About expertsmilee : Gamer at heart, more feelings than most guys, make love not war.
expertsmilee's FML badges
One more and it's business time
You've received 68 likes on your profile. Kinky.
I’m your new creative director
You had to give your opinion on this new “piece” that the whole world is talking about.
You like to live life randomly, and we salute you.
expertsmilee's favorite FMLs
Today, I threw a punch at my sensei like he told me to, except he failed to block it like he assured me he would. Now I'm banned from his classes and I'm pretty sure he's going to get the police involved. FML
by Anonymous / 12/23/2015 at 10:48am / India (Maharashtra) / Miscellaneous
Today, my husband came home from a six-month business trip. When I saw him, I hugged and kissed him. My grandma started calling me a slutty whore, and told us we were a disgrace to our family, while trying to hit him with her cane. FML
by Anonymous / 12/15/2015 at 11:04pm / United States (Texas) / Love
by snortingspunk / 12/03/2015 at 7:52am / South Africa / Intimacy
Today, a girl I'd been talking to all night actually wanted to come home with me. Stopped to buy condoms. Got home, clothes came off, took out a condom. "Sorry, I'm allergic to latex". She left in a cab. I'm a 27-year old virgin for another night and now have a box of condoms to remind me. FML
by ohgodwhyfml / 11/28/2015 at 9:32am / United States (Connecticut) / Transportation
by helpme / 11/23/2015 at 12:00pm / United States (Maryland) / Work
by Anonymous / 11/18/2015 at 6:40am / Austria (Wien) / Love
Today, as I had a chat with my boyfriend and a couple of his friends, one of them had brought up my boyfriend's son and his other child who was due any day now. The conversation would have went well, had I known that he had a son and a pregnant girlfriend. FML
by I Know How to Pick'em / 11/16/2015 at 7:25am / Canada (Ontario) / Love
by AlwaysAfraid / 10/23/2015 at 6:33pm / United States / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 10/17/2015 at 4:17am / Australia / Love
Today, at the swimming pool, I thought it'd be funny to sneak up on my 5-year-old daughter underwater and surprise her. I grabbed her by the sides, and she shrieked. A moment later, a brown cloud erupted from her swimsuit. Cue screaming and a mass panic from the other kids. FML
by Anonymous / 10/03/2015 at 3:00am / United States (Minnesota) / Kids
Today, I was having lunch and I started throwing crumbs at my friend at the other table. Then I accidentally hit the kid next to him. He got really mad and came over and hit me in the shoulder with a brick. A brick. He just had a brick in his bag. FML
by horp / 09/29/2015 at 6:00pm / United States (Connecticut) / Work
Today, my boyfriend tried to be romantic and trick me into missing my flight, so he could spend another day with me before I have to return to Asia for work. There is nothing romantic about spending 2 hours trying to sort out a new international itinerary with Delta's automated menus. FML
by ak47nd / 09/17/2015 at 10:37pm / China (Liaoning) / Love
Today, I was telling my coworker that I was considering quitting the shady, 50-shades-of-scum business we work at. He snitched to our boss, who quickly fired me on bullshit charges of incompetence, theft, and workplace bullying. I guess I'm not getting a good reference from him. FML
by Anon / 08/27/2015 at 4:37am / United States / Work
Today, my sister recorded the sound of me having intense diarrhea, retching at the stench, and eventually breaking down in tears. I only found out when I saw she'd posted it online, with the caption "lol #gaytard #sorrynotsorry". I've never been called a pussy by so many people before. FML
by Anonymous / 08/19/2015 at 8:14am / United States (California) / Health
by Anonymous / 08/17/2015 at 4:33am / United States / Health