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  • Town/Country : Not specified
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  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 2835
  • Number of comments : 5
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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fitup77's page activity

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fitup77's favorite FMLs

Today, during a very stressful and busy day at work, I took a bathroom break. Unfortunately, of all the things on my mind, taking down my pants before emptying my bladder wasn't one of them. FML


I agree, your life sucks (27783) - you deserved it (6976)

On 05/10/2015 at 10:34am - misc - by pissed (man) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I decided to surprise my boyfriend by taking his new car to the automatic car wash. As soon as the water started, I realized that I forgot to close the sunroof. FML


I agree, your life sucks (14635) - you deserved it (24814)

On 05/04/2015 at 7:08pm - health - by Anonymous - United States (Kansas)

Today, I changed my toothbrush because the bristles were wearing down. My brother later asked me why I changed his toothbrush. Apparently we've been sharing the same one for the past several weeks. FML


I agree, your life sucks (29856) - you deserved it (3588)

On 05/02/2015 at 2:39pm - misc - by gross - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend for the first time. I moved my leg to wrap it around him and accidentally hit his penis. Without thinking, I said, "Sorry little guy!" FML


I agree, your life sucks (31091) - you deserved it (9694)

On 04/29/2015 at 10:25pm - intimacy - by MiniJeans - United States (Florida)

Today, I started work cleaning a customer's pool. I think her husband watches too much porn because he keeps glaring at me from the windows, and I overheard him telling his wife that he knows what's "going on" and that he's "not gonna let it happen". FML


I agree, your life sucks (29727) - you deserved it (2100)

On 04/22/2015 at 11:44am - work - by cock blocked (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was cuddling in bed with my boyfriend when he started squeezing me as if I were a ketchup bottle. He said he wanted my period to end quicker, and he honestly thought that would work. FML

Today, I was playing Monopoly with my extended family. When my wife came home, she kicked me out of the game and took all my money and property. When I said she couldn't do that, she said "Sure I can. It's called divorce." Everyone laughed. Now I'm bored as hell, watching everyone else play. FML


I agree, your life sucks (28709) - you deserved it (3414)

On 04/17/2015 at 4:43pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (London, City of)

Today, my husband came too soon during sex. He then tried to pretend it didn't happen and continued. He humped me with a half-erect noodle for about seven minutes before I finally called him out. FML


I agree, your life sucks (32007) - you deserved it (4912)

On 04/16/2015 at 1:04am - intimacy - by Evra (woman) - United States

Today, I was talking with my mother. As we went to say goodbye, she said "I love you". Out of habit of saying I love you to my girlfriend, I said, "Love you too babe". FML

Today, things got heated with my boyfriend for the first time. Turns out he's even more inexperienced than I thought; when I started grinding against him, he frowned and said, "Um... why're you doing that? We've still got clothes on..." FML


I agree, your life sucks (29409) - you deserved it (3286)

On 04/03/2015 at 9:57pm - intimacy - by lameows - United States

Today, I met my girlfriend's parents for the first time. Within minutes, they said I needed to leave. Their reason? Apparently, I was mocking her dad's speech impediment. I also have one but they wouldn't believe me. FML


I agree, your life sucks (32059) - you deserved it (1930)

On 03/27/2015 at 10:12pm - love - by biblepain - United States (Arizona)

Today, I was at a big meeting at work. The CEO was reaming the hell out of us for our recent poor profits, when I accidentally let rip a vile fart. I was then subjected to a 10 minute tirade of abuse for "trying to be a funny man", and told that whatever small chance I had for a promotion is now gone. FML


I agree, your life sucks (24279) - you deserved it (5318)

On 03/27/2015 at 5:19pm - work - by screwedupfuck (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I managed to take an entire shower without realizing my socks were on. I washed my feet. FML


I agree, your life sucks (22399) - you deserved it (8745)

On 03/26/2015 at 11:28pm - misc - by comfort_ - United States (Georgia)

Today, I had my 18th birthday party. At midnight, three police officers showed up at my door and asked if they could look around. Were we doing anything bad? Nope. My friends suck at parking. Before they left, the officers said that this was the most toned down party they'd seen in years. FML


I agree, your life sucks (27202) - you deserved it (34)

On 03/22/2015 at 8:20pm - misc - by dicedicebaby - United States (Ohio)

Caleb Taylor's illustrated FML

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