Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

expertsmilee

Offline (3 hours ago) | Search for a member

expertsmilee

44Fucked!

expertsmileeexpertsmilee
  • Town/Country : Macon, United States
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Tuesday 11 June 1991 (24 years)
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 2482
  • Number of comments : 194
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 2 posted

About expertsmilee : Gamer at heart, more feelings than most guys, make love not war.

expertsmilee's page activity

Visits<b>LeavenSilva</b> - 2 hours ago<b>MiLM</b> - yesterday at 12:07pm<b>californian21</b> - the 07/24/2015 at 12:32pm<b>chel_00</b> - the 07/23/2015 at 10:04pm<b>DrowningLessons</b> - the 07/22/2015 at 9:01am<b>xmann277</b> - the 07/19/2015 at 5:55pm<b>emeraldisle</b> - the 07/19/2015 at 1:13am<b>Raxal</b> - the 07/18/2015 at 3:07am<b>devildog562</b> - the 07/17/2015 at 1:37pm<b>elizabethia</b> - the 07/15/2015 at 10:22pm<b>kikoma</b> - the 07/15/2015 at 2:24am<b>swanna21</b> - the 07/15/2015 at 12:41am<b>Megatron_Griffin</b> - the 07/14/2015 at 11:02pm<b>Its_Kevin</b> - the 07/12/2015 at 8:19am<b>Tractor_Bait</b> - the 07/11/2015 at 5:58pm<b>cabub007</b> - the 07/06/2015 at 1:42pm<b>helloyes</b> - the 07/06/2015 at 12:47pm<b>muzy</b> - the 07/05/2015 at 11:12am

Fucked!<b>LeavenSilva</b> - yesterday at 8:50am<b>xmann277</b> - the 07/19/2015 at 11:55pm<b>muzy</b> - the 07/05/2015 at 5:12pm<b>Emi1y</b> - the 06/23/2015 at 11:54am<b>salyhahaha</b> - the 06/19/2015 at 4:16pm<b>Mcstud1y</b> - the 06/18/2015 at 5:24am<b>Jflowers9296</b> - the 06/17/2015 at 11:56pm<b>SnakesLife</b> - the 06/15/2015 at 11:07pm<b>Epickitty58</b> - the 06/15/2015 at 9:28pm<b>winterforever97</b> - the 06/09/2015 at 6:11am<b>nonsensical</b> - the 06/06/2015 at 11:56am<b>tylercarolinex</b> - the 06/02/2015 at 11:28pm<b>BlondeSlasher</b> - the 06/02/2015 at 10:19pm<b>RealSuperSand</b> - the 05/25/2015 at 5:28am<b>Lilbrunswick7</b> - the 05/06/2015 at 2:40pm<b>Sansa</b> - the 04/28/2015 at 7:18pm<b>elljoy</b> - the 04/19/2015 at 5:11am<b>Teckzilla</b> - the 04/18/2015 at 11:32pm

expertsmilee's FML badges

The rules are the rules

Reading the comment rules is a really good idea. This badge is sponsored by our moderating team.

What'cha looking at?

You have put three pictures on your profile, not necessarily pictures of your profile.

Who’s the fairest of them all?

This is now the third time you’ve changed your profile pic.

See all of expertsmilee's badges

expertsmilee's favorite FMLs

Today, my son was planning on going clubbing. I disapproved, but no matter what I say he never listens, so I simply offered him some condoms so he doesn't end up knocking anyone up. He just said, "Nah, dad. Get 'em drunk enough and it's anal all the way." FML

#21443327
220 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28040) - you deserved it (4466)

On 07/18/2015 at 1:00am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, I watched a young shop assistant try her hardest to flirt with my 20-year-old son. When he continued to be totally oblivious, she outright invited him back to her flat. When he asked, "What for?" a piece of my soul died at how completely I have failed as a father. FML

#21442690
160 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31381) - you deserved it (4197)

On 07/16/2015 at 6:21pm - kids - by anonymous - United Kingdom (London, City of)

