fooltemptress

Search for a member

Offline (the 11/17/2016 at 12:36am)

fooltemptress

28Fucked!

fooltemptressfooltemptress
  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 18427
  • Number of comments : 117
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 31 posted

About fooltemptress : Jack of all trades; master of none, with a penchant for writing and all things snark.

I like to fuck! No, seriously, if you visit my profile, I'll visit yours and give you a fuck. Does that make me a whore?

Insert whatever other witty banter you'd like to see here.

fooltemptress's page activity

Visits<b>michaelm1290</b> - the 11/16/2016 at 5:11pm<b>ruudseriesx</b> - the 08/18/2016 at 3:46am<b>armedenglish96</b> - the 08/16/2016 at 4:27am<b>KeatonHanson</b> - the 08/15/2016 at 6:18pm<b>TheTshirt</b> - the 08/15/2016 at 1:53pm<b>USMC10Rex12451</b> - the 08/15/2016 at 6:35am<b>leslieshrader</b> - the 08/14/2016 at 8:54pm<b>weirdncrazy</b> - the 08/14/2016 at 8:11am<b>CowTippingDwarfs</b> - the 05/06/2016 at 4:07am<b>lunar999</b> - the 02/25/2016 at 3:38am<b>beastiness</b> - the 01/06/2016 at 9:20am<b>Enslaved</b> - the 01/06/2016 at 12:31am<b>smoothies14</b> - the 01/06/2016 at 12:29am<b>tiger820</b> - the 01/05/2016 at 9:15pm<b>0mysteriousman0</b> - the 01/05/2016 at 7:42pm<b>Boxer3421</b> - the 12/19/2015 at 5:19pm<b>inowhtthefoxsays</b> - the 08/30/2015 at 5:53pm<b>shmoooopie</b> - the 08/05/2015 at 2:22am

Fucked!<b>ruudseriesx</b> - the 08/18/2016 at 9:46am<b>TheTshirt</b> - the 05/18/2016 at 6:31am<b>tiger820</b> - the 01/06/2016 at 3:15am<b>0mysteriousman0</b> - the 01/06/2016 at 1:43am<b>people_really</b> - the 07/09/2015 at 5:00am<b>Cautocracy</b> - the 05/30/2015 at 4:23am<b>khoov19</b> - the 03/15/2015 at 7:42am<b>Wizardo</b> - the 03/11/2015 at 4:21pm<b>cooper3991</b> - the 03/08/2015 at 11:22pm<b>Laxinitup</b> - the 02/25/2015 at 8:14am<b>morondon000</b> - the 01/11/2015 at 6:13pm<b>anonymous1604</b> - the 01/01/2015 at 2:31am<b>DolphinLaser23</b> - the 12/29/2014 at 6:41pm<b>emmatheamazingx</b> - the 12/28/2014 at 4:36am<b>salyhahaha</b> - the 12/27/2014 at 6:23pm<b>EMOHATE</b> - the 12/26/2014 at 3:45am<b>bigjake</b> - the 12/17/2014 at 5:55am<b>907frostygirl</b> - the 12/13/2014 at 7:58pm

fooltemptress's FML badges

Inception

You read an FML that mentions a badge, and in return you've been awarded a badge. A badge inside a badge.

Santa Claus

You've looked for Santa absolutely everywhere, and you managed to find him. Well done!

The Mixer

You like to live life randomly, and we salute you.

See all of fooltemptress's badges

fooltemptress's favorite FMLs

Today, I found out what happens when you sleep with a girl your chemistry major friend likes. He put silver nitrate in my body wash and shampoo. I look like I survived an explosion in a Sharpie factory. He says it'll come off "in a few days". FML

by dude i am so sorry / 09/19/2016 at 3:54pm / United States (Virginia) / Love

Today, a cute guy complimented me on my legs. I, being the awkward person that I am, panicked and replied, "Thanks, I grew them myself." FML

by Randomspaghetti / 09/15/2016 at 5:11pm / United States (Utah) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was babysitting two brothers, 3 and 5. As I was getting the youngest ready to go outside, the older boy, threw open the door, shucked his clothing, and ran off into the woods. I had to carry the 3-year-old as I ran my asthmatic ass after him. FML

by K_nightlight / 09/14/2016 at 8:20pm / United States (Wisconsin) / Kids

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, my younger brother complained yet again of soreness in his wrist. Frustrated with his constant whining, my mother turned to him and snapped, 'Well, what have you been using it for all this time then!?' The awkward silence of realisation for them both won't go away anytime soon. FML

by Torbey / 09/13/2016 at 11:49pm / Australia (South Australia) / Intimacy

Today, someone spilled ammonium hydroxide in ethanol solution in the lab, which smells like very concentrated urine. Since the experiment involved Bunsen burners, we couldn't turn on the fans. We had to work in a lab that smelled like Satan's piss for 2 hours. FML

by r1has / 09/12/2016 at 4:21am / Pakistan (Punjab) / Miscellaneous

Today, my dog brought me his squeaky toy to throw for him. I went to throw it down the hallway but it hit the door and bounced about a foot in front of him. He just stared at me for a minute like I was dumb, then took it to my boyfriend to throw. I disappoint even my dog. FML

by nattnatt73 / 09/10/2016 at 3:07am / United States (North Carolina) / Animals

Today, my babysitter told me to find a replacement, so I tried to bribe her into staying by offering her a raise. She told me that the money would be better spent on an exorcist. FML

by MumMatters / 09/09/2016 at 6:26am / Germany (Hamburg) / Kids

Today, I got a call from my panicking grandmother. I asked her what was going on, and she explained that, “Godzilla doesn’t work.” Not really understanding, I asked her to clarify. “Yes, you know, Godzilla, to use the internet.” FML

by Grandzilla / 09/09/2016 at 12:10am / France (Champagne-Ardenne) / Geek

Today, at work, I needed to fart and thought it would be fast and silent, so I let it rip. I was wrong. Everyone turned around and looked at me as my fart rolled on for a good 10 seconds. The worst part, I screamed, "It wasn't me!" while I was still farting. FML

by Loud / 09/08/2016 at 2:07am / Australia / Work

Today, it was the first day of school, and I split my pants. In a full class. While on a stage. I'm the teacher, and I wasn't wearing underwear. FML

by full moon / 09/07/2016 at 10:37pm / Canada (Ontario) / Work

Today, my boyfriend's dick got stuck in the wrong hole. And by wrong hole I mean the pool filter. FML

by AnxiousCucumber / 09/07/2016 at 4:41pm / United States (California) / Intimacy

Today, I accidentally sent my boss an explicit text message. She replied saying, "Very detailed, if only you put that much effort into your work". FML

by whoops / 09/02/2016 at 10:49am / United Kingdom (Nottingham) / Work

Today, I asked out this girl at work who I've had a crush on for a while. She looked oddly familiar, aside from the fact that we worked together. It was almost like we'd met outside of work. Two hours and one Snapchat story later, I realized I'd asked out my best friend's girlfriend. FML

by okaythen / 08/14/2016 at 3:21pm / United States (Texas) / Love

Today, it was my first day at my new job as a receptionist at a small doctor's office. When the doctor's wife called and asked if he'd stepped out, I forgot the word "Doctor" and instead replaced it with, "medicine man". FML

by professionalmedicineman / 08/11/2016 at 3:25pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Work

Today, I did a California stop during a drive with my Driver's Ed teacher. He made me get out, hug the stop sign and apologize to it. FML

by Anonymous / 07/08/2016 at 9:13pm / Transportation