About ghsthnt95 : Shy yet not when I get used to you. And I'm addicted to this app.
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by Eyebrowless / 06/06/2015 at 12:29pm / United States (New Jersey) / Miscellaneous
by zzarzzur / 05/22/2015 at 2:55am / United States (California) / Intimacy
Today, at a big family dinner, my dad said, "Pfff, gays don't have it hard at all. The things a guy has to do for sex with a girl? Crazy. All a gay guy has to do for sex is become an altar boy!" My husband's side of the family is very religious, and all hell quickly broke loose. FML
by killme / 03/07/2015 at 1:42pm / United States (Colorado) / Miscellaneous
by IngenuityAbsent / 02/22/2015 at 8:54am / Canada (Ontario) / Health
Today, while correcting essays, I spilled ketchup on a student's paper. I managed to successfully turn it into a happy smiley face but when proudly looking at the result, noticed it was right next to the big "F" that I had graded it. FML
Today, my date dropped me off at home and briefly met my parents. As he was leaving he whispered into my ear, "I want to feel the inside of your vagina with the outside of my penis." My parents totally heard. FML
by MIB thingy please... / 02/04/2015 at 8:21pm / United States (Oregon) / Intimacy
by whywouldyoudothat / 10/06/2014 at 9:14pm / United States (Arizona) / Love
Today, while in my backyard, I had some insane gastric distress. I let out a fart so powerful that it made me yelp in pain, and left my asshole numb. A second later, I heard a cough come from over my neighbor's fence. I had to quietly limp back into my house in shame. FML
by soundslikeadumbcommentersituation / 07/11/2014 at 4:34pm / Canada (Ontario) / Health
Today, I was using my phone while in a crowded waiting room, and I accidentally tapped on a YouTube video with the volume still at maximum. The first words everyone heard? "Fuck her right in the pussy!" FML
by Anonymous / 06/14/2014 at 5:32pm / United States (Texas) / Geek
Today, some alarm, somewhere in my house, is making a low battery noise. I've checked every smoke detector multiple times, and I can't find it. It has been hours. I'm not sure if its still doing it or if the sound has just invaded my brain. FML
by AndrewKeane / 06/09/2014 at 12:26pm / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 01/24/2014 at 4:02pm / United Kingdom (West Lothian) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 01/10/2014 at 9:25pm / United States / Miscellaneous
by BornToBeABurden / 01/09/2014 at 11:01am / United Kingdom (London, City of) / Love
by gottacatchemall / 01/08/2014 at 12:43am / United States / Intimacy
Today, I went on a date with a guy for the first time. We went to Starbucks and got coffee. We talked for a while, and we were joking and having a good time. Suddenly, he put his hand on my stomach and said, "Soon, this will be plump with my seed." FML
by creepermagnet / 04/06/2009 at 3:39pm / United States (Maryland) / Love
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- Today, after being lost for 3 hours outside with low battery, and finally regaining signal, an old… Today, I just found out that my little brother likes to peak through the crack of the bathroom door… Today I received a phone call for a reservation (I'm a B&B owner) for 12 firefighters (he said they…