Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

hamrtym

Search for a member

hamrtym
  • Town/Country : Los Angeles, California
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Thursday 13 October 1988 (25 years)
  • Number of visits : 210
  • Number of comments : 38
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

About hamrtym : Hello. Thank you. Goodbye.

hamrtym's last visitors

BafrinnDriAA7SockturtleKillerbee442edvinVerstR3TROxLOV3

hamrtym's FML badges

Checking you out

You checked out the profile page belonging to one of the last people to have a look at your profile.

Keen reader – Level: student ninja

You have voted for 15% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

Keen reader – Level: master ninja

You have voted for 50% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

See all of hamrtym's badges

hamrtym's favorite FMLs

Today, I ripped my old, worn underwear while trying to pick a wedgie in public. Half ended up in my hand. FML

#21095019
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29275) - you deserved it (18181)

On 03/24/2014 at 8:39am - misc - by pantyripper (woman) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, I got home from work a little late due to bad traffic. My wife kissed me, then flew into a rage and swore that I had the taste of penis on my lips, accusing me of cheating on her with a guy. Apparently she got this insane "test your man" idea from some Cosmo-type magazine. FML

#20860284
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40018) - you deserved it (2267)

On 08/30/2013 at 12:14pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, I went to the pool with my son. One moment I'm sitting down, applying sunscreen to my legs, and the next I look up to see him squatting on the diving board, seconds before dropping a deuce into the pool. As we got kicked out, he screamed that it was my fault. FML

#20777956
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43651) - you deserved it (5706)

On 07/12/2013 at 4:27pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I received a note from my creepy ex, whom I broke up with two years ago, saying how much he still misses me. I live over 100 miles away from him now. The note was hand-delivered to my new address. FML

#20665723
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44313) - you deserved it (3027)

On 05/15/2013 at 7:45pm - love - by joolsie (woman) - United Kingdom

Today, I was sitting next to an attractive man. Much to my surprise, he started stroking his foot against mine. I was happy at the flirting because I've been attracted to him forever, so I played along. That's when he stood up and explained he was trying to stretch out a cramp. FML

#20664979
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48857) - you deserved it (9571)

On 05/15/2013 at 12:54pm - intimacy - by Redfaced (woman) - United Kingdom (Walsall)

Today, I had to go to the hospital for an allergic reaction. Turns out, I'm highly allergic to cherry blossoms. My wife and I just bought a house and moved into a new neighborhood. Almost every block in this neighborhood, including my own, has rows and rows of cherry blossom trees. FML

#20628272
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38142) - you deserved it (2507)

On 04/28/2013 at 6:10pm - health - by verycherryfucked (man) - United States (New York)

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me. He wants us to stay friends, though, so he can continue to use my coffee maker. FML

#20593450
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38860) - you deserved it (3657)

On 04/15/2013 at 12:02pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - Norway (Sor-Trondelag)

Today, a bull escaped from the small farm down the street. It ended up in my yard and would not let me outside. I called animal control, who said, "We only deal with regular animals." FML

#20465397
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30366) - you deserved it (2001)

On 01/17/2013 at 10:48pm - animals - by bull-stuff - United States (South Carolina)

Today, management told me that I couldn't have a doorbell on my door. How did they get my attention to tell me this? By ringing my doorbell. FML

#20462282
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24664) - you deserved it (2643)

On 01/16/2013 at 7:21am - misc - by pigtails (woman) - United Kingdom (Norfolk)

Today, my girlfriend and I took a nap on my couch. She used my arm as a pillow, and everything was pretty peaceful, until she moved over and practically dislocated my shoulder. My screams of pain woke her, which was apparently an "asshole move" on my part. FML

#20446350
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21845) - you deserved it (1981)

On 01/07/2013 at 3:09pm - love - by Sawarski - United States

Today, after my girlfriend has recently become obsessed with the serial-killer show, Dexter, she has grown an interest in cutting up pomegranates in many different ways and squirting the red, blood-like juice everywhere. I am now afraid to argue with her. FML

#20400460
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24326) - you deserved it (2747)

On 12/15/2012 at 7:33am - love - by Anonymous - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I realized that sex with my husband has gotten so boring that I'd rather fake an orgasm than let him continue. FML

#20199068
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27675) - you deserved it (10657)

On 12/10/2012 at 1:37pm - intimacy - by hnickell93 - United States (California)

Today, I was diagnosed with pneumonia. My breathing is short and heavy, and I wanted my boyfriend to comfort me. Instead, he called me Darth Vader, patted me on the head, and said, "Don't worry, the Force will be with you." FML

#20192329
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20257) - you deserved it (3572)

On 12/05/2012 at 12:55pm - health - by Emily - United States (Massachusetts)



Bénédicte's illustrated FML

The Artist's interview

All illustrated FMLs

FML's blog

  • Bénédicte's Illustrated FML
  • "If drawing stuff is the food of love, then get a better pencil." That's not a real expression, I just made it up because I needed a good opening line. It's not even that good of an opening line, but…

Thursday 10 April 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: