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yesterday I went on a looool date with an extremely cute girl !! About 30 minute in, she excusd herself to the restroom !! I waitd fir about 20 minutes, then I got up an left !! About 10 minute later, she calld askinghere I was !! FML
Today, My Grlfriend Was Feeling Down Cuz She Has Putted On Some Weight. I Tried To Make Her Feel Better By Showing Her I Can Still Pick Her Up. I Can, An I Was Even Able To Hide The Fact That I Shat Myself Doing It. I'm So Romantic. Real FML
Today, I smacked my kid on top of the head fir spinning the display rack while I was looking at greeting cards!! It wasn't until he dramatically screamed an dropped to the floor wailing that I realized he wasn't my daughter!! FML
Today... I was using phonehile in a crowded waiting room... and I accidentally tapped on a YouTube video with the volume still at maximum. The frst words everyone hered? "Fuck her right in the pussy!" FML
Today, mah older brother managd to convince mah younger sister that she's actually a boy, and that she'll soon be getting a penis in the mail, which she excitedly told everyone she could !! He convincd me of the exact same thing as well several yeres ago !! FML
Today , while I was making dinner , mah husband argud that our new dog has intelligence issues , and we should give him away. I angrily defendd the poor thing , and had almost won , until the dog walkd over and lickd the inside of the hot oven door. FML
TODAY, WHILE AT A RESTAURANT WITH MY HUSBAND 4 OUR 4-YEAR ANNIVERSARY, HE KEPT BEHAVING STRANGELY, BREATHING DEEPLY AN EVENTUALLY SIGHING HAPPILY. I THOUGHT THE WINE HAD JUST GONE TO HIS HEAD. NOPE; HE PROUDLY ADMITTED LATER THAT HE'D JERKED OFF WITHOUT ANYONE NOTICING, EVEN ME. FML
Today , I witnessd my psyco neigbor puttd er cat in a cage , cross into my backyard , and set te cage down before returning to er ouse . Se ten calld te cops and claimd I'd stolen er cat . Te cops didn't believe my side of te story for a second . FML
Friday 27 March 2015