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fbcclaire

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fbcclaire

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  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 537
  • Number of comments : 6
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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fbcclaire's page activity

Visits<b>Wolfparable</b> - the 01/07/2015 at 11:39pm<b>KayyKaylyn</b> - the 11/11/2014 at 2:17pm<b>therealjc</b> - the 11/01/2014 at 7:37am<b>PicanteSeed</b> - the 10/20/2014 at 7:11am<b>devildog562</b> - the 10/08/2014 at 11:38pm<b>Deadpool47</b> - the 10/03/2014 at 9:41am<b>Aurelian</b> - the 09/27/2014 at 10:23am<b>Jacksparrow72</b> - the 08/20/2014 at 12:10pm<b>isuckwithnames</b> - the 08/10/2014 at 3:08am<b>skittycat213</b> - the 07/26/2014 at 8:13am<b>grogers311</b> - the 07/20/2014 at 2:33pm<b>weveallbeenthere</b> - the 07/08/2014 at 3:34pm<b>andy594328</b> - the 06/19/2014 at 12:40am<b>Brainnnnz</b> - the 05/24/2014 at 6:34am

fbcclaire's FML badges

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fbcclaire's favorite FMLs

Today, my loving five-year-old daughter started singing Christmas carols again. Ones that she made up herself, of course. Including "Walking in a fucking wonderland" and "Rudolph the red nosed asshole". FML

Today, my sister felt guilty and told me about the changes she secretly made to my résumé months ago. She'd put "doing your mom" and "corporate espionage" as my hobbies, and "Justin Bieber's pussy waxer" as a previous job. No wonder I'm still unemployed. FML

#21244565
135 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40053) - you deserved it (7282)

On 08/24/2014 at 5:50pm - work - by fuck you, tasha (man) - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, I had to awkwardly grab my pink dildo after my husband's friend asked what it was that my dog was chewing on. FML

Today, we had a guy come into the hospital with a carrot stuck deep in his anus. I've heard all kinds of ridiculous cover stories, but his took the cake; he claimed the phone rang while he was showering and he slipped onto a box of vegetables. Guess who had to extract the carrot. FML

#21179512
153 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52510) - you deserved it (4615)

On 06/18/2014 at 3:06pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, my friends hired a male stripper to give me a lap dance for my birthday. It was all pretty nice until he let rip one of the most nauseating farts I've ever encountered, right in my face. Hours later, I can still smell it. FML

#21086642
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52155) - you deserved it (6572)

On 03/14/2014 at 4:45pm - intimacy - by polebitch49 (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I went to the arcade with my dad, and we decided to try out the hurricane simulator, which blasts 60mph air around in an enclosed space. My dad farted halfway through. FML

#21066497
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43818) - you deserved it (4700)

On 02/20/2014 at 12:45pm - misc - by begging for air - United States (Oregon)

Today, I used my vaporiser to make my house smell like lavender while I went to work. My brother thought it would be funny to pee inside it. My whole house now smells like pissy lavender. FML

#20993906
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39103) - you deserved it (3531)

On 12/15/2013 at 9:04pm - kids - by lavenderpiss (man) - Australia (South Australia)

Today, my boyfriend bought a onesie. He sleeps in it, goes out in it and won't take it off, not even for sex. FML

Today, I received a poorly-written letter from my asshole neighbor in which he threatened to "sew" me because my dog shat on his lawn again. I went over, asked if he needed some wool for his sewing, and told him to stop being an idiot. Now he's apparently hiring a lawyer for real. FML

#20981890
179 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39200) - you deserved it (21780)

On 12/05/2013 at 5:26pm - misc - by possibly a sweater (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I was having it off with my boyfriend when all of a sudden he stops, grabs my breasts with both hands, makes circular motions with them, and yells, "Daniel-san! Wax on! Wax off! Wax on! Wax off!", killing my orgasm dead. FML

#20981063
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45149) - you deserved it (5592)

On 12/04/2013 at 10:19pm - intimacy - by KarateKid76 (woman) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, my neighbor put up an electric fence to keep my five-year-old son out. FML

#20980679
175 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37980) - you deserved it (12936)

On 12/04/2013 at 5:29pm - kids - by Awkward - United States (Washington)

Today, I pulled over a speeding driver. I admit that I'd been hoping for this moment since I joined the police force; the moment a lady put her cleavage on display to get out of a ticket. Sadly, this lady was a senior citizen, and her breasts looked like two semi-deflated balloons. FML

#20977282
147 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44379) - you deserved it (19920)

On 12/01/2013 at 6:07pm - work - by fuck my eyeballs (man) - United States (California)

Today, I arrived home after leaving for college in August. My dad figured that the most appropriate way to welcome me back was a loud, piercing fart right when I walked through the front door. FML

#20971993
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33034) - you deserved it (4871)

On 11/26/2013 at 11:42pm - misc - by squirts -

Today, my coworkers were bored. To solve this, they taped me to a chair and tried tickling me to death. My boss joined in. FML

#20971859
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40278) - you deserved it (4096)

On 11/26/2013 at 10:11pm - work - by tortured (man) - United States

Today, I got into a fight with a lawn chair. It won. FML

#20961117
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29148) - you deserved it (10841)

On 11/17/2013 at 5:07pm - misc - by what_a_loner - Canada (Ontario)



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