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Offline (the 11/20/2016 at 8:25am)



  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Thursday 30 May 1991 (25 years old)
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 3687
  • Number of comments : 69
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 5 posted

About fml0505 : I'm just an ordinary towel, in a lot of ways. I was a colorful, soft, and gentle soul. Full of purpose, and eager to help. Always there to wrap around your shoulders and make everything seem alright. I waited and waited for these moments, and you'd always come back. I didn't mind waiting, if it was for you. I never felt like I was alone.

Until the day you stopped coming.

Left out to dry, I drifted into the darkness and slowly withered away. My minds eye had nowhere to look but inward, and there it stayed. Never blinking, never faltering; always peering down on me, demanding that I look back, demanding that I see who I really am.

I was always alone... I'm just a towel.

fml0505's page activity

Visits<b>im_a_squid</b> - the 10/17/2016 at 10:17am<b>betweenwinds</b> - the 05/08/2016 at 12:27am<b>ireply_wlyrics</b> - the 05/05/2016 at 5:46pm<b>hollenbackam</b> - the 04/23/2016 at 11:17pm<b>onlychildFTW</b> - the 04/23/2016 at 2:20pm<b>ScratchCatPower</b> - the 04/23/2016 at 1:21pm<b>Tripartita</b> - the 04/23/2016 at 3:35am<b>anngrace2005</b> - the 02/20/2016 at 1:44pm<b>panromantic</b> - the 02/14/2016 at 9:48pm<b>coyotefox</b> - the 02/14/2016 at 10:32am<b>am1717</b> - the 02/14/2016 at 10:02am<b>michaelm1290</b> - the 02/01/2016 at 9:19am<b>NonScaryPumkin</b> - the 12/10/2015 at 10:53pm<b>ms1114</b> - the 12/04/2015 at 4:36pm<b>Cyrus00</b> - the 12/03/2015 at 11:44pm<b>Kami123</b> - the 12/03/2015 at 4:22pm<b>madi113</b> - the 12/03/2015 at 2:47pm<b>ehandiedroll</b> - the 12/03/2015 at 1:56pm

Fucked!<b>im_a_squid</b> - the 07/10/2016 at 4:25am<b>UndeadCity9</b> - the 09/18/2015 at 9:40pm<b>dusthar</b> - the 05/30/2015 at 4:08am<b>blue15564</b> - the 04/20/2015 at 3:31am<b>Kristy110</b> - the 04/19/2015 at 6:40am<b>TheTshirt</b> - the 04/18/2015 at 4:12pm<b>TheBelt</b> - the 04/18/2015 at 3:29am<b>DarksideDoll</b> - the 04/16/2015 at 8:44pm<b>Chickenlips21</b> - the 04/15/2015 at 6:25pm<b>redbootsarecool</b> - the 04/15/2015 at 5:11pm<b>coyotefox</b> - the 04/15/2015 at 1:06pm<b>justmenooneelse</b> - the 04/15/2015 at 7:59am<b>fbcclaire</b> - the 04/15/2015 at 7:19am<b>sarcasm_insanity</b> - the 04/15/2015 at 5:51am<b>fvck_my_life_7</b> - the 04/14/2015 at 11:18pm<b>ChoolyBooly</b> - the 04/14/2015 at 8:41pm<b>DamnBailie</b> - the 04/14/2015 at 8:17pm<b>vikky538</b> - the 04/14/2015 at 7:50pm

fml0505's FML badges

I like your style

You've liked someone. How cute!


You are connected to FML via the mobile site or an app. How modern.


You’ve now voted that they totally deserved it more than 100 times.

See all of fml0505's badges

fml0505's favorite FMLs

Today, I went to meet my girlfriends parents for the first time. I accidentally drove past their house the first time, but saw the whole family outside waiting to meet me. I pulled a U-Turn and heard a thud. The whole family watched me run over their dog. FML

by Rhyno / 05/05/2009 at 11:37am / United States (New York) / Animals

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I took the bus to work. A sweet old lady got on after and sat next to me. Halfway there, she fell asleep, her head on my shoulder. I gently tried to wake her up before my stop. She wasn't sleeping. I let a dead woman lie on me for 30 minutes. FML

by meteorbabe0101 / 04/13/2009 at 10:11pm / United States (Michigan) / Health

Today, for the first time ever, a woman saw my penis. I am 30 years old. The woman was my doctor. She snorted to cover a laugh and apologized. FML

by Anonymous / 04/10/2009 at 5:40pm / United States (Virginia) / Health

Today, I went on a date with a guy for the first time. We went to Starbucks and got coffee. We talked for a while, and we were joking and having a good time. Suddenly, he put his hand on my stomach and said, "Soon, this will be plump with my seed." FML

by creepermagnet / 04/06/2009 at 3:39pm / United States (Maryland) / Love

Today, I thought I heard my little sister playing on my brand new grand piano. Angry, I ran downstairs to stop her. My parents were having sex. On my piano. FML

by GuitarChick42 / 04/04/2009 at 2:15pm / United States (Virginia) / Intimacy

Today, I came home to find a sock I previously used to whack off on my bed with googly eyes and a mouth drawn on it with a note that read "Because you can't find a real girl, I made your current one prettier, Love Mom." FML

by Anonymous / 04/02/2009 at 1:13am / United States (Oregon) / Intimacy

Today, my friend was saying how her "nano" died. I quickly responded by saying, "So? Recharge it." Turns out she didn't say "nano"; she'd said "nana." FML

by Anonymous / 04/02/2009 at 12:36am / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous

Today, a 7-year-old girl came up to me and told me to go fuck myself. I told her to watch her language or else I'd tell her parents. Her mom happened to be nearby and actually heard the conversation; she came up to me and told me to go fuck myself as well. FML

by Wmsys32pr9 / 03/30/2009 at 1:06am / United States (Washington) / Kids

Today, I was teaching a swimming lesson to 6-7 year old boys and girls. I recently broke up with my boyfriend so I haven't been taking care of my bikini line. While I was demonstrating how to do a whip-kick out of the water one of the boys said, "You have a beard coming out of your bathing suit!" FML

by superfkd / 03/14/2009 at 10:27pm / Canada (Ontario) / Kids

Today, at the dentist, I was getting my teeth cleaned. Looking up at his nose, I saw runny snot dripping onto his lip. I tried to slowly move away. He told me "Stop!" The movement of his lips caused the snot to fall right into my mouth. FML

by Noname / 03/05/2009 at 2:44pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Health

Today, my husband dropped me off at work. Ten minutes later I got a text saying "I just dropped the b*tch off I'll be there in a few baby, miss you". I asked him about it. He said, "I don't know what you're talking about, Megan". My name isn't Megan. Not even close. FML

by thatsucks / 02/28/2009 at 6:10am / United Kingdom (Nottinghamshire) / Love

Today, I'm playing basketball with my little brother. After jokingly blocking his shot, he turns to me and says "You're a bitch." He's 6. After asking where he heard that word, he responded with "Daddy calls you that when you're not around." FML

by lifesucks4me / 02/23/2009 at 7:51am / United States (Kentucky) / Kids

Today, I was collecting on a bet I had with a buddy on a sports game. He owed me lunch. I have a huge crush on the waitress and told him. She asked if we wanted the checks split and he said, "No, my boyfriend doesn't have any money." FML

by MichiganExile / 01/31/2009 at 1:19pm / United States (Michigan) / Love

Today, my boss asked me "can I give you some constructive criticism?". I said yes. He tells me "Your work is really shit. You have no talent and I can't figure out why I hired you." FML

by crapules / 12/22/2008 at 11:18pm / Work

Today, my wife, in her magnificent wedding dress, had her period during the ceremony. How did I find out? The same way everyone else did. FML

by noname / 12/13/2008 at 12:48am / Love