Today, the guy I've been dating for 3 weeks showed up at my house at 7 AM. I was about to give him a kiss when he said, "Good morning, is Sarah here?" I was confused until I realized he didn't recognize me because I had no make up on. FML

Today, I had sex with my boyfriend for the first time. All the magic vanished when I kept queefing every time he thrust into me. We made it about 10 seconds before he broke down into hysterical laughter and lost his boner. FML

#21436148
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27891) - you deserved it (3713)

On 07/04/2015 at 1:02am - intimacy - by alison (woman) - United States

Today, my intern was given his own office. I have been asking to move out of my cubicle for nearly four years. FML

#21434251
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24905) - you deserved it (2086)

On 06/30/2015 at 5:57am - work - by bosslady (woman) - Belgium (Brussels Hoofdstedelijk Gewest)

Today, a woman came through drive-thru and placed a long order while screaming at her kids in back. When we forgot a doughnut, she became enraged, threw her iced coffees at me, told me I was a no-life and that I always get her order wrong. It's my first day and I was only giving her the order. FML

Today, my pinky finger found out how much a king size bed weighs. FML

#21430073
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23057) - you deserved it (2463)

On 06/22/2015 at 11:12am - health - by akimbojuju - United States

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me after I drove two hours to his house, because he wanted to do it face to face. Then told me that if I wanted, we could have sex one last time, but I would have to leave right after, otherwise it would be weird. FML

#21430061
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27303) - you deserved it (1938)

On 06/22/2015 at 10:41am - intimacy - by bonzo - Australia (Western Australia)

Today, I wore a sleeveless shirt for the first time in years, when I glimpsed something on my shoulder that looked like a spider. I let out a scream that sounded like a donkey having a stroke and flailed my arms. Then I realized it was my tattoo, and that I was freaking out everyone on the bus. FML

#21427542
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23648) - you deserved it (11521)

On 06/17/2015 at 11:41am - misc - by HURP (woman) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, after 5 years in a row of my family doing absolutely nothing to even acknowledge my birthday, I got train tickets to see my boyfriend for the weekend and celebrate with him. I woke up to 6 angry texts about how I'm 'selfish' for not staying at home with my family. FML

#21426395
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32241) - you deserved it (2028)

On 06/15/2015 at 9:39am - misc - by happy21sttome (woman) - United Kingdom

Today, I started working my new summer job at McDonald's. Only 2 hours into my first shift, my tooth falls out onto a young girl's tray of food. Not only did she see it, but my managers and other people waiting in line all saw it. I don't think I have a summer job anymore. FML

Today, I learned that not only do wood ticks have a habit of dropping off of branches onto you as you walk under them, they also like to hang out in groups of five or six. FML

#21421750
43 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23642) - you deserved it (1744)

On 06/06/2015 at 12:19pm - animals - by seadrick (man) - Canada (Nova Scotia)

Today, I overheard my wife telling my mother-in-law I was diagnosed with a learning disability earlier this week. She replied, "I always knew he was a retard. Why did you ever marry that idiot?" All my wife did was mutter "I don't know." FML

#21420583
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27744) - you deserved it (1939)

On 06/04/2015 at 5:08am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Maldives (Maale)

Today, it's been exactly 2 years since I graduated college. I make less money in my full-time job now than I did working part-time in college. FML

#21416055
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30847) - you deserved it (2693)

On 05/26/2015 at 12:50pm - money - by Real Life Sucks - United States

Today, I decided to surprise my girlfriend at work. Because she was "bored and didn't feel like seeing me" she thought it would be funny to call security and claim that I was stalking her. There is now a picture of my face at her workplace, and anytime I "pester her again" the cops will show up. FML

#21408859
140 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30591) - you deserved it (4280)

On 05/12/2015 at 8:53am - intimacy - by Darryl - Australia (Queensland)



FML's blog

  • Feeling shitty? Write to Auntie Bernie!
  • It's a new summer, so here's a new feature. OK, that doesn't mean much, but you've got to start somewhere. The idea came from the fact that we get sent a lot of FMLs that touch us, in our heart of…

Friday 24 July 2015

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: