About fueledbyhate : If you tied buttered toast to the back of a cat and dropped it from a hight, what would happen?
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fueledbyhate's favorite FMLs
Today, I was giving my boyfriend a blowjob, which I don't normally do because I have a fear of getting hit in the eye. Afterwards, I went to suck a lemon to get the taste out of my mouth. Sure enough, I bit the wrong spot and had lemon juice shoot right into my eye. FML
by svet / 02/21/2009 at 9:07pm / United States (New York) / Intimacy
Today, I wanted to seduce my boyfriend so I put on my sexiest lingerie and started playing mood music. As he was eating dinner, I climbed up on the table and started seductively crawling across to him. The table collapsed under my weight. FML
by Noname / 02/15/2009 at 6:15pm / United States (Rhode Island) / Love
by chichi / 02/07/2009 at 3:09pm / United States (Florida) / Transportation
Today, I tried to suck my own penis. Autofellatio. My mother walked in on me and I flipped backwards off the bed. ER and 10 stiches above my eyebrow later, I asked her not to ever bring it up again. FML
by Boredom / 01/26/2009 at 4:09pm / United States / Intimacy
Today, was just like almost every for the past few months; I slept till 1pm, smoked cigarettes, jerked off, went to the store to get coffee, smoked more cigarettes, and sat in my room alone until 4am, jerking off and smoking cigarettes. FML
by none / 01/17/2009 at 6:35pm / United States (New Jersey) / Miscellaneous
Today, I came home from work. I crept up to the bedroom to gently wake up my girlfriend. I touch her shoulder and slowly leant in to give her a tender kiss. She suddenly wakes up and grabs me by the throat... I keep forgetting she's in the army. FML
by USSEYL / 11/25/2008 at 11:43pm / United Kingdom (Oxfordshire) / Intimacy
- Today, my 15-year-old daughter's pregnancy test came back positive. I wanted to know who the father… Today, I tried to prove to my dad that he snores by secretly putting a tape recorder under his bed.… Today, I received a friend request on Facebook from my biological father, who I have never met in…