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funturtle23's favorite FMLs
by Anonymous / 01/20/2014 at 3:23pm / United States (Kansas) / Health
Today, I was at my girlfriend's house, and she was tickling me. It got a bit rough, and she fell out of bed and hit the floor. Her parents, thinking we'd been fighting, burst into the room to see her holding her bloody nose. She didn't say anything while her dad kicked my ass. FML
by innocent / 01/06/2014 at 4:32pm / Australia / Miscellaneous
Today, like every other day for many years, I have a phobia of bananas. This evening, the phobia came to a head when I had a nightmare in which I was stabbed to death by a gang of walking bananas. FML
by Elisa_LmR / 01/03/2014 at 6:28pm / France / Miscellaneous
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- Today, I slept with my deputy manager. He slept with my insane jealous housemate months ago. I need… Today, I had hooked up with this girl and had finally lulled her asleep. I didn't want to stay so I… Today, I gave my boyfriend a blowjob for the first time. He came. A lot. I doubt I'll remember it…