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feedmankeynow's favorite FMLs
by Anonymous / 04/13/2012 at 6:32am / United States / Health
Today, while walking to work, I swore I saw one of my old friends from college standing in the park across the street. I started shouting her name and waving my hands like a maniac to get her attention. It was a statue. FML
by Becca / 04/10/2012 at 11:49pm / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous
by anniemeece / 04/07/2012 at 11:15am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
by GothicAngel17 / 04/06/2012 at 9:52pm / Australia (Queensland) / Health
by spanishsucks / 03/31/2012 at 11:01pm / United States (New Jersey) / Love
by yelyah / 03/29/2012 at 12:19pm / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous
Today, my girlfriend decided to pleasure me with a handjob. It was incredibly painful because she didn't understand that my foreskin isn't as flexible as she thought it to be. I didn't have the heart to tell her to stop until she asked, "Is it supposed to turn this color?" FML
by purple / 03/24/2012 at 1:30am / United States (Texas) / Intimacy
by vanorav / 03/17/2012 at 10:41pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 03/16/2012 at 1:00pm / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, my girlfriend and I agreed to tell her parents that she's pregnant. When they started freaking out, instead of dealing with the situation maturely, she went into straight-up Tard Mode and said, "It's okay, I'm not the mom." FML
by yamsterr / 03/12/2012 at 12:27pm / United States / Love
by thatchick3333 / 03/08/2012 at 2:13am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was having a pleasant jog, that is until I was struck by the terrible feeling of an oncoming turd. Being only about 20 minutes from home, I thought I could make it back without letting the beast out. I was so wrong. The only thing I'm grateful for is that I was carrying the Sunday paper. FML
by fingerhut / 03/03/2012 at 3:27am / United States (California) / Health
Today, in bio class, we were studying the reproductive system. I don't like talking about this stuff, and I twitched every time my teacher said "penis" or "vagina." When I told my family, they laughed and kept repeating those words just to see me twitch. FML
by kal / 02/28/2012 at 4:03pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was attacked by a bird at 3 in the morning. The bird was being attacked by an owl, and decided the safest place to land wasn't in a tree, but my face. No-one will believe me, despite the 12 stitches across my face. FML
by Anonymous / 02/08/2012 at 12:45pm / Miscellaneous
by dreefsa / 02/05/2012 at 3:08am / United States (California) / Transportation
- 1Today, my neighbor's 4-year-old daughter came up to me and asked if she could have my dog. When I… 2Today, after working for Uber for a few weeks I realized that my driver rating was dropping. After… 3Today, I received a phone call, angry at me for not calling my dad on Father's Day. When I told her…