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  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 36340
  • Number of comments : 237
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

About englishmuffin : I don't know why I chose the name Englishmuffin because it might give the impression that I'm English. Sadly, I am not.

englishmuffin's page activity

Visits<b>Nickiminajislyfe</b> - the 02/24/2016 at 8:40am<b>holymacabre</b> - the 11/28/2015 at 8:41pm<b>Feklfekl2222</b> - the 08/20/2015 at 12:27pm<b>TheTshirt</b> - the 07/04/2015 at 10:43am<b>omid379</b> - the 05/25/2015 at 3:52pm<b>lil_jimmy</b> - the 05/15/2015 at 1:12am<b>vana1697</b> - the 02/24/2015 at 5:10pm<b>tzemmy</b> - the 01/01/2015 at 6:37pm<b>kelseysking</b> - the 10/18/2014 at 7:51pm<b>GoodGuyForSure</b> - the 08/23/2014 at 11:09am<b>WingedLovely27</b> - the 07/31/2014 at 10:04pm<b>Pwib</b> - the 04/25/2014 at 5:15am<b>Arni792</b> - the 03/06/2014 at 8:56am<b>Fyrepower</b> - the 12/09/2013 at 12:13am<b>LittleJess23</b> - the 10/22/2013 at 7:12am<b>tjbrooks96</b> - the 01/12/2013 at 1:10am<b>Quest_</b> - the 10/23/2011 at 10:32pm<b>blackmanfh</b> - the 06/23/2011 at 2:19pm

Fucked!<b>Nickiminajislyfe</b> - the 02/24/2016 at 2:41pm

englishmuffin's FML badges

How depressing, no badges acquired at all. :/

englishmuffin's favorite FMLs

Today, my parents are freaking at me because I just got my report and I failed my first year of college. They told me they have never been more disappointed in me. I have to tell them that I'm also pregnant. FML

by failure / 07/16/2009 at 12:25pm / Canada (Newfoundland and Labrador) / Miscellaneous

Today, while I was working as a waitress, I had to wait on a table of 13 people. I was struggling through it and when they finally left I went by the table to pick up my tip. Instead of a money I got a napkin saying "Here's your tip, don't be a waitress." FML

by Nick / 07/13/2009 at 10:04pm / United States (Arizona) / Work

Today, my cousin told me that the stop signs outlined with a white line were optional. Later, a cop pulled me over, when I asked why he said, "You ran that stop sign back there." I explained what my cousin had told me and he looked at me funny and replied, "All stop signs have a white outline." FML

by Anonymous / 07/08/2009 at 9:34pm / United States (Oklahoma) / Miscellaneous

Today, the car in front of me was going slow and I flashed my lights and honked. I floored it and passed the car, flipping off the driver. Just as I went around the next corner I got pulled over by a motorcycle cop. A few seconds later, the guy I flipped off drove by honked and waved. FML

by AmberKCole / 07/08/2009 at 2:45pm / United States (Washington) / Transportation

Today, I was driving with a friend when we saw a wallet in the middle of his neighborhood road. When we picked it up, we saw it was loaded with cash. We drove to the mans house to return the wallet, and when we handed it to him he told us "I would give you a reward but I don't have any cash." FML

by Hayls5 / 07/03/2009 at 10:19pm / United States (Georgia) / Transportation

Today, I watched my best friend get married to the guy I have been in love with since the 8th grade. I was the maid of honor, and had to give a toast to the couple. FML

by Anonymous / 07/03/2009 at 9:45pm / United States (Illinois) / Love

Today, my boyfriend called me explaining that he is getting married this weekend to a woman he met on Craigslist. Why? Because I won't marry him, and he'll make an extra thousand dollars per month having a wife since he is in the army. FML

by Anonymous / 07/03/2009 at 7:25pm / United States (Tennessee) / Love

Today, I finally cracked the password on my husband's email account. I don't know which is worse: finding out your husband is cheating on you with several people, or finding his password includes his ex-girlfriend's name. FML

by resipsahipsta / 06/28/2009 at 1:42pm / United States (Texas) / Love

Today, my girlfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex. Over breakfast, she said it was the most intense, primal and mind-blowing sexual experience she ever had. Problem is, I don't remember a damned thing. FML

by Anonymous / 06/04/2009 at 4:10pm / United States (Virginia) / Intimacy

Today, I got pulled over for speeding. I started fixing my hair and unbuttoning a couple of buttons on my shirt, hoping the policeman would let me off with a warning. When he got to the car, he rolled his eyes and muttered something under his breath. I saw him walk back to the cop car gagging. FML

by Anonymous / 04/25/2009 at 9:51am / United States (Alabama) / Transportation