About eternalibra : My name is Mallory.
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About eternalibra : My name is Mallory.
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eternalibra's favorite FMLs
Today, my face got intimate with several plywood boards, and I suffered lacerations and bruising. I told my friends I got the wounds from taking a few guys down in a bar fight. Now they're dragging me out into a rough part of town to give them "muscle" while they try to score some crack. FML
by Anonymous / 06/14/2012 at 4:59pm / United Kingdom (Croydon) / Health
by Anonymous / 06/12/2012 at 7:58am / United States (Maine) / Intimacy
Today, I learned that instead of training my cat, she has been training me. She now refuses to drink anything but running tap water, and yowls loudly early in the morning at my bedroom door to be fed. FML
by Anon127 / 06/11/2012 at 10:40pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Animals
Today, I asked my girlfriend why she never lets me in her house. She stared blankly and said, "What is inside is not for thine eyes." I told her best friend about this creepiness later on. She sighed and said, "T'was not for mine eyes either. I didst fail to listen." I feel like I'm losing my mind here. FML
by amidreaming?? / 06/11/2012 at 5:45pm / United Kingdom (Hertford) / Love
Today, my boss became obsessed with a movie about a pimp. He now refers to all my female coworkers as his "bitches" and refuses to treat us like human beings. Whenever we make a mistake, he rolls his eyes and laughs, "So typical of a prostie." FML
by kufan1324 / 06/04/2012 at 11:47pm / United States / Work
by nanall / 06/04/2012 at 3:19am / United States / Kids
Today, I was operating on a young girl, when she began to awaken during the surgery. We quickly put her back under, of course, but now I'm terrified that she'll remember my profuse cursing and get me in the shit with my curmudgeonly killjoy of a boss. FML
by Anonymous / 06/03/2012 at 4:27pm / United States / Work
Today, I read an article on babies dying after being accidentally left in cars in the sun. On my lunch break, I decided to walk around the parking lot, checking to see that no kids were abandoned in cars. A guy gave me a smack for looking through his car window. FML
by whytoday / 05/21/2012 at 10:59am / Miscellaneous
by Rebecca / 05/21/2012 at 10:11am / United States (Texas) / Work
Today, my boyfriend and I went mini golfing with his family. We had a competition going on, and when I managed to get two consecutive holes in one, he started seething and muttered that I'm dangerously close to becoming single. FML
by Jacquelinez / 05/20/2012 at 2:20pm / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, I went to the beach. While I was enjoying the sun, an old man with prosthetic leg and no clothes on sat next to me. He took off his fake leg and put it behind his head. Then he opened his legs revealing his "stuff." I will never unsee this. Ever. FML
by aligator1009 / 05/09/2012 at 12:54am / United States / Miscellaneous
by authorsubmit / 05/04/2012 at 8:49am / United States / Health
by zomg / 04/30/2012 at 5:24am / United States (Florida) / Work
by poo4brains / 04/28/2012 at 12:42am / New Zealand (Canterbury) / Intimacy
Today, I introduced my girlfriend to my parents. After she left, they told me they disapprove of her because of her supposedly lower social class. Now I have to either dump her or lose the money they set aside to pay for my university tuition. FML
by Anonymous / 04/27/2012 at 2:01pm / United Kingdom (Hertford) / Love
- Today, I realized the only times my boyfriend ever says "I love you" are after he screws up or when… Today, I was masturbating while chewing gum. Halfway into the session, the gum flew down my throat,… Today, my doctor booked me in for an STD test. I was feeling confident until he explained it will…