Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

fmlgiraffe

Search for a member

fmlgiraffe
  • Town/Country : London, England
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Sunday 1 January 1984 (30 years)
  • Number of visits : 88
  • Number of comments : 29
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

About fmlgiraffe : Hey
I'm a FML phone app user.
I always check before bed. Not one for commenting much, but I do read all your comments & profiles etc.
:)

fmlgiraffe's last visitors

ambiversionolpallyLeeBcosmicriverJeeper4LifeanfscdBeastOfJupitercarrieislostadybboredSOLDIER

fmlgiraffe's FML badges

Perfectionist

Editing your comments can help you avoid embarrassment, and it might make you seem smarter.

Checking you out

You checked out the profile page belonging to one of the last people to have a look at your profile.

An insomniac or a creature of the dark

You commented on an FML between 1 and 3 am.

See all of fmlgiraffe's badges

fmlgiraffe's favorite FMLs

Today, my house was robbed. My two 70-pound German Shepherds obeyed me when I told them to attack. They also obeyed the robber when he said, "Sit". FML

#21113538
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39951) - you deserved it (3504)

On 04/15/2014 at 8:08am - animals - by stupiddog (man) - United States (California)

Today, my drunken self became a vaguely racist poet. I am now the author of a four-page poem entitled "Chocolate Men". FML

#21094789
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28778) - you deserved it (15259)

On 03/23/2014 at 11:40pm - misc - by chocochoco - United States (New York)

Today, I told my husband to give our dog a bath while I was at work. When I returned home, I found my dog, along with my husband, in the bath together. FML

#21074688
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38311) - you deserved it (8501)

On 03/01/2014 at 3:23am - animals - by lacy - United States (Kentucky)

Today, I realized that my dog has more work experience than I do. He's a retired military working dog, and I have a Master's degree. FML

#21042693
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37680) - you deserved it (4592)

On 01/28/2014 at 3:22am - animals - by Pooper scooper - Guam

Today, I used my vaporiser to make my house smell like lavender while I went to work. My brother thought it would be funny to pee inside it. My whole house now smells like pissy lavender. FML

#20993906
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35303) - you deserved it (2888)

On 12/15/2013 at 9:04pm - kids - by lavenderpiss (man) - Australia (South Australia)

Today, I moved into a new house, I couldn't help but notice a car alarm going off, so I investigated my neighbors. Turns out it's their bird. It imitates chainsaws, car alarms, and much more. FML

#20908147
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40514) - you deserved it (2846)

On 10/05/2013 at 9:51am - animals - by Mike Messenger - United States (Florida)

Today, at a science-fiction convention, a woman came up to me and told me that my white face paint was a mess, my contacts looked cheap, and my costume was an all-round failure. I wasn't wearing a costume, I'm an albino. FML

#20551525
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38891) - you deserved it (1934)

On 03/19/2013 at 10:16pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I found out that the tinsel on my Christmas tree is worth a couple of hundred euros per strand. Well, that's how much the two that were surgically removed from my cat have cost me. At least the cat's going to be fine. FML

#20410843
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16174) - you deserved it (11893)

On 12/21/2012 at 5:02am - animals - by I Like My Cat (woman) - Netherlands (Utrecht)

Today, I work on a cruise ship, and I just learned that we have a morgue on board. How did I learn that? It's right next to the crew laundry room, and I opened the wrong door. It was occupied. FML

#20147788
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17322) - you deserved it (1392)

On 11/04/2012 at 7:02pm - work - by CircusSea (man) - Puerto Rico

Today, a cute girl sitting next to me asked if she could use my phone. As I handed it to her, I attempted to use the expression "knock yourself out," but for a reason I can still not fathom, it came out as "kill yourself." FML

#20120541
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19499) - you deserved it (4649)

On 10/17/2012 at 12:45am - misc - by Holy Testacles (man) - United States

Today, I hurt my jaw after I got hit by a car. While receiving medical attention, the paramedic accidentally punched me in the face. FML

#13233409
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26069) - you deserved it (2232)

On 09/28/2010 at 7:37am - health - by Anonymous (man) - Netherlands (Gelderland)

Today, I took Ambien for the first time. Not only did I not fall asleep, but I took my mother through a list of all the men I've slept with. I do not remember a thing, but apparently I was very thorough. FML

#8130787
175 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19738) - you deserved it (5185)

On 02/11/2010 at 1:42pm - misc - by tammyg - United States

Today, I was told by 'Seventeen' to add liquid highlighter to my foundation for an all-over glow. Little did I know that liquid highlighter is an actual makeup product. I now have an awful rash due to applying the ink from a highlighter pen. FML

#6955134
240 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7269) - you deserved it (80996)

On 12/26/2009 at 11:18am - health - by rtrim29 (woman) - United States (Florida)



Bénédicte's illustrated FML

The Artist's interview

All illustrated FMLs

FML's blog

  • Bénédicte's Illustrated FML
  • "If drawing stuff is the food of love, then get a better pencil." That's not a real expression, I just made it up because I needed a good opening line. It's not even that good of an opening line, but…

Thursday 10 April 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: