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  • Town/Country : Not specified
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  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 3121
  • Number of comments : 5
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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fitup77's favorite FMLs

Today, I went to my boyfriend's house to eat dinner with his parents. Everyone wanted me to start the family prayer, and although I hadn't done one in years, I accepted. It went well until I remembered you say "Amen" at the end, not "Uh... Bye." FML


I agree, your life sucks (24084) - you deserved it (5214)

On 06/23/2015 at 2:37am - misc - by Arcanin3Boss (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, I went to my girlfriend's parents' house for lunch. I ended up in the bathroom constipated and remembered reading it's easier to "go" if you are squatting. My girlfriend's dad walked in on me perched on the toilet like an owl. FML


I agree, your life sucks (23843) - you deserved it (4462)

On 06/22/2015 at 4:58pm - health - by oh no (man) - United States (California)

Today, I had a call to the rodent rescue I run. They wanted to know if we had any mice for adoption and how much they cost. I told them that we had over 30 mice, and that we don't charge but do take donations. They said, "That's fantastic! I've been struggling to find snake food that isn't frozen!" FML

Today, I woke up in my living room after having a party. I then realized my fish tank with many different species was missing from its usual spot. After searching for a few minutes, I finally found it in the freezer. FML


I agree, your life sucks (27095) - you deserved it (7406)

On 05/25/2015 at 12:10pm - animals - by Anonymous - Canada (Ontario)

Today, during a very stressful and busy day at work, I took a bathroom break. Unfortunately, of all the things on my mind, taking down my pants before emptying my bladder wasn't one of them. FML


I agree, your life sucks (28058) - you deserved it (7008)

On 05/10/2015 at 10:34am - misc - by pissed (man) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I decided to surprise my boyfriend by taking his new car to the automatic car wash. As soon as the water started, I realized that I forgot to close the sunroof. FML


I agree, your life sucks (14675) - you deserved it (24919)

On 05/04/2015 at 7:08pm - health - by Anonymous - United States (Kansas)

Today, I changed my toothbrush because the bristles were wearing down. My brother later asked me why I changed his toothbrush. Apparently we've been sharing the same one for the past several weeks. FML


I agree, your life sucks (29970) - you deserved it (3596)

On 05/02/2015 at 2:39pm - misc - by gross - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend for the first time. I moved my leg to wrap it around him and accidentally hit his penis. Without thinking, I said, "Sorry little guy!" FML


I agree, your life sucks (31616) - you deserved it (9801)

On 04/29/2015 at 10:25pm - intimacy - by MiniJeans - United States (Florida)

Today, I started work cleaning a customer's pool. I think her husband watches too much porn because he keeps glaring at me from the windows, and I overheard him telling his wife that he knows what's "going on" and that he's "not gonna let it happen". FML


I agree, your life sucks (29771) - you deserved it (2105)

On 04/22/2015 at 11:44am - work - by cock blocked (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was cuddling in bed with my boyfriend when he started squeezing me as if I were a ketchup bottle. He said he wanted my period to end quicker, and he honestly thought that would work. FML

Today, I was playing Monopoly with my extended family. When my wife came home, she kicked me out of the game and took all my money and property. When I said she couldn't do that, she said "Sure I can. It's called divorce." Everyone laughed. Now I'm bored as hell, watching everyone else play. FML


I agree, your life sucks (28739) - you deserved it (3418)

On 04/17/2015 at 4:43pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (London, City of)

Today, my husband came too soon during sex. He then tried to pretend it didn't happen and continued. He humped me with a half-erect noodle for about seven minutes before I finally called him out. FML


I agree, your life sucks (32255) - you deserved it (4925)

On 04/16/2015 at 1:04am - intimacy - by Evra (woman) - United States

Today, I was talking with my mother. As we went to say goodbye, she said "I love you". Out of habit of saying I love you to my girlfriend, I said, "Love you too babe". FML

Today, things got heated with my boyfriend for the first time. Turns out he's even more inexperienced than I thought; when I started grinding against him, he frowned and said, "Um... why're you doing that? We've still got clothes on..." FML


I agree, your life sucks (29622) - you deserved it (3297)

On 04/03/2015 at 9:57pm - intimacy - by lameows - United States

Today, I met my girlfriend's parents for the first time. Within minutes, they said I needed to leave. Their reason? Apparently, I was mocking her dad's speech impediment. I also have one but they wouldn't believe me. FML


I agree, your life sucks (32111) - you deserved it (1932)

On 03/27/2015 at 10:12pm - love - by biblepain - United States (Arizona)

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