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faerieonacid's favorite FMLs
Today, my boyfriend and I were about to get intimate for the first time. He said he didn't want to use a condom, and that I should just give him one of my birth control pills instead, "so we can still be just as safe". What the hell? FML
by what the fuck / 06/07/2013 at 5:20pm / United Kingdom (Ealing) / Intimacy
Today, my band and I played at our first ever real gig. Our drummer turned up high out of his damn mind. After ruining our act with his godawful performance, he screamed "HELL YEAH!" then ran and dove off the stage into a nearly non-existent audience. We were told to never come back. FML
by Anonymous / 06/07/2013 at 3:32pm / Canada (Quebec) / Work
Today, my boyfriend of 3 months moved in to my apartment. I had never been to his place because his roommate was a drug addict, so it came as quite a surprise when he brought three taxidermied cats with him, insisting that I let him mount them in the living room. FML
by Anonymous / 06/07/2013 at 1:12pm / United Kingdom (Buckinghamshire) / Animals
by WOWBear / 06/05/2013 at 5:46am / United States (Arizona) / Work
by ._. / 06/04/2013 at 8:08pm / United Kingdom (Bedfordshire) / Intimacy
Today, my boyfriend lost his temper with me and complained that my "constant" apologies for upsetting him drive him insane, and without thinking, I said I was sorry. He hung up and I haven't heard from him since. FML
by cupcakechick / 06/04/2013 at 4:55pm / Canada (Ontario) / Love
Today, my now ex-boyfriend called me from jail, expecting me to bail him out. He'd tried to buy a load of booze at the liquor store and came up short by ten cents. The cashier refused to be short-changed, and he figured the only reasonable reaction was to punch her in the face. FML
by no booze, no boyfriend / 06/04/2013 at 4:31pm / United States / Miscellaneous
by BloodyMarry / 06/04/2013 at 1:53pm / United States / Love
by Anonymous / 06/04/2013 at 12:05pm / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, after finally seeing a psychologist about the death of my dad and spending the longest hour of my life confessing every thought I've experienced in the 6 years since his passing, my psychologist asked me if I was walking home or if my dad would be picking me up. FML
by irishbubble / 06/04/2013 at 8:35am / Australia (New South Wales) / Health
by tinypenis / 06/04/2013 at 8:15am / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous
by BadBoyfriend / 06/03/2013 at 12:31am / United States (Texas) / Love
Today, I went to the pharmacy to buy condoms. My card was declined, and I had to stand and watch in morbid fascination as the man behind me kindly paid for my purchase. His reason was "God forbid a maxed out Visa should get in the way of fucking." FML
by Samprib / 06/01/2013 at 1:09am / United States (Indiana) / Intimacy
Today, my parents yelled at me for 10 minutes without letting me get a word in edgeways for getting a 48 on my test. They took my phone, unplugged my internet, and took my car keys. They wouldn't listen no matter how many times I told them, "It was out of 50". It actually was. FML
by :) / 05/29/2013 at 3:31am / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, it was my wedding. Every good wedding has slutty wedding sex, and I thought it would be over after my cousin and his girlfriend were caught in the parking lot. I was wrong, the sluttiest wedding sex goes to my drunk husband and sister in the coat room. FML
by lizzie / 05/25/2013 at 2:55am / Canada (Alberta) / Love
- Today, my doctor told me that I suffer from orgasm migraines. Basically, I get an intense migraine… Today, my boyfriend told me that he had sex with my sister, but it's ok because I'm better in bed.… Today, my husband spent our entire anniversary sulking because I wasn't up for sex. I gave birth to…