foodlord

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foodlord

1Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Monday 30 January 1995 (21 years old)
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 1403
  • Number of comments : 81
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 11 posted

About foodlord : Hi. I'm Alana.

foodlord's page activity

Visits<b>Tomato_Cheese</b> - the 07/26/2016 at 2:33am<b>TheTshirt</b> - the 05/03/2016 at 12:23pm<b>BananEnigma</b> - the 04/24/2016 at 2:46pm<b>shabadabba</b> - the 04/07/2016 at 12:54pm<b>StarOfDoom</b> - the 03/03/2016 at 4:37pm<b>dandee_one</b> - the 12/25/2015 at 9:13am<b>Tymaster5</b> - the 12/24/2015 at 4:11pm<b>Kitten_love</b> - the 11/09/2015 at 9:03pm<b>Val0</b> - the 10/21/2015 at 11:24am<b>Leo619</b> - the 08/08/2015 at 5:43pm<b>lemonadestand</b> - the 07/19/2015 at 3:53am<b>Sexomancer</b> - the 05/10/2015 at 6:02pm<b>Flippier999</b> - the 05/06/2015 at 12:11am<b>sharpie2434</b> - the 05/01/2015 at 6:08pm<b>ZelmaSlayer</b> - the 04/27/2015 at 7:10pm<b>itsbatmanbitch</b> - the 04/24/2015 at 1:52pm<b>pugpuggy</b> - the 04/04/2015 at 7:06am<b>Theater_Chef_3</b> - the 02/24/2015 at 1:00am

Fucked!<b>TheTshirt</b> - the 05/03/2016 at 6:22pm

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foodlord's favorite FMLs

Today, I got mauled by some wild animals and had to get my butt cheek stitched up. The embarrassment doesn't end there though; the animals in question were kittens. The nurses on duty laughed and the entire ward found out. FML

by richardmrcs / 07/08/2013 at 4:00pm / United Kingdom (Bradford) / Animals

Today, I realized why it's not a good idea to sleep with your boyfriend when he still lives with his mom. She may walk in, make you get dressed, and demand what you have to say for yourself. Trust me, "Your son is good at sex" is not the right answer. FML

by shelby124 / 08/15/2012 at 12:31pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Intimacy

Today, I went out to dinner with my boyfriend and his mom. The hostess asked if I needed "the kid's menu," remarked how I look "so grown up for your age," and asked what grade I was in. I said I'm in university. She laughed as if it was the best joke ever told. I'm 22. FML

by ugh / 08/14/2012 at 12:52pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, my boss grabbed my arm, raised it above my head, closed my other hand into a fist, and pushed it into his armpit. After staring at me for several seconds, he winked and left without saying a word. This isn't the weirdest thing he's done, and I'm actually starting to fear for my safety. FML

by thinkimquitting / 06/25/2012 at 5:49pm / Australia (Victoria) / Work

Today, when I told my family I was a vegetarian, I expected them to make fun of me because that's just my family. But what I wasn't expecting was my dad to use raw meat as a puppet and make it say, "Eat me! Eat me!" then throw it at my face. FML

by Anonymous / 06/21/2012 at 10:52am / United States (Massachusetts) / Miscellaneous

Today, my parents decided on my punishment for failing an English test. No deodorant for a week. They think they're so hilarious, they told all their friends and now it's all over Facebook. FML

by sockmonkey / 04/30/2012 at 10:21pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, my mother caught me masturbating. Trying to defuse the awkward tension, I said "Oh, I was just thinking about you!" Not a good idea. FML

by Fraser / 03/08/2012 at 2:03pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Intimacy

Today, I was in class and felt something tugging on my hair. I thought it was caught on the chair, so I turned around a little to look. The guy behind me was holding my hair and smelling it. He gave me a creepy smile, winked, and continued. FML

by littlekellilee / 03/08/2012 at 11:23am / Canada (Alberta) / Miscellaneous

Today, my mom gave me my boyfriend's boxers that she'd washed after finding them in my camping bag. The boxers had "Big Banana" written all over them, along with pictures of bananas. FML

by LinaLinaYeah / 12/09/2011 at 11:26am / Canada / Love

Today, I bought weed for the first time. The dealer was an undercover cop. FML

by honeybadger123 / 11/13/2011 at 8:11pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Miscellaneous

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, my daughter asked me how to spell "Orange". "O-R-A-N-G-E" I replied. Without missing a beat, she says "No, I mean the colour, not the fruit." She is 16. FML

by weswithaute / 11/13/2011 at 1:53am / Australia (New South Wales) / Kids

Today, I stepped in a pile of dog shit. While trying to get it off by wiping my foot on the grass, I stepped in another pile. FML

by Anonymous / 11/10/2011 at 12:07pm / Ireland (Cork) / Animals

Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex. My mum walked in and told him to pull out and show her that he was wearing a condom, and not just saying he was. FML

by Anonymous / 11/09/2011 at 7:55am / Australia (New South Wales) / Intimacy

Today, my elderly neighbor called the police because my cat was in her yard. I now have a citation and a court date. Apparently, there is a leash law for cats in my town, and it is taken very seriously. FML

by Fought The Law / 10/29/2011 at 12:51am / United States (Georgia) / Animals

Today, I was on a drive with my uncle. We saw a dead deer on the side of the road and expressed our pity for it. Then a squirrel runs across the road and my uncle swerves toward the squirrel, laughing hysterically and yelling, "Run rodent run." FML

by Anonymous / 10/12/2011 at 1:14am / United States (Virginia) / Animals