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feedmankeynow's favorite FMLs
Today, I went to my gynecologist's for a check-up. After the doctor checked me I went to the bathroom. It turns out the walls aren't soundproofed, because I could hear the doctor telling his assistant, "God! How did she ever find a husband?" FML
by N/A / 09/25/2012 at 12:13am / Canada (Alberta) / Health
by poopexperttt / 09/07/2012 at 3:12am / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, I found out my friend swapped my girlfriend and probation officer's numbers in my phone. My girlfriend is wondering why I asked her permission to leave the country, and my probation officer said she can't wait to see me again. FML
by Anonymous / 09/02/2012 at 1:34pm / United States (Virginia) / Love
Today, I had a piano exam. My friend noticed how nervous I was, and recommended that I compliment the examiner for higher marks. When it was time for the exam, without thinking, I told him I liked his hair. Turns out bald people don't like that. FML
by p / 08/28/2012 at 4:38pm / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 08/20/2012 at 8:12am / United States (Massachusetts) / Love
by Anonymous / 08/19/2012 at 10:05pm / United States (North Carolina) / Intimacy
Today, I was at the mall, when a guy started screaming at his buddy for sleeping with his sister. It was pretty hilarious, so when he stormed off, I mockingly yelled, "Pussy!" He then whirled around and beat the absolute hell out of his friend. Now I feel like I'm going to reincarnate as a turd. FML
by feelsterrible / 08/09/2012 at 3:51pm / United States (Georgia) / Miscellaneous
by FutureMarine3658 / 08/08/2012 at 10:00am / United States (Utah) / Miscellaneous
by soph511 / 07/30/2012 at 2:05pm / France (Provence-Alpes-Cote d'Azur) / Animals
Today, I had to turn down an offer of what seemed like some sexy time with a cute girl because my intestines were bursting with an intense desire to unleash molten lava. I rushed home to squat down, only to let out a disappointingly small piece of crud and a tiny fart. FML
by Jarman / 07/26/2012 at 1:39am / United States (Ohio) / Intimacy
by Deadcat101 / 07/10/2012 at 7:26pm / Canada (Manitoba) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was listening to some Michael Jackson through my earphones when I saw this really cute girl. Trying to impress, I aproached her while doing some dance moves, not thinking about how unbelievably stupid it must have looked without the music. FML
by Anonymous / 07/09/2012 at 6:37am / Sweden (Vastra Gotaland) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 07/08/2012 at 9:29pm / United States / Work
Today, I slammed my middle finger in a drawer. I screamed and my mom came running into the kitchen. She asked me what was wrong, so without thinking I stuck up my middle finger. She hasn't spoken to me since this morning. FML
by anonymous / 06/26/2012 at 2:05am / United States (New Jersey) / Miscellaneous
by egc573 / 06/24/2012 at 7:39pm / United States (California) / Love
- 1Today, my boyfriend presented me with a 30-minute montage video of him working out and flexing his… 2Today, my boyfriend finally told me that he loved me. This would've been fantastic if he didn't say… 3Today, it's been 2 weeks since I ordered a printer so I could print schoolwork, that way I don't…
- Today, my future father in law motorboated my breasts as I bent down to give him a hug goodbye. The… Today, my girlfriend and I got caught doing it in her parent's bed by her mom. Instead of making me… Today, my fiancée was asleep, so I decided to spoon her from behind and cup her boobs to wake her…