her asleep. I didn't want to stay so I… Today, for my boyfriends 21st birthday, I wore sexy lingerie, put on a naughty librarian outfit and… Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex quite aggressively. Towards the end, he lifted his hips…