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galactictoast13's favorite FMLs
by thebeachisthatway / 10/22/2012 at 2:56pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Kids
by stop it ninja / 10/14/2012 at 3:00am / United States (Virginia) / Animals
by wdunn69733 / 10/11/2012 at 10:30am / United States (Georgia) / Kids
by Missusluv313 / 09/17/2012 at 7:25am / United States (Indiana) / Health
Today, my five-year-old daughter asked me why moms don't swallow clothes, so that their babies won't be born naked. My husband burst into derisive laughter, and has now trained her into responding to the name "Derp-Derp." FML
by -___- / 09/14/2012 at 7:06pm / Sweden (Stockholms Lan) / Kids
Today, I had my girlfriend over to meet my parents. After dinner, we were in the living room talking. My dad thought it would be funny to grab our cat, stick it down his shirt, then pretend to give birth to it, with sound effects. FML
by Sprtsgeek13 / 09/13/2012 at 8:37am / United States (Maine) / Miscellaneous
Today, a creepy girl from my class wouldn't stop texting me and trying to call me. In order to get her to stop, I texted back saying that I was at my mom's house for a family dinner. She replied, "No you're not. I can see you right now." FML
by Anonymous / 09/12/2012 at 5:06pm / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, I was trying to pass a lady with a stroller, when she nearly fell. I used my ninja-like reflexes to catch her. Too bad my ninja-like reflexes didn't block the punch that she delivered to my fap-stick for apparently being a "pervert" for saving her. FML
by CaptainSaveAHoe / 09/10/2012 at 8:42pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, I received a call from my future sister in-law, telling me that she and her future husband had decided to hold their wedding ceremony on my birthday. I was told not to celebrate my birthday, as it would "take away the attention to the true meaning of the day." FML
by SuzyTurquoiseBlu / 08/29/2012 at 1:32am / Australia (New South Wales) / Love
by Anonymous / 08/22/2012 at 2:01am / Australia (Victoria) / Miscellaneous
Today, my father tried to secretly follow me all day, because he doesn't believe that I have any "real" errands to run or friends to meet with. He's actually convinced that I'm living some secret double life with another family. FML
by Bree / 08/15/2012 at 11:15am / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, I was digging in my lawn, trying to ignore the suspicious glances coming from my nosy fuckball of a neighbor. When he asked what I was doing, I replied with dripping sarcasm, that I was digging up the schoolkids I killed last year. Fifteen minutes later, the cops he called arrived. FML
by diggingaplotforone / 08/11/2012 at 7:47pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 08/09/2012 at 10:26am / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, I told my boyfriend that I didn't want to go out with him because I was having a fat day. After ten minutes of fighting, he threw a ring box on the floor and stormed out. I basically refused his proposal because of my body issues. FML
Today, I was cashiering at Walmart, when a customer picked open a cold-sore on her lip before trying to give me her money with the same hand. When I freaked out and refused to take her money, she started screaming and threatening to sue me for "violating the First Amendment." FML
by artdegreemyass / 07/21/2012 at 5:14pm / United States (Florida) / Work
- 1Today, I've stopped smoking, lost 30 pounds, taken several painful tests, and checked my ovulation… 2Today, I was fired for being late to work, even though the only reason I was late was because I had… 3Today, I saw an elderly lady fall over in the street. Nobody bothered to do anything, so I went…