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feedmankeynow's favorite FMLs
Today, my mom was freaking out about me handling a CD-ROM with my bare hands. When I asked her what all the commotion was about, she said she was worried that I would catch "one of those computer viruses" she'd heard about on the news. FML
by aliezzedine / 02/02/2012 at 6:32am / Lebanon / Miscellaneous
Today, I was sitting on a bus. I'm deaf. An old lady looked very angry at me and started talking. Then she looked like she was screaming. I had to type on my phone that I'm deaf. Apparently, I'd been stepping on her foot. She decided to poke me in the eye and type, "Now you're blind too." FML
by Come on / 01/28/2012 at 7:46pm / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, I was with my boyfriend, and we started to get a little kinky. He laid me down roughly on the bed, but I started to slide off, so I pulled myself up. In doing so, I managed to knee him in the nut-sack, causing him to puke. FML
by LaLa / 01/09/2012 at 12:01am / United States (Louisiana) / Intimacy
by YOURMOM / 12/31/2011 at 2:24am / United States (California) / Animals
by me / 12/19/2011 at 10:53pm / United States / Work
Today, I had a dream in which I was arguing with my mom. In the dream, she threatened to hit me, and I told her I'd do it myself. I reared back and knocked the crap out of myself. I'm awake now, and my jaw still hurts. FML
by Grubendol / 12/15/2011 at 12:30pm / United States (Louisiana) / Miscellaneous
by yollew / 11/25/2011 at 1:27am / United States (Oregon) / Health
by Stinky / 11/20/2011 at 5:23am / United States (California) / Love
by Tyler / 11/19/2011 at 3:05am / United States / Intimacy
by weswithaute / 11/13/2011 at 1:53am / Australia (New South Wales) / Kids
Today, I was dared to walk home through a rough part of town. My rep hung in the balance, so I accepted. A kid kicked a football in my direction, so I kicked it back at him hard. It hit him in the nuts, and the next thing I know, I'm running for my life from three bald, shirtless, six-packed thugs. FML
by Anonymous / 11/04/2011 at 9:21pm / United States (Oregon) / Miscellaneous
by Tom / 11/01/2011 at 1:01am / United States / Love
by yum yogurt / 10/30/2011 at 4:15pm / United States (Kentucky) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 10/27/2011 at 11:48pm / United States (Kentucky) / Miscellaneous
Today, my boss made me run yet another stupid errand. When I delivered the paperwork to his office, I saw an email printout on his desk. Apparently, he has a plan in the works to get me "fried" next month. I'm not sure whether to give him a letter of resignation or a bottle of barbecue sauce. FML
by last literate / 10/27/2011 at 12:15pm / Canada (Saskatchewan) / Work
- Today, I ran an experiment perfectly in lab. I was the last in my class to finish and proud of how… Today, I found out my hours at work were getting cut and given to another employee. Not only are my… Today, I found my daughters hiding spot. Yeah there was dolls, matchbox cars and coloring markers.…