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  • Town/Country : Not specified
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  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 2299
  • Number of comments : 5
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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fitup77's page activity

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fitup77's favorite FMLs

Today, I started work cleaning a customer's pool. I think her husband watches too much porn because he keeps glaring at me from the windows, and I overheard him telling his wife that he knows what's "going on" and that he's "not gonna let it happen". FML


I agree, your life sucks (25963) - you deserved it (1888)

On 04/22/2015 at 11:44am - work - by cock blocked (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was cuddling in bed with my boyfriend when he started squeezing me as if I were a ketchup bottle. He said he wanted my period to end quicker, and he honestly thought that would work. FML

Today, I was playing Monopoly with my extended family. When my wife came home, she kicked me out of the game and took all my money and property. When I said she couldn't do that, she said "Sure I can. It's called divorce." Everyone laughed. Now I'm bored as hell, watching everyone else play. FML


I agree, your life sucks (27599) - you deserved it (3358)

On 04/17/2015 at 4:43pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (London, City of)

Today, my husband came too soon during sex. He then tried to pretend it didn't happen and continued. He humped me with a half-erect noodle for about seven minutes before I finally called him out. FML


I agree, your life sucks (30340) - you deserved it (4815)

On 04/16/2015 at 1:04am - intimacy - by Evra (woman) - United States

Today, I was talking with my mother. As we went to say goodbye, she said "I love you". Out of habit of saying I love you to my girlfriend, I said, "Love you too babe". FML

Today, things got heated with my boyfriend for the first time. Turns out he's even more inexperienced than I thought; when I started grinding against him, he frowned and said, "Um... why're you doing that? We've still got clothes on..." FML


I agree, your life sucks (28917) - you deserved it (3262)

On 04/03/2015 at 9:57pm - intimacy - by lameows - United States

Today, I met my girlfriend's parents for the first time. Within minutes, they said I needed to leave. Their reason? Apparently, I was mocking her dad's speech impediment. I also have one but they wouldn't believe me. FML


I agree, your life sucks (31945) - you deserved it (1927)

On 03/27/2015 at 10:12pm - love - by biblepain - United States (Arizona)

Today, I was at a big meeting at work. The CEO was reaming the hell out of us for our recent poor profits, when I accidentally let rip a vile fart. I was then subjected to a 10 minute tirade of abuse for "trying to be a funny man", and told that whatever small chance I had for a promotion is now gone. FML


I agree, your life sucks (24253) - you deserved it (5313)

On 03/27/2015 at 5:19pm - work - by screwedupfuck (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I managed to take an entire shower without realizing my socks were on. I washed my feet. FML


I agree, your life sucks (22353) - you deserved it (8733)

On 03/26/2015 at 11:28pm - misc - by comfort_ - United States (Georgia)

Today, an old lady was walking behind me. She tripped and started to fall, so naturally I turned and outstretched my arms to catch her, but was too late. A man turned just in time to see an old lady on the ground with me with my arms stretched out. I now have a black eye. FML


I agree, your life sucks (30435) - you deserved it (2184)

On 03/24/2015 at 2:58am - misc - by why me - United States (Georgia)

Today, I had my 18th birthday party. At midnight, three police officers showed up at my door and asked if they could look around. Were we doing anything bad? Nope. My friends suck at parking. Before they left, the officers said that this was the most toned down party they'd seen in years. FML


I agree, your life sucks (27157) - you deserved it (31)

On 03/22/2015 at 8:20pm - misc - by dicedicebaby - United States (Ohio)

Today, while waxing a client's chest, I forgot to have him turn his head. When I ripped the strip, I punched him in the face. FML


I agree, your life sucks (24237) - you deserved it (7526)

On 03/22/2015 at 6:32pm - work - by waxer150 - United States (Ohio)

Today, I was helping out during the school play's interval. My head of year jokingly asked me to follow him around with these mini cocktail sausages for the rest of the school year. I thought it would be witty to reply, "Does that make me your official sausage holder?" FML


I agree, your life sucks (24911) - you deserved it (62)

On 03/20/2015 at 10:41am - love - by MirandaJones (woman) - United Kingdom (London, City of)

Today, after telling my parents that I want to be a vegetarian, I got grounded. Apparently, "black people can't be vegetarians" and, I'm "crazy for even suggesting something like that." FML


I agree, your life sucks (32238) - you deserved it (4609)

On 03/19/2015 at 10:23pm - misc - by shawnsmuffins - United States (Florida)

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