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falafels's favorite FMLs
by Dammit / 07/07/2012 at 12:45am / United States (California) / Health
Today, a police officer came to talk to the kids at my workplace. He asked what they wanted to hear about first. A group of them shouted, "The donuts, tells us about the donuts." Apparently these idiots are the future of my country. FML
by Joseph N / 06/19/2012 at 12:08pm / United States / Kids
Today, I received my first negative feedback on my otherwise flawless eBay record. The woman who bought the item said it wasn't as delicious as she was expecting, so there must be something wrong with it. What was I selling? A new and unopened lipstick. FML
by facepalm / 06/05/2012 at 10:48am / United Kingdom (Bristol, City of) / Miscellaneous
Today, while I was on stage dancing for a competition dress rehearsal, my top fell off, exposing my breasts. I was really embarrassed, but fortunately no one said anything about it. That is until a kid in the audience came up to me and said, "That was a disappointment." FML
by KenzFell / 06/05/2012 at 3:27am / Canada (Alberta) / Kids
by msassy / 05/18/2012 at 10:46pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Health
Today, my husband and I were pulled over by a cop. He was still angry from our earlier argument over his constant freeloading, and when the cop told him we'd been doing 75 in a 55, he retorted, "Yeah? I did 75 in your mom last night, fuzzball." One more ticket I have to pay for. FML
by me / 05/18/2012 at 10:41pm / United States (Michigan) / Money
Today, I was at the laundromat when a huge, tattoo-covered man wearing nothing but denim booty shorts and a wife-beater sat down beside me. He stared at me for a while, before telling me all about how I reminded him of his "first prison bitch." FML
by Anonymous / 05/18/2012 at 10:35pm / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, I was told the Mandarin greeting that my new Chinese friends at school taught me was not really a greeting at all. I've been proclaiming "I'm a dumb bitch" every time I've greeted them, almost every day for the past month. FML
by FML / 05/15/2012 at 3:02pm / Finland / Miscellaneous
by Jeff make / 04/01/2012 at 10:03am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Love
by Anonymous / 04/01/2012 at 9:53am / Australia (Western Australia) / Transportation
by cachucy / 03/18/2012 at 11:04am / United States (Illinois) / Work
by Tristansefam1367 / 03/12/2012 at 9:11am / United States (Massachusetts) / Miscellaneous
by Scarred4Life / 01/01/2012 at 1:18am / United States (Maryland) / Miscellaneous
by BrokeandDesperate / 12/06/2011 at 2:03am / United States (New York) / Money
Today, I thought it would be a good idea to let my 19-month-old son watch me pee, since I'm trying to potty train him. I didn't consider that he might try to grab my penis. When he did, I was startled and peed all over the floor and my son. Good job dad. FML
by Anonymous / 11/09/2011 at 4:52pm / United States / Kids
- Today, I was watching horror stories alone in my room. It got to the climax of the story and my cat… Today, I woke up ready to face the world. That was until I looked down and saw my thighs covered in… Today, I was sitting on the couch, when suddenly a mattress hits me in the face.Yes, a mattress. It…