gelt

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gelt

0Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 30197
  • Number of comments : 13
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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gelt's page activity

Visits<b>Freeze</b> - the 09/10/2011 at 9:50pm<b>BaBiiSpAnKy821</b> - the 12/05/2009 at 3:04am<b>ivdrscg</b> - the 08/19/2009 at 5:15pm<b>Reena03</b> - the 07/15/2009 at 1:27pm<b>somaturee</b> - the 07/15/2009 at 3:40am<b>lexxiii</b> - the 07/12/2009 at 5:00pm<b>tin_can_000</b> - the 06/30/2009 at 7:54pm<b>MussoMalfunction</b> - the 06/30/2009 at 2:49pm<b>sawdy</b> - the 06/28/2009 at 9:26pm<b>NobodysLover</b> - the 06/27/2009 at 2:52pm<b>Nuts_the_Wiseguy</b> - the 06/26/2009 at 9:56pm<b>nuclear</b> - the 06/23/2009 at 1:28am<b>Jerhel</b> - the 06/17/2009 at 3:43am<b>LeedsFML</b> - the 06/14/2009 at 3:49pm<b>muffy_da_bear</b> - the 06/03/2009 at 10:29am<b>chris_e81</b> - the 06/02/2009 at 7:14pm<b>ilikeboys</b> - the 06/01/2009 at 7:57pm<b>ipwns</b> - the 05/08/2009 at 11:45pm

gelt's FML badges

How depressing, no badges acquired at all. :/

gelt's favorite FMLs

Today, I ignored my cat's incessant meowing, and pushed him away every time he wanted to be petted. The next time I walked downstairs I found him dead. FML

by Anonymous / 09/12/2009 at 5:19pm / United States (District of Columbia) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was having sex with my husband. As I was undressing, he said, "Arr, I spy me some booty!" I let it go, I'm used to his embarassing pirate talk. But as he orgasmed, he screamed, "I'VE FOUND THE BURIED TREASURE!" My neighbors heard in the apartment next door and called to let me know. FML

by piratequeen / 08/07/2009 at 1:39pm / United States (Mississippi) / Intimacy

Today, I was at my girlfriend's house. It was just me and her. Things began to get heated, and we started doing it on the living room couch. Near the end of it I decided to whisper in her ear, "Who's your daddy?" I hear behind me, "I am." FML

by unbelievable208 / 08/05/2009 at 1:28am / United States (Michigan) / Intimacy

Today, my 250 lb ex-Marine dad announced he was going to start randomly punching me in the crotch, without warning, to "improve my reflexes." FML

by theregoesmyspermcount / 08/02/2009 at 6:45pm / United States (Texas) / Health

Today, my boyfriend told me that we would be living out one of his fantasies. When I showed up, ready to go, he began playing the theme song to Star Trek and asked me to call him Mr. Spock. FML

by saynotochrispine / 07/28/2009 at 12:15am / United States (Georgia) / Geek

Today, I went to the water park, and got in a line on a staircase to get on a waterslide. A couple minutes in, I feel a large amount of warm liquid drip on my head. Seconds later, a crying girl was being lead down the stairs being told that 'everyone wets themselves sometimes'. FML

by Anonymous / 07/12/2009 at 12:08am / United States (Virginia) / Miscellaneous

Today, my suburban, white boyfriend of two years told me he wanted to tell me something serious. He sat me down, looked me in the eye and said "I want to be gangster." I started laughing thinking he was joking. He was 100% serious. FML

by hatboxghost / 07/09/2009 at 1:17am / United States / Love

Today, my boyfriend picked me up to come spend the night at his house, and on the way he started pulling over to get some condoms. I told him no need, I was on my period. He turned the car around and took me home. FML

by onething / 07/08/2009 at 1:06pm / United States (Virginia) / Intimacy

Today, I was teaching swimming. A small boy said his stomach hurt, so I placed him on my back and carried him to the main building where he could lay down. He then jumped off my back and ran back towards the beach because 'he felt better'. I had explosive diarrhea all over my back. FML

by unluckycounsellor / 06/30/2009 at 7:26pm / Bermuda (Hamilton) / Kids

Today, I decided to use fake tan, seeing as I am so pale. Everywhere I have been today, I have had children behind me. Singing the Oompa Loompa song. FML

by OompaLoompa / 06/18/2009 at 9:32am / United Kingdom / Miscellaneous

Today, I was taken a taxi home after drinking too much. I started to feel sick and, not wanting to be charged the cab cleaning fee, threw up into my handbag instead. When we got to my place I then had to fish through that bag for my wallet to pay the driver. FML

by Unimpressed / 06/03/2009 at 6:40am / Australia (Australian Capital Territory) / Transportation

Today, my dog started to hump my leg. He always does this and I heard that humping the dog back asserted dominance. Well, I decided to, and I dry humped him back. As I was doing this I said "How do you like that!" And then my mom walked in. FML

by sucks / 05/17/2009 at 7:40pm / United States (Georgia) / Animals

Today, while working at a pizza shop near a college campus, I got an order to deliver to the dorms. Extremely busy at work and annoyed that someone wouldn't take 3 minutes to walk over, I spat on the pizza. When I arrived to the dorm, a woman in a wheelchair opened the door. FML

by pizzagurl / 05/09/2009 at 12:43am / United States (Georgia) / Work

Today, while working as a makeup artist in the mall, I was approached by a man who wanted to try lipstick (not unusual we do a lot of drag). While I'm applying it he starts to make gross noises and after a quick glance I realize he has a massive erection. He then whispers mmmm don't stop now. FML

by Anonymous / 05/08/2009 at 10:53am / Canada (Ontario) / Intimacy

Today, I met my paternal grandfather for the first time. I’ve spent the last three months tracking him down. I poured my heart out and told about how much this meant to me. He told me I had a nice rack and asked for a cigarette. FML

by cgold / 04/29/2009 at 10:11pm / United States (California) / Love