About freesitter : 22, love zombies, chardonnay, Netflix, and my fiance.
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freesitter's favorite FMLs
Today, my phone went off, reminding me to take my birth control. Instead of vibrating as per usual, it rang. The ringtone had been changed to my boyfriend singing "It's birth control time, birth control time, take your pill, or I'll say it ain't mine." I was sitting in a quiet waiting room. FML
by turning red / 07/26/2013 at 9:14pm / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, my boyfriend and I had sex for the first time. Instead of moaning like any normal person, he just kept saying stuff like "uh-huh," "not too bad," and "yup" in a complete monotone. It was probably the most uncomfortable experience of my life. FML
by awkward / 07/26/2013 at 2:00pm / United States (California) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 07/05/2013 at 10:26am / United States (Illinois) / Intimacy
Today, I summoned the courage to call my abusive mother-in-law about her non-payment of the money I stupidly lent her last year. She replied, "Why don't you go deepthroat a cactus, then we'll talk about it, cunt." and then hung up on me. FML
by a tad whipped / 04/28/2013 at 4:44pm / Australia / Money
by Anonymous / 02/12/2013 at 6:01pm / United States / Health
by mrricecakes / 03/23/2012 at 1:55am / United States (Arizona) / Intimacy
by daddy-o / 03/14/2012 at 3:51am / United States (Utah) / Miscellaneous
by Sharibabi65 / 03/07/2012 at 1:16am / United States / Intimacy
Today, I introduced my boyfriend of two weeks to my parents. My dad asked me to leave the room so they could have some "guy talk". I eavesdropped, only to hear the words "sex-crazed fuck" and a threat to stick bamboo shoots under my boyfriend's fingernails if he ever hurt me. FML
by soontobedumped / 01/15/2012 at 2:26pm / United States (Michigan) / Love
by Henry / 11/11/2011 at 5:29pm / Norway (Hordaland) / Intimacy
Today, my mom and I heard a thump from inside the coat closet. I opened the door, and something fell on me. My mom, who was behind me, screamed, closed the laundry room door, and ran into the garage, leaving me to face the alleged attacker. It was the vacuum. FML
by Anonymous / 09/24/2011 at 12:15pm / United States (Arizona) / Miscellaneous
by socks / 09/21/2011 at 3:01am / United States / Animals
Today, my girlfriend, who is very self conscious about her body, finally decided to have sex with me. She told me to wait a few minutes, so I did. I stripped and turned around to find her in a one-piece swimsuit, with a hole cut out of the crotch. FML
by Anonymous / 07/13/2011 at 1:02am / United States (Texas) / Intimacy
by single / 07/01/2011 at 5:12am / China (Guangdong) / Love
by Anonymous / 06/01/2011 at 2:06pm / United States (California) / Intimacy
- 1Today, my neighbor's 4-year-old daughter came up to me and asked if she could have my dog. When I… 2Today, after working for Uber for a few weeks I realized that my driver rating was dropping. After… 3Today, I received a phone call, angry at me for not calling my dad on Father's Day. When I told her…