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Offline (the 10/12/2015 at 4:36am)



  • Town/Country : Not specified
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  • Number of visits : 2625
  • Number of comments : 243
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 1 posted

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goose12321's page activity

Visits<b>dkhae</b> - the 09/22/2016 at 9:50pm<b>weedle99</b> - the 04/17/2016 at 11:09am<b>sullman03</b> - the 01/02/2016 at 11:10am<b>Jarod11191</b> - the 11/27/2015 at 2:27pm<b>brutally</b> - the 10/11/2015 at 11:19pm<b>JokerJ312</b> - the 09/09/2015 at 11:15am<b>lemonadestand</b> - the 09/05/2015 at 11:36am<b>Cookie_Overlord</b> - the 08/22/2015 at 9:53pm<b>CharmeKetsueki</b> - the 07/16/2015 at 1:58pm<b>A7X_all_the_way</b> - the 06/28/2015 at 3:49am<b>DraconicFeline</b> - the 06/27/2015 at 10:50pm<b>Zatert</b> - the 05/17/2015 at 2:51pm<b>Raptor73242</b> - the 03/26/2015 at 5:48am<b>Gwen4var</b> - the 03/02/2015 at 3:09pm<b>nch_12</b> - the 12/16/2014 at 12:14am<b>SirCactus</b> - the 11/27/2014 at 12:25pm<b>victorsaurus01</b> - the 11/09/2014 at 11:07am<b>hedgehogman123</b> - the 09/08/2014 at 1:46pm

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goose12321's favorite FMLs

Today, my sister told me about her upcoming trip to Mexico. I asked her how she was going to do anything without knowing any Spanish. She told me she's "just going to read their lips". FML

by epic174 / 10/07/2014 at 6:15pm / United States / Holidays

Today, I took out my phone and realized I butt dialed my girlfriend and left her a 4 minute voicemail of me farting in an echoing toilet bowl. FML

by wendtinmypants / 05/31/2014 at 11:05am / United States (Nebraska) / Love

Today, I met my boyfriend's parents for the first time over dinner. I had to use the bathroom part way through, and ended up taking the foulest dump of my life. I cracked open a window on my way out, but my boyfriend's dad went in soon after, quickly retching and booming "What the fuck?!" FML

by great 1st impression / 05/25/2014 at 12:09pm / United Kingdom (Derby) / Miscellaneous

Today, I collected my students' final essays. One of them submitted a printout of a screenshot he took with his phone. Too bad a browser address bar was still in the shot, along with a "click to read more" link at the bottom. My students are too dumb and lazy to even plagiarize properly. FML

by What am I doing with my life? / 05/22/2014 at 12:47pm / United States (Colorado) / Work

Today, we had a speaking assessment in Spanish class. When it was my turn, I yawned in the middle of a sentence, said "excuse me" and finished my sentence. She took points off because I hesitated and I spoke in English, not Spanish. FML

by macaroni17 / 04/09/2014 at 10:33pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Miscellaneous

Today, I went to a coffee shop. As I headed over to stand in line, I tripped over my own feet. I got back up, then tripped up yet again. Everyone was staring, and I was so mortified that I went to leave. I then struggled with the door under their glares before realising it opened the other way. FML

by butterbody / 03/23/2014 at 7:02pm / United Kingdom / Miscellaneous

Today, my non-English-speaking grandma bought me a new t-shirt. It would've been sweet if it didn't have the word "bondage" written on the back in pretty, bold letters. I had no choice but to wear it while we went shopping. FML

by Anonymous / 03/23/2014 at 12:59pm / Egypt / Miscellaneous

Today, about 10 minutes into my first jog in months, someone in a car started following me, yelling stuff like "Oh my god, it's Shamu!" and "Run faster, fatty!" I ended up breaking down in tears before he finally sped off, roaring with laughter. FML

by see you next cunt / 03/18/2014 at 3:44pm / United States / Health

Today, I had to appear in court. My boyfriend gave me a chocolate to eat for comfort. The quote on the wrapper read "Today, you are exactly where you should be." FML

by NotInTheRightPlace / 03/17/2014 at 2:18pm / United States (Virginia) / Miscellaneous

Today, my mother took me to go and see my grandfather, who I hadn't seen since I was 4. The first thing he said to me was, "Pfwoarr, look at those tits." FML

by Anonymous / 03/13/2014 at 5:34am / Australia / Intimacy

Today, my students presented their projects on genetics to the rest of the class. One student told the class that salted and unsalted peanuts were an example of genetic variation. She was serious. FML

by Biologyfacepalm / 03/03/2014 at 2:58pm / United States / Work

Today, my roommate pranked me by putting blue food coloring in the shower head. I have class in 20 minutes and look like a smurf. FML

by Anonymous / 03/03/2014 at 11:30am / Miscellaneous

Today, I was shopping for dresses when my fiancé turned into what I can only call a groomzilla. He told me and my maid of honor that we need to lose weight because he's not "paying all this money for a pair of fatties to not look good." FML

by Ms. Piggy / 03/02/2014 at 2:09pm / United States (Tennessee) / Money

Today, frustrated that my boyfriend never gives me any orgasms when we make love, I tried politely hinting that he needs to improve. To start with, I said maybe he should be more spontaneous in bed. He replied, "What, like putting it in your ass? Gotcha." Great. FML

by Anonymous / 02/28/2014 at 4:10pm / Canada (Manitoba) / Intimacy

Today, my mum asked me how the guinea pig was doing. We don't have a guinea pig. Turns out she had volunteered me to look after the next door neighbor's guinea pig when they were away and 'forgot' to tell me. They have been gone two weeks. FML

by HelpMe / 02/25/2014 at 4:59am / United Kingdom (Scottish Borders, The) / Animals