This member hasn't filled in their description.
ex_omer's FML badges
A new Thumb
You’ve used your thumb on 1000 comments.
Up and coming moderator
It’s nice of you to help us sort out the submissions, using FML’s moderate feature.
Who’s the fairest of them all?
This is now the third time you’ve changed your profile pic.
ex_omer's favorite FMLs
by Anonymous / 08/30/2010 at 3:30am / United States (California) / Intimacy
by dane / 06/29/2010 at 2:07pm / United States (Iowa) / Love
Today, I was chatting with my girlfriend on MSN. I screen-copied my desktop to show her the conversation I was having with my best friend. Minutes later she replied asking why I had a porn site opened on the other tab. Oops. FML
by retard99 / 03/21/2010 at 12:04am / Canada (Ontario) / Intimacy
Today, while at work as a lifeguard, an older gentleman who comes in almost every morning wearing a very tight swimming suit, came up to me and said, "I don't want you having any erotic fantasies of me." After a long pause he added, "Actually, I wouldn't mind it if you do." FML
by Anonymous / 03/17/2010 at 3:32pm / United States (Michigan) / Work
Today, I was checking out a gorgeous woman in spandex with beautiful flowing long black hair on the treadmill at the gym. I spent a few minutes just watching her body move and ripple under the material. She turned off the treadmill and got off, only for me to find out that it was a guy. FML
by anonymous / 02/21/2010 at 10:16am / United States / Love
Today, while in the elevator with the girl from my office that I've been crushing on, but never spoken to, I said "aren't elevators awkward?" After a long silence, she got off three floors before our office. FML
by wilsmith / 02/01/2010 at 7:36am / China (Beijing) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend. My phone started ringing and it was my Mom, she said I could answer it. As I answered the phone my girlfriend started playing with my dick. I moaned. Loud. FML
by BlackPolarbear / 01/23/2010 at 3:05am / United States (Colorado) / Intimacy
by squirrel / 01/09/2010 at 12:01am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Miscellaneous
by BathroomMuch / 12/25/2009 at 11:15am / United States (California) / Kids
Today, I kissed my iced over window to know what kissing Edward Cullen would be like. My neighbor saw. My first reaction was to come up with a cover story. I licked the window and wiped my sleeve over it to look like I was cleaning it. My neighbor came over later and gave me an early Christmas gift. Windex. FML
by obsessed / 11/27/2009 at 12:12am / United States (Iowa) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was performing an experiment in science class. The prac required me to shake up a test tube filled with different materials. Taking the test tube in one hand, I shook it up and down. My teacher then stood next to me and said, "It's disturbing how good you are at that." FML
by Anonymous / 11/06/2009 at 8:02pm / Australia (Queensland) / Intimacy
by franzbiel / 10/31/2009 at 8:54am / Switzerland (Luzern) / Intimacy
by frustrated / 10/30/2009 at 12:17am / Australia (South Australia) / Intimacy
Today, my secret crush, who sits next to me in Bio, asked if he could borrow my notes. I agreed. It was only after he drove away, with my notebook, that I realized that in the back of my notes, I had written his name 100 times, surrounded by little hearts. FML
by Lovenotes / 10/17/2009 at 7:05pm / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, my co-worker came back from Thailand with big new breasts. She told me to go ahead and touch them because they have a funny texture for the first few months. When our GM entered the room, I had both hands down my co-worker's shirt, agreeing that they were unnaturally firm. FML
by Anonymous / 09/10/2009 at 2:57am / Australia (Queensland) / Miscellaneous
- 1Today, I found out my parents have been slipping birth control pills into my morning orange juice… 2Today, I found out my husband has been catfishing my sixteen year-old brother for over a year. FML 3Today, I babysat a kid who was such a bratty little prick that I actually considered walking out on